Punjabi | Forward this Picture
Sunday 31 August 2008
Friday 29 August 2008
Intelligent Sardarji
A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don´t know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question: "What´s the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.
The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what´s the answer?"
Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse, hands the american $5, and goes back to sleep.
The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don´t know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question: "What´s the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.
The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what´s the answer?"
Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse, hands the american $5, and goes back to sleep.
Sardarji's Mom's Letter
Dear banta
Vahe Guru !
I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.
I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I'm not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.
By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is really badmash. He told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
~~~~~~~~
Vahe Guru !
I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.
I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I'm not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.
By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is really badmash. He told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
~~~~~~~~
Crazzy Shayaris
Chand par kaali ghata chaati to hogi,
Sitaron mein Chamak aati to hogi.
Tum lakh chupao Duniya se, magar akeley mein
tumhe apni shakal pe hansi aati to Hogi.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* **
Ladka apni dilruba se pooch raha hai
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Ladke ka dost uske kaan mein bolta hai
Abbey patli gali pakad peeche uska baap hai
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Apki 'smile' ne saara jahan hila diya,
Apki 'smile' ne saara jahan hila diya,
COMA se jaage huye mareez ko permanently sula diya.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* *****
Aap itraate bahut ho dil ko behlate bahut ho,
Sochte hai apko Dinner per le jaye,
Par kya kare hamara iraada badal jaata hai,
kyunki tum khate bahut ho...!!
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ******
Apne roop par itna ghuroor na kar,
sab 2 din ki masti hai,
Tera husn bhi tab tak qayam hai,
jab tak
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.Fair & Lovely sasti hai.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
****
SARDAR'S LAST WISH
SARDAR in ARABIA
A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got
arrested consuming alcohol which
is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so
for the terrible crime they are
all sentenced 20 lashes each of the
whip.
As they were preparing for their
punishment, the Sheik announced:
'It's my first wife's birthday today,
and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your
whipping..'
The German was first in line, he thought
for a while and then said: 'Please tie a pillow to my back.'
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: 'Please fix two pillows to my back.'
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the P akistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:
'You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For
this, you may have two wishes!'
'Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,' Sardar replied.
'In recognition of your kindness, my
first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.'
'Not only are you an honorable, handsome
and powerful man, you are also
very brave.' The Sheik said with an
admiring look on his face.
'If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
'And what is your second wish, ?' the Sheik asked.
Sardar smiled and said, 'Tie the Pakistani to my back' !!!
KHABARDAR KISINE AB SE SARDARKA MAZAAK UDAAYA TO
A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got
arrested consuming alcohol which
is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so
for the terrible crime they are
all sentenced 20 lashes each of the
whip.
As they were preparing for their
punishment, the Sheik announced:
'It's my first wife's birthday today,
and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your
whipping..'
The German was first in line, he thought
for a while and then said: 'Please tie a pillow to my back.'
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: 'Please fix two pillows to my back.'
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the P akistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:
'You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For
this, you may have two wishes!'
'Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,' Sardar replied.
'In recognition of your kindness, my
first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.'
'Not only are you an honorable, handsome
and powerful man, you are also
very brave.' The Sheik said with an
admiring look on his face.
'If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
'And what is your second wish, ?' the Sheik asked.
Sardar smiled and said, 'Tie the Pakistani to my back' !!!
KHABARDAR KISINE AB SE SARDARKA MAZAAK UDAAYA TO
Sardars are not stupid
Sardars are not stupid
80,000 sardars meet in the Gurunanak stadium, for a "Sardars Are Not
Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that
Sardars are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A sardar gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the
stage. The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 sardars start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him
another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting
80,000 Of you in one place and we have the worldwide press and global
broadcast media here, uh, I guess we can give him another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds he eventually Says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected
Sigh - everyone is disheartened, the sardar starts crying and the
80,000 sardars begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage,
eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance What is 2 plus 2?"
The sardar closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says,
"Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 surdies
jump To their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
............ ......... ......... ......... .......
............ ......... ......... ........
............ ......... ......... ..
............ ......... .....
............ ........
............ ....
............ ..
............
..........
........
....
..
.
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!
80,000 sardars meet in the Gurunanak stadium, for a "Sardars Are Not
Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that
Sardars are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A sardar gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the
stage. The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 sardars start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him
another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting
80,000 Of you in one place and we have the worldwide press and global
broadcast media here, uh, I guess we can give him another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds he eventually Says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected
Sigh - everyone is disheartened, the sardar starts crying and the
80,000 sardars begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage,
eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance What is 2 plus 2?"
The sardar closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says,
"Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 surdies
jump To their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
............ ......... ......... ......... .......
............ ......... ......... ........
............ ......... ......... ..
............ ......... .....
............ ........
............ ....
............ ..
............
..........
........
....
..
.
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!
Jokes Time
English Teacher: Make a sentence using "Neither-Nor"
Naughty boy Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses,
"NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!
~~~~~~~~~
A sardar learning English introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,
This is my sardarni,
He is my kid,
& she is my kidney.
~~~~~~~~~
"FRIENDS STAND BEHIND U DURING UR BAD TIMES"
Do u want a documentary proof ??
Ok,In future check out ur marriage album..U'll find al frns behind u !!!
~~~~~~~~~
Kissing a woman at her FOREHEAD is Respect
At her LIPS is Love
CHEEKis Heroism
NECK is Lust
BUT KISSING HER IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND IS BRAVERY
Naughty boy Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses,
"NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!
~~~~~~~~~
A sardar learning English introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,
This is my sardarni,
He is my kid,
& she is my kidney.
~~~~~~~~~
"FRIENDS STAND BEHIND U DURING UR BAD TIMES"
Do u want a documentary proof ??
Ok,In future check out ur marriage album..U'll find al frns behind u !!!
~~~~~~~~~
Kissing a woman at her FOREHEAD is Respect
At her LIPS is Love
CHEEKis Heroism
NECK is Lust
BUT KISSING HER IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND IS BRAVERY
Sardar Jokes
nterviewer: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY...
~~~~~~~~~
A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .
He replaced friend with father in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
~~~~~~~~~
A sardar on an interview 4 DA post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
~~~~~~~~~
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
~~~~~~~~~
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY...
~~~~~~~~~
A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .
He replaced friend with father in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
~~~~~~~~~
A sardar on an interview 4 DA post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
~~~~~~~~~
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
~~~~~~~~~
Sardar and Priest
A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, nattily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
Lord Dharamraj asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?
The guy replies: I am Banta Singh, taxi driver from New Delhi!
Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger, smiles & says to Banta Singh: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Sant Shiromani Baba so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Temple for the last 40 years.
Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. How is that a foul mouthed, rash driving Taxi Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?
'Results my friend, results,' shrugs Lord Dharamraj.
While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his taxi, people PRAYED.
Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.
Lord Dharamraj asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?
The guy replies: I am Banta Singh, taxi driver from New Delhi!
Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger, smiles & says to Banta Singh: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Sant Shiromani Baba so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Temple for the last 40 years.
Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. How is that a foul mouthed, rash driving Taxi Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?
'Results my friend, results,' shrugs Lord Dharamraj.
While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his taxi, people PRAYED.
Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.
Einstein's Speech....... ......!!!!!!!... ! ! !
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
"I have and idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."
Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"
When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool.
Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for
"I have and idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."
Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"
When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool.
Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for
Call centre.....filmy...very filmy.....
If Bollywood Film star work for call centers........ Imagine the calls.
Amitabh: Thank you for calling customer care... rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hian filhaal ek customer care hain...
Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amitabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha... uske baad uske baad mere bhai.. Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga.
Dharmendra: Thank you for calliiiiingg..
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aaraahoon maa.......
Customer: I am unable to use your product... its waste and worthless
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaonga..
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne nahi naachna
Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai...
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh... seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna... haaaaaaaaa!!!
Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain miljayegi hum angrezon ke zamaane ke jailor hain..haahhaaa
Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye....
Customer: hi
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko ....tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon.. Police mien report likha...
Bindu: Shabnam naam hai mera... pyar se log shabbo bolte hain..bolo main tumhare kis kaam aasakti hoon.
Customer: Hmmmmmmmmmmm.....
Shakti: AAAuuuuuu...mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona.. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyarasa...munna hooon..
Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi ... thank youji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga... ye dyevi nai ji ... ye to dyeva hai...
Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai..... May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit: Mona darling... tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager de denge to hamein manage kaun karega....
Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ....Jo dargaya wo maraga... batao tumhen kya chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar : Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suvvar Ke baccho ... sirf... $10.00...dhikkaar hai
Prem Chopra: Prem...Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra...
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle
Rajkumar : Jaani ..... Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani... ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes... otherwise I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena... manager humko darasake manager mein itna dum nahi... humse hai manager... manager se hum nahi...
And at last ..................
Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Customer hung up the phone....
Amitabh: Thank you for calling customer care... rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hian filhaal ek customer care hain...
Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amitabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha... uske baad uske baad mere bhai.. Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga.
Dharmendra: Thank you for calliiiiingg..
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aaraahoon maa.......
Customer: I am unable to use your product... its waste and worthless
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaonga..
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne nahi naachna
Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai...
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh... seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna... haaaaaaaaa!!!
Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain miljayegi hum angrezon ke zamaane ke jailor hain..haahhaaa
Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye....
Customer: hi
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko ....tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon.. Police mien report likha...
Bindu: Shabnam naam hai mera... pyar se log shabbo bolte hain..bolo main tumhare kis kaam aasakti hoon.
Customer: Hmmmmmmmmmmm.....
Shakti: AAAuuuuuu...mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona.. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyarasa...munna hooon..
Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi ... thank youji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga... ye dyevi nai ji ... ye to dyeva hai...
Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai..... May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit: Mona darling... tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager de denge to hamein manage kaun karega....
Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ....Jo dargaya wo maraga... batao tumhen kya chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar : Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suvvar Ke baccho ... sirf... $10.00...dhikkaar hai
Prem Chopra: Prem...Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra...
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle
Rajkumar : Jaani ..... Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani... ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes... otherwise I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena... manager humko darasake manager mein itna dum nahi... humse hai manager... manager se hum nahi...
And at last ..................
Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Customer hung up the phone....
CIRCUIT
Circuit to Munna: Help me yaar, main jab baat karta hoon to mujhe sirf awaaz sunai deti hai,
Aadmi nahi dikhta.
Munna : Aaisa kab hota hai?
Circuit : Phone karte waqt !!
************
Aadmi nahi dikhta.
Munna : Aaisa kab hota hai?
Circuit : Phone karte waqt !!
************
movies by Mechanical Engineers
What if Mechanical Engineers Start producing Movies?
Just go through a few names...................
1. Munna Bhai Welder
2. Hamara Tool Aapke Pass Hai
3. Oil Mil Gaya
4.Center Se Center Tak
5.Lathe Wale Material Le Jayenge
6.Hum Feed De Chuke Sanam
7.Machine Hamara Power Tumhari
8.Kya Yehi Shaft Hai.
9.English Piston, Desi Crank
10. Kabhi NC, Kabhi CNC
11. Chuck Chuck hota hai.
12. Kahin induction hardening na ho jaaye!!
13. Drill ko Reamer se Pyaar ho Gaya.
14. Gear Train ke us Paar.
15. Maine Shaft Design Kiya.
17. Kyaa yahi shear stress hai?
18. Child se assembly tak
Just go through a few names...................
1. Munna Bhai Welder
2. Hamara Tool Aapke Pass Hai
3. Oil Mil Gaya
4.Center Se Center Tak
5.Lathe Wale Material Le Jayenge
6.Hum Feed De Chuke Sanam
7.Machine Hamara Power Tumhari
8.Kya Yehi Shaft Hai.
9.English Piston, Desi Crank
10. Kabhi NC, Kabhi CNC
11. Chuck Chuck hota hai.
12. Kahin induction hardening na ho jaaye!!
13. Drill ko Reamer se Pyaar ho Gaya.
14. Gear Train ke us Paar.
15. Maine Shaft Design Kiya.
17. Kyaa yahi shear stress hai?
18. Child se assembly tak
munna the programmer
Apun Jaisey Tapore Ko Kiya Maloom
Saala Programing Kis Cheryaan Ka Naam Hai?
Copy Paste kar Key Apna Time Pass Hota Hai
Copy Paste Ka Kaam Milta Hai
Bas Apun Khush
Yeh Coding Ka Lafda Locha Kayko?
Arey Kayko?
Arey Kayko Rey?
Fir Ek Din Boley Tu Apun Ko Ek Project Mila
Yahoooooooooooo
Saala Apun Ka Khoopre Chakar Kah Gaya
Computer Key Sath DIL Saala Takar Kah Gaya
Apun Ko Laga Apun Ka Bera Paar Ho Gaya
Boley To Baap Saala Apun Ko Bhi Kaam Mil Gaya
Din Bhar Apun Computer Key Aagey
Koi Lafra Nahi Kuch Nahi
Teen Din Na Motey Sey Raada Na Patley Sey Pangaa
Bas Chup Chaap
Apun Ka Bero Loog Saala Dar Gaya
Bola Kiya Bey Munna Saala Tu Bhi Programmer Ban Gaya
Fir Ek Din Apun Ko Kaam Karta Dekh Lamba Bola
Yeh Munna! Kiya Coding Bana Reyla Hai Baap
Apun Ka Khoopre Satka
Lamboo Ko Pakra
Bola Idhar Aa Sahney Terey Ko Coding Seekahta Hoon
Saaley Ko Itna Sekahya Itna Sekahya
Abhi Tak Saala Forms Main Kacha Hai
Aur Aaj Tak Us Ka Forms Key Sath Chattis Ka Aakraa Hai
Samjha ?
Samjha Kiya ?
(Phir? Phir Kiya Howa?)
Fir Ek Din Apun Ney Coding Poora Kar Diya
Form Poora Kar Key Apun Ney Testing Ko Bhej Diya
Lagta Tha Ab Apun Ka Kaam Kahtam Ho Gaya
Par DTS Main Issues Dekh Key Saala Apun Dar Gaya
Apun Key Samney Tester Ney Mere Coding Main Kaye Galtiyan Nikale
Apun Ke Coding Ke Poore Wat Laga Daale
Apun Udarhich Kahra Tha
Par Apun Kuch Nahi Bola
Kayko Boleyga?
Kayko?
Saala Ek, Ek Kaam Kiya Tha
Us Main Bhi Itney Bugs
Par Apun Ek Aansoo Bhi Nahi Rooya
Kayko Royega?
Kayko?
Saala Apun Hij Yeeda Tha Na
Agley Din Sey Phir Wahi Life Chalo
Wahi Copy Paste Karna
Wahi Messages
Saala Itna Mails Forward Kiya
Itna Mails Forward Kiya
Loog Samjhey Mail Server Down Ho Gaya
Bhoolney Ka Hai Bhoolney Ka Hai
Par Kiya Karey Ga
Training Ley Key Bhi Jab Kaam Nahi Milta Hai
Haan Thora Bore Howa Par Chalta Hai
(Phir ? Phir Kiya Howa?)
Fir
Fir Kiya
Agley Din Apun Ko Ek Aur Project Mila
Saala Apun Ka Khoopre Phir Chakkar Kah Gaya
Computer Key Sath DIL Saala Phir Takkar Kah Gaya
Shaapak
Ho Ho Ho Hooooooooo
Ho Ho Ho Hooooooooo
Saala Programing Kis Cheryaan Ka Naam Hai?
Copy Paste kar Key Apna Time Pass Hota Hai
Copy Paste Ka Kaam Milta Hai
Bas Apun Khush
Yeh Coding Ka Lafda Locha Kayko?
Arey Kayko?
Arey Kayko Rey?
Fir Ek Din Boley Tu Apun Ko Ek Project Mila
Yahoooooooooooo
Saala Apun Ka Khoopre Chakar Kah Gaya
Computer Key Sath DIL Saala Takar Kah Gaya
Apun Ko Laga Apun Ka Bera Paar Ho Gaya
Boley To Baap Saala Apun Ko Bhi Kaam Mil Gaya
Din Bhar Apun Computer Key Aagey
Koi Lafra Nahi Kuch Nahi
Teen Din Na Motey Sey Raada Na Patley Sey Pangaa
Bas Chup Chaap
Apun Ka Bero Loog Saala Dar Gaya
Bola Kiya Bey Munna Saala Tu Bhi Programmer Ban Gaya
Fir Ek Din Apun Ko Kaam Karta Dekh Lamba Bola
Yeh Munna! Kiya Coding Bana Reyla Hai Baap
Apun Ka Khoopre Satka
Lamboo Ko Pakra
Bola Idhar Aa Sahney Terey Ko Coding Seekahta Hoon
Saaley Ko Itna Sekahya Itna Sekahya
Abhi Tak Saala Forms Main Kacha Hai
Aur Aaj Tak Us Ka Forms Key Sath Chattis Ka Aakraa Hai
Samjha ?
Samjha Kiya ?
(Phir? Phir Kiya Howa?)
Fir Ek Din Apun Ney Coding Poora Kar Diya
Form Poora Kar Key Apun Ney Testing Ko Bhej Diya
Lagta Tha Ab Apun Ka Kaam Kahtam Ho Gaya
Par DTS Main Issues Dekh Key Saala Apun Dar Gaya
Apun Key Samney Tester Ney Mere Coding Main Kaye Galtiyan Nikale
Apun Ke Coding Ke Poore Wat Laga Daale
Apun Udarhich Kahra Tha
Par Apun Kuch Nahi Bola
Kayko Boleyga?
Kayko?
Saala Ek, Ek Kaam Kiya Tha
Us Main Bhi Itney Bugs
Par Apun Ek Aansoo Bhi Nahi Rooya
Kayko Royega?
Kayko?
Saala Apun Hij Yeeda Tha Na
Agley Din Sey Phir Wahi Life Chalo
Wahi Copy Paste Karna
Wahi Messages
Saala Itna Mails Forward Kiya
Itna Mails Forward Kiya
Loog Samjhey Mail Server Down Ho Gaya
Bhoolney Ka Hai Bhoolney Ka Hai
Par Kiya Karey Ga
Training Ley Key Bhi Jab Kaam Nahi Milta Hai
Haan Thora Bore Howa Par Chalta Hai
(Phir ? Phir Kiya Howa?)
Fir
Fir Kiya
Agley Din Apun Ko Ek Aur Project Mila
Saala Apun Ka Khoopre Phir Chakkar Kah Gaya
Computer Key Sath DIL Saala Phir Takkar Kah Gaya
Shaapak
Ho Ho Ho Hooooooooo
Ho Ho Ho Hooooooooo
collection of jokes
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
2 Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?
3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was
not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary
Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!
5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant
it’s already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an
umbrella and go.
6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer
gave 11cr after
deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else
return my 20 Rs
back.
7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it....
8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
passengers in the
car he was driving..
9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..
12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not
in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if
my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
21 What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"
23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
26 What's the definition of lawyer?
The larval form of a politician
27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the
weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "
When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?
(What Happened, My Son?)
31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, )
aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!
32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .
because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.
34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U
Continue to do so.
35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne
Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo
ta ra ra.
37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya
hoga....???
40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki
break
fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
41 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!
42 Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!
52
43 Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
44 Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
45 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
46 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
47 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
48 Man before Marriage I like Airtel....”Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan”
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network
Follows."
49 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!
gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI. ..
50 They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense
51 It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
52 It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to
protect a country
BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI
53 After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st
patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch
& finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI
54 What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a
positive side!
55 Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!
56 It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
57 A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
58 Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
59 Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay,
Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,
Sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb na
phatjain,
Sardar jee...Oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu bomb
hay. :)
60 aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay. rastay
main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta hay woh
apny dost say
kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi hairan ho
ker
yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy
61 Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai
kya?'
'Haan' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'
62 A sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "Hi, Main Bol Raha
Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
63 Ek pathan Cycle chalaty aur gungunaty howe kahin ja raha tha rasty
mein ek Aurat se takra betha.
Aurat chilla kar boli "Break nahi maar sakty thy kia ??? "
Pathan herat se... "Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida."
64 Burhiya:Aray dekho iss kambakhat maare ko mere sath larki ja rahi he
osse nahi dekh raha kab se mujhe taare chala ja ria he...!
65 Aadmi:Aray.. ! amma darasal ye kabaria he purana maal dekh raha he.
66 Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen aap bohat
ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.
67 Bacha: Sir, mujhse ziyada dimple to mere ammi ke parte hen.
68Aik lerki apny boy friend k sath nai garri main long drive par
ja rahi thi
achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !
kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?
kioon nahi.....larkay ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...
larki ne aahista se kaha........ ..
"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "
69 Sardar : Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf...kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek
bhi tili nahin jalti.
Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.
70 Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....
71 Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."
Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!"
72 Hum Ney Un Ki Yaad Main Ro Ro Kar Matkey Bhar Diye
Wo Bewafa Aye Aur Naha Kar Chal Diye
73 Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,
Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam
74 Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai
Iss dunya mein, tum he sab sey haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
75 rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum
76 kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,
dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha,
uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,
kambakht mien apna hi khoon thA
77 hi u all
i hv one puppy 4 u
1puppy 4 ur friend
1 puppy for ur fri ke fri
u know why???
becuz....... .....
ajj hi meray dogi nay 10 puppies ko janam dia hai
78 Civic VTI jisai kehete ho wo gadi tumaree hai
Jisey nokia 6600 kehte ho wo cell tumhara hai
Jinhai tum aamon k baghat kehte ho woh baghain tumharee hain
Kaho ik di kaho ik din
Ager sab kuch ye mera hai to sab kuch dedo ik din
Gari apni mujhe tum dedo cell dedo doosrey din
merey hathon mai kaghzat rakh ker dafa ho ik din
Dafa ho ik din dafa ho ik din...
79 dabe mein daba dabe mein kharghosh,
uncle nae ankh mari anute behosh...... :)
80 teen dost tha phalla patan dosra panjabe or tisra memon.Ramzan ka
maina
tha dostoo na bolaa ka yar zakat dana ha too app log kasa datta ho.too
phala dost patan na bolla ka hum khali maidan ma za kar gol paira
banatha ha or asman ma paisa ushal tha ha zoo paisa paira ka bhair
zata ha
woo zakat kartta ha or zoo andar hotta ha woo humara hotta ha .fer
pajabe na bolla ka hum ak lakir kachtta ha or paisa ushal tha ha zoo
paisa
left hand par zatta ha woo zakat kartta ha or zoo right hand par woo
humara.fer memon dost sa pucha ka woo kasa kartta ha too usna kaha ka
astag feroollha app log assa zakat kartta ho yea lakir fakir keya ha
hum
khali maidan ma zatta ha or asman ma husal tha ha zoo paisa asman ma
gheya woo zakat ka or zoo paisa necha aaya woo humara.
81 Admi Naai Se Meri TERE NAAM Wali Cutting Kar Do.
Naai Uski Tind Kar Deta Hai
Admi Ghussay Se Ye Kya Kiya Hai ???
Naai Main Kya Karoon Main Ne Dekhi Hi End Se Hai.
82 Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower
when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the
thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji
figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the
clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This
time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
83 A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he
feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The
lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm
waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front
of me, do you?"
84 Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
85 Safed saari par jab tum laalbindi lagati ho
khuda ki kasam ambulance nazar aati ho
farq sirf itna hai ke wo ghayal ko le jati hai
or tum ghayal kar jati ho
86 janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala chawal hai.
dukan daar: je hai
janab patan:eak kulo dado
dukan daar: je janab
janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai.
87 Aik haseen-o-jameel adaakara ke ghar aag lag gaee ..aag par qabu panay
main 10 minut lagay.....aor. ......aag bujhany walon per qabu panay
main
40 minut lagay
88 Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he
Aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal daal raha
hota he.
Pehla Aadmi doosre se kehta he " Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab
uthe ga?"
Doosra dost:"Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga
89 uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar
mujhe
pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga
bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay .... !!!!
90 aik dost dosray se : yaar har party mien tum yehi kurta kyun pehantay
ho
dosra dost : kyun ke yeh mera khandani kurta hai mere par dada ne
pehna
phir dada ne pehna phir mere walid ne pehna iss liye main bhi pehanta
hoon
pehla dost : ohh acha .. khier yeh batao k tumhari umar hogai hai
shadi
ki tum kartay kyun nahi ..kya koi larki pasand nahi ati
dosra dost : nahi yaar larkiyaan to bohat pasand ati hain
pehla dost : to phir kyun nahi kartay
dosra dost : yaar mere par dada ne nahi ki dada ne nahi ki mere walid
ne nahi ki to phir main kaise karloon ??
91 Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway
station ticket counter with two men ahead of him.
'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front.
He was given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.'
the second man asked & was handed a ticket.
Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'
'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk.
'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh
92 The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!
93 Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.
94 Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
95 A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of
AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom
96 Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else
Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
97 Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives
us light only in the day time when we dont need it.
98 Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
99 Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?
Customer : What other colours do you have?
100 My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
101 Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.
Sam : It's a family tradition.
Teacher : What do you mean?
Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.
Teacher : What about your mother?
Sam : She's a woman.
102 Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.
103 Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.
104 Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
105 Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.
106 Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."
One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again.
107 Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday, sametime."
108 Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office
109 A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in
particular
She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !
110 koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli
chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola:
Lagta hai pahunch gai :-)
111 Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode
Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly
112 What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.
113 Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga- mita dunga.
Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga.
114 Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Banta singh: Post office.
115 Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya?
Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."
116 Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe honge....think. ......... ...
"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"
117 Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?
Friend: B.A.
Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.
118 A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?
Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.
119 Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.
120 Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta
latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar bola oye side B gaa raha hun.
121 Sardarni asks her lover,"Santa dear, if we get engaged, will u give me a ring?"
"Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?"
122 Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days
because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.
123 One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a
building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh
your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" ....... since Sardarji was in panic.
Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while comming down when he was near the
tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto.
when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.
124 *** Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was
okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and
at last wrote - THUNK !!!"
125 a sardar was going on the road.Then he sees a man who has met with an
accident.so he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the
hospital.Then the sardar realises that the man should have brought by
ambulance.so he takes him back where he picked him
sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncher.he took spear tyre
and changed in the place of punchered tyre. but unfortunately he misplaced
the four screws to fit the tyre on its place . he was so confused ,,now
what to do,, a pagal(mentally retaired) person was watching this incident.
He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from
the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre.There after u can go
where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar Duniya tume
pagal kahate hai lakin i dont think u are a pagal. pagal replied sir,, i m
a pagal but i m not a sardar.
126 Once a Sardar ji rescued 6 people from a house burning on fire;
But still the Sardar ji was jailed, why?
Because all the rescued persons were fire fighters
127 TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
128 TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
129 TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
130 TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
131 TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
JOHNY: George!
132 TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
L-JOHNY: Me!
133 TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
134 L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
135 TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.
136 TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
137 Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday
sametime."
138 Question: There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boy jumps inside and
swims underneath them and counts the number of legs.
There are only 36 legs.HOW??
Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!
139 L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
140 Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is
green and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same
at home.
141 Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
142 Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
2 Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?
3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was
not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary
Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!
5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant
it’s already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an
umbrella and go.
6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer
gave 11cr after
deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else
return my 20 Rs
back.
7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it....
8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
passengers in the
car he was driving..
9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..
12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not
in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if
my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
21 What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"
23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
26 What's the definition of lawyer?
The larval form of a politician
27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the
weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "
When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?
(What Happened, My Son?)
31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, )
aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!
32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .
because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.
34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U
Continue to do so.
35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne
Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo
ta ra ra.
37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya
hoga....???
40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki
break
fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
41 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!
42 Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!
52
43 Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
44 Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
45 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
46 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
47 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
48 Man before Marriage I like Airtel....”Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan”
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network
Follows."
49 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!
gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI. ..
50 They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense
51 It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
52 It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to
protect a country
BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI
53 After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st
patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch
& finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI
54 What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a
positive side!
55 Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!
56 It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
57 A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
58 Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
59 Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay,
Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,
Sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb na
phatjain,
Sardar jee...Oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu bomb
hay. :)
60 aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay. rastay
main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta hay woh
apny dost say
kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi hairan ho
ker
yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy
61 Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai
kya?'
'Haan' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'
62 A sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "Hi, Main Bol Raha
Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
63 Ek pathan Cycle chalaty aur gungunaty howe kahin ja raha tha rasty
mein ek Aurat se takra betha.
Aurat chilla kar boli "Break nahi maar sakty thy kia ??? "
Pathan herat se... "Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida."
64 Burhiya:Aray dekho iss kambakhat maare ko mere sath larki ja rahi he
osse nahi dekh raha kab se mujhe taare chala ja ria he...!
65 Aadmi:Aray.. ! amma darasal ye kabaria he purana maal dekh raha he.
66 Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen aap bohat
ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.
67 Bacha: Sir, mujhse ziyada dimple to mere ammi ke parte hen.
68
ja rahi thi
achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !
kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?
kioon nahi.....larkay ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...
larki ne aahista se kaha........ ..
"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "
69 Sardar : Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf...kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek
bhi tili nahin jalti.
Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.
70 Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....
71 Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."
Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!"
72 Hum Ney Un Ki Yaad Main Ro Ro Kar Matkey Bhar Diye
Wo Bewafa Aye Aur Naha Kar Chal Diye
73 Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,
Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam
74 Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai
Iss dunya mein, tum he sab sey haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
75 rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum
76 kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,
dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha,
uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,
kambakht mien apna hi khoon thA
77 hi u all
i hv one puppy 4 u
1puppy 4 ur friend
1 puppy for ur fri ke fri
u know why???
becuz....... .....
ajj hi meray dogi nay 10 puppies ko janam dia hai
78 Civic VTI jisai kehete ho wo gadi tumaree hai
Jisey nokia 6600 kehte ho wo cell tumhara hai
Jinhai tum aamon k baghat kehte ho woh baghain tumharee hain
Kaho ik di kaho ik din
Ager sab kuch ye mera hai to sab kuch dedo ik din
Gari apni mujhe tum dedo cell dedo doosrey din
merey hathon mai kaghzat rakh ker dafa ho ik din
Dafa ho ik din dafa ho ik din...
79 dabe mein daba dabe mein kharghosh,
uncle nae ankh mari anute behosh...... :)
80 teen dost tha phalla patan dosra panjabe or tisra memon.Ramzan ka
maina
tha dostoo na bolaa ka yar zakat dana ha too app log kasa datta ho.too
phala dost patan na bolla ka hum khali maidan ma za kar gol paira
banatha ha or asman ma paisa ushal tha ha zoo paisa paira ka bhair
zata ha
woo zakat kartta ha or zoo andar hotta ha woo humara hotta ha .fer
pajabe na bolla ka hum ak lakir kachtta ha or paisa ushal tha ha zoo
paisa
left hand par zatta ha woo zakat kartta ha or zoo right hand par woo
humara.fer memon dost sa pucha ka woo kasa kartta ha too usna kaha ka
astag feroollha app log assa zakat kartta ho yea lakir fakir keya ha
hum
khali maidan ma zatta ha or asman ma husal tha ha zoo paisa asman ma
gheya woo zakat ka or zoo paisa necha aaya woo humara.
81 Admi Naai Se Meri TERE NAAM Wali Cutting Kar Do.
Naai Uski Tind Kar Deta Hai
Admi Ghussay Se Ye Kya Kiya Hai ???
Naai Main Kya Karoon Main Ne Dekhi Hi End Se Hai.
82 Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower
when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the
thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji
figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the
clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This
time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
83 A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he
feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The
lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm
waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front
of me, do you?"
84 Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
85 Safed saari par jab tum laalbindi lagati ho
khuda ki kasam ambulance nazar aati ho
farq sirf itna hai ke wo ghayal ko le jati hai
or tum ghayal kar jati ho
86 janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala chawal hai.
dukan daar: je hai
janab patan:eak kulo dado
dukan daar: je janab
janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai.
87 Aik haseen-o-jameel adaakara ke ghar aag lag gaee ..aag par qabu panay
main 10 minut lagay.....aor. ......aag bujhany walon per qabu panay
main
40 minut lagay
88 Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he
Aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal daal raha
hota he.
Pehla Aadmi doosre se kehta he " Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab
uthe ga?"
Doosra dost:"Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga
89 uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar
mujhe
pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga
bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay .... !!!!
90 aik dost dosray se : yaar har party mien tum yehi kurta kyun pehantay
ho
dosra dost : kyun ke yeh mera khandani kurta hai mere par dada ne
pehna
phir dada ne pehna phir mere walid ne pehna iss liye main bhi pehanta
hoon
pehla dost : ohh acha .. khier yeh batao k tumhari umar hogai hai
shadi
ki tum kartay kyun nahi ..kya koi larki pasand nahi ati
dosra dost : nahi yaar larkiyaan to bohat pasand ati hain
pehla dost : to phir kyun nahi kartay
dosra dost : yaar mere par dada ne nahi ki dada ne nahi ki mere walid
ne nahi ki to phir main kaise karloon ??
91 Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway
station ticket counter with two men ahead of him.
'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front.
He was given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.'
the second man asked & was handed a ticket.
Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'
'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk.
'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh
92 The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!
93 Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.
94 Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
95 A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of
AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom
96 Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else
Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
97 Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives
us light only in the day time when we dont need it.
98 Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
99 Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?
Customer : What other colours do you have?
100 My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
101 Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.
Sam : It's a family tradition.
Teacher : What do you mean?
Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.
Teacher : What about your mother?
Sam : She's a woman.
102 Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.
103 Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.
104 Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
105 Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.
106 Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."
One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again.
107 Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday, sametime."
108 Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office
109 A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in
particular
She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !
110 koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli
chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola:
Lagta hai pahunch gai :-)
111 Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode
Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly
112 What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.
113 Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga- mita dunga.
Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga.
114 Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Banta singh: Post office.
115 Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya?
Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."
116 Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe honge....think. ......... ...
"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"
117 Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?
Friend: B.A.
Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.
118 A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?
Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.
119 Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.
120 Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta
latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar bola oye side B gaa raha hun.
121 Sardarni asks her lover,"Santa dear, if we get engaged, will u give me a ring?"
"Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?"
122 Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days
because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.
123 One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a
building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh
your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" ....... since Sardarji was in panic.
Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while comming down when he was near the
tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto.
when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.
124 *** Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was
okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and
at last wrote - THUNK !!!"
125 a sardar was going on the road.Then he sees a man who has met with an
accident.so he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the
hospital.Then the sardar realises that the man should have brought by
ambulance.so he takes him back where he picked him
sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncher.he took spear tyre
and changed in the place of punchered tyre. but unfortunately he misplaced
the four screws to fit the tyre on its place . he was so confused ,,now
what to do,, a pagal(mentally retaired) person was watching this incident.
He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from
the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre.There after u can go
where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar Duniya tume
pagal kahate hai lakin i dont think u are a pagal. pagal replied sir,, i m
a pagal but i m not a sardar.
126 Once a Sardar ji rescued 6 people from a house burning on fire;
But still the Sardar ji was jailed, why?
Because all the rescued persons were fire fighters
127 TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
128 TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
129 TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
130 TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
131 TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
JOHNY: George!
132 TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
L-JOHNY: Me!
133 TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
134 L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
135 TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.
136 TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
137 Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday
sametime."
138 Question: There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boy jumps inside and
swims underneath them and counts the number of legs.
There are only 36 legs.HOW??
Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!
139 L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
140 Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is
green and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same
at home.
141 Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
142 Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
best friend
I Believe....
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.
I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I Believe...
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and
you must forgive them for that.
I Believe...That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I Believe.... That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I Believe...That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I Believe...That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe...That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I Believe...That either you control your attitude or it controls you
I Believe...That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I Believe...That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I Believe...That my best friend and I, can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.
I Believe....That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I Believe...That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I Believe...That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I Believe...That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others. sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I Believe....That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I Believe...That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but, we are responsible for who we become.
I Believe...That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forev er.
I Believe...Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I Believe...That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I Believe...That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.
I Believe...That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I Believe...That the people you ca re about most in life are taken from you too soon.
I Believe...That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in, I just did.
'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything.'
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.
I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I Believe...
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and
you must forgive them for that.
I Believe...That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I Believe.... That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I Believe...That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I Believe...That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe...That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I Believe...That either you control your attitude or it controls you
I Believe...That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I Believe...That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I Believe...That my best friend and I, can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.
I Believe....That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I Believe...That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I Believe...That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I Believe...That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others. sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I Believe....That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I Believe...That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but, we are responsible for who we become.
I Believe...That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forev er.
I Believe...Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I Believe...That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I Believe...That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.
I Believe...That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I Believe...That the people you ca re about most in life are taken from you too soon.
I Believe...That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in, I just did.
'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything.'
Thursday 28 August 2008
Todays Joke: Beer Brothers
A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three pints of Guinness, please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too and we're drinking together."
The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition and every week he sets up the guy's three beers as soon as he enters in the bar. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them, then orders two more. The bartender sadly says, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too and we're drinking together."
The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition and every week he sets up the guy's three beers as soon as he enters in the bar. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them, then orders two more. The bartender sadly says, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."
Interview Questions - "Beware candidates: Learn Answering Tricky Questions"
*Story I*
Employer: Do u have a boyfriend?
Candidate: I have.
Employer: Is he working Locally?
Candidate: No. He is working Overseas.
Employer: Sorry, my company cannot employ u !
Candidate: Why?
Employer: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't
want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u.
*Story II*
Employer: Any girl friends?
Candidate: No.
Employer: So far chased any before?
Candidate: Have, but not successful.
Employer: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend?
Candidate: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider this personalissue.
Employer: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.
Candidate: Why?
Employer: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!
*Story III*
Employer: Any girlfriends?
Candidate: Yes.
Employer: Is she pretty?
Candidate: Not quite.
Employer: Sorry, my company cannot employ you.
Candidate: Why? Will this affect your company's reputation?
Employer: No, it does not affect the company's reputation but because my company is
dealing with arts, our company requested an artist.
*Story IV*
Employer: Any girlfriends?
Candidate: Yes.
Employer: Is she pretty?
Candidate: yes
Employer: Is she your first lover?
Candidate: Yes.
Employer: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.
*Story V*
Employer: Any girlfriends?
Candidate: Yes.
Employer: Is she your first lover?
Candidate: No. Have a few already.
Employer: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a "grasshopper" !(Jobhoper lah!)
*Story VI*
Employer: Any boyfriends?
Candidate: Yes.
Employer: Is he rich?
Candidate: No.
Employer: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our Company is dealing
with money and you will seduce.
*Story VII*
Employer: Any boyfriends?
Candidate: Yes.
Employer: Is he rich ?
Candidate: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.
Employer: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even want toemploy you, neither do we!
Candidate: But...... there is no position in his company.
Employer: Then..... what is your qualification?
Candidate: Secretary!
Employer: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will affectyour managers' working spirits.
Candidate: But...... I am not pretty at all.
Employer: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested in you!!
Employer: Do u have a boyfriend?
Candidate: I have.
Employer: Is he working Locally?
Candidate: No. He is working Overseas.
Employer: Sorry, my company cannot employ u !
Candidate: Why?
Employer: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't
want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u.
*Story II*
Employer: Any girl friends?
Candidate: No.
Employer: So far chased any before?
Candidate: Have, but not successful.
Employer: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend?
Candidate: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider this personalissue.
Employer: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.
Candidate: Why?
Employer: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!
*Story III*
Employer: Any girlfriends?
Candidate: Yes.
Employer: Is she pretty?
Candidate: Not quite.
Employer: Sorry, my company cannot employ you.
Candidate: Why? Will this affect your company's reputation?
Employer: No, it does not affect the company's reputation but because my company is
dealing with arts, our company requested an artist.
*Story IV*
Employer: Any girlfriends?
Candidate: Yes.
Employer: Is she pretty?
Candidate: yes
Employer: Is she your first lover?
Candidate: Yes.
Employer: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.
*Story V*
Employer: Any girlfriends?
Candidate: Yes.
Employer: Is she your first lover?
Candidate: No. Have a few already.
Employer: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a "grasshopper" !(Jobhoper lah!)
*Story VI*
Employer: Any boyfriends?
Candidate: Yes.
Employer: Is he rich?
Candidate: No.
Employer: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our Company is dealing
with money and you will seduce.
*Story VII*
Employer: Any boyfriends?
Candidate: Yes.
Employer: Is he rich ?
Candidate: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.
Employer: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even want toemploy you, neither do we!
Candidate: But...... there is no position in his company.
Employer: Then..... what is your qualification?
Candidate: Secretary!
Employer: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will affectyour managers' working spirits.
Candidate: But...... I am not pretty at all.
Employer: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested in you!!
Aur Pappu Paas Ho Gaya...
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Saving Barack...
Barack Obama was out jogging one morning along the
parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing
and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3
kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He
was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland '
Barack said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on my
special Senator's airplane.'
The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air
Jordan 's shoes.'
Barack said, 'I'll get them for you and even have
Michael Jordan sign them!'
The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a
built in TV and stereo headset!'
Barack was a little perplexed b y this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped.'
The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!
parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing
and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3
kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He
was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland '
Barack said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on my
special Senator's airplane.'
The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air
Jordan 's shoes.'
Barack said, 'I'll get them for you and even have
Michael Jordan sign them!'
The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a
built in TV and stereo headset!'
Barack was a little perplexed b y this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped.'
The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!
Nice 5 Stories
*************************** Story 1 ***************************
A girl and a boy were on a motorcycle, speeding through the night.
They loved each other a lot.....
Girl:"slow down a little.. I'm scared.."
Boy: "No, it's so fun.."
Girl: "please..it's so scary.."
Boy: "Then say that you love me.."
Girl: "Fine..I love you..can you slow down now?"
Boy: "Give me a big hug.."
The girl gave him a big hug.
Girl: "Now can you slow down?"
Boy: "Can you take off my helmet and put it on? It's uncomfortable
and it's bothering me while i ride."
The next day, there was a story in the newspaper. A motorcycle had crashed into a building because its brakes were broken. There were two people on the motorcycle, of which one died, and the other had survived...The guy knew that the brakes were broken. He didn't want to let the girl know, because he knew that the girl would have gotten scared. Instead, he was told the last time that she loved him,got a hug from her, put his helmet on her so that she can live, and die himself...
Once in a while, Right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairy tale...
Message "Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well"
*************************** Story 2 ***************************
Nurse: "It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman, in his 80's, presented to have sutures
(stitches) removed from his thumb.
He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I (nurse) took his vital signs and had him take a seat,
knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.
I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam
it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. Asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning
somewhere else, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.
I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease.
As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him. "And you are still going every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."
True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them, but you always know they're there
*************************** STORY 3 ************************
The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat
he'd told her was empty. Then she's settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg.
It had been a year since Susan became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity. 'How could this have happened to me?' she would plead, her heart knotted with anger. But no matter how much she cried or ranted or prayed, she knew the painful truth, her sight was never going to return. A cloud of depression hung over Susan's once optimistic spirit. All she had to cling to was her husband Mark.
Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength she needed to become independent again.
Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to
get around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the
city. At first, this comforted Susan and fulfilled Mark's need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the
slightest task. Soon, however Mark realized that this arrangement wasn't working - it was hectic, and costly.
Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But just the thought of mentioning it to her made him
cringe. She was still so fragile, so angry. How would she react? Just as Mark predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking
the bus again. "I'm blind!" she responded bitterly. "How am I supposed to know where I'm going? I feel like you're abandoning
me."
Mark's heart broke but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that each day he would ride the bus with her until she got the hang of it.
And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day. He taught her how to rely on her other senses to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her, and save her a seat. Each morning they made the journey together, and Mark would take a cab back to his office.
Although this routine was even more costly and exhausting than the previous one, Mark knew it was only a matter of time before Susan would be able to ride the bus on her own. Finally, Susan decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own. Monday morning arrived, and before she left, she threw her arms around Mark, her temporary bus riding companion, her husband, and her best friend. Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, his love. She said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.... Each day on her own went perfectly, and Susan had never felt better.
On Friday morning, Susan took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying for her fare to exit the bus, the driver said, "Boy, I sure envy you." Susan wasn't sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year? "Why do you envy me?"
The driver responded, "It must feel so good to be taken care of and protected like you are." Susan had no idea what the driver was
talking about, "What do you mean?" The driver said, "You know, every morning for the past week, a fine looking gentleman in a
military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you when you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building. Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky lady."
Tears of happiness poured down Susan's cheeks. For although she couldn't see him, she had always felt Mark's presence. She was blessed, so blessed, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn't need to see to believe - the gift of love that can bring light where there had been darkness.
"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her..."
So if you love someone be faithful to that person.
***************************STORY 4************************
From the very beginning, girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy, saying that it has got to do with family background, & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.
Due to family's pressure, the couple quarrelled very often. Though the girl loved the guy deeply, she always asked him: "How deep is your love for me?" As the guy is not good with his words, this often caused the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vents her anger on him. As for him, he only endured it in silence.
After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl:
"I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As
for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?" The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he left, they got engaged. The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it was hard, but both never thought of giving up.
One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. when she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realized that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. she had lost her voice....
The doctor says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing
coming out from her, she broke down. During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry,..it's still just silence cry that accompanied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.
With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply, countless of phonecalls,.. all the girl could do, besides crying, is still crying.... The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.
With a new environment, the girl learns sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.
A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing a invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead. When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her.
He used sign language to tell her "I've spent a year to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You." With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The girl finally smiled.
Treat every relationship as if it's the last one, then you'll know how to Give. Treat every moment as is it's the last day, then you'll
know how to treasure.
Treasure what you have right now, or else you will regret one day...
************************ STORY 5 **************************
After 21 years of marriage, I discovered a new way of keeping alive the spark of love. A little while ago I had started to go out with
another woman. It was really my wife's idea.
"I know that you love her," she said one day, taking me by surprise. "But I love YOU," I protested.
"I know, but you also love her."The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well?" she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
"I thought that it would be pleasant to pass some time with you," I responded.
"Just the two of us."
She thought about it for a moment then said "I would like that very much."
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous.
When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on.
She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.
"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't
wait to hear about our meeting". We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. my mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.
After we sat down, I had to read the menu to her. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entree, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me.
A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said.
"Then it's time for you to relax and let me return the favor," I responded.
During the dinner we had an agreeable conversation, nothing extraordinary - but catching up on recent events of each others lives. We talked so much that we missed the movie.
As we arrived at her house later, she said "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you". I agreed.
"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.
A few days later my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for
her.
Some time later I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.
An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I was almost sure that I couldn't be there but, nevertheless, I paid for two
plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant to me. I love you."
At that moment I understood the importance of saying, in time: "I LOVE YOU" and giving our loved ones the time that they deserve.
Nothing in life is more important than God and your family and friends.
Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off til "some other time".
Someone once said "I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
I think this is true with your in-laws, grandchildren, sisters, brothers and your friends. Anyone that means something to you - you
should spend time with them and let them know how much they mean to you as often as you can.
A girl and a boy were on a motorcycle, speeding through the night.
They loved each other a lot.....
Girl:"slow down a little.. I'm scared.."
Boy: "No, it's so fun.."
Girl: "please..it's so scary.."
Boy: "Then say that you love me.."
Girl: "Fine..I love you..can you slow down now?"
Boy: "Give me a big hug.."
The girl gave him a big hug.
Girl: "Now can you slow down?"
Boy: "Can you take off my helmet and put it on? It's uncomfortable
and it's bothering me while i ride."
The next day, there was a story in the newspaper. A motorcycle had crashed into a building because its brakes were broken. There were two people on the motorcycle, of which one died, and the other had survived...The guy knew that the brakes were broken. He didn't want to let the girl know, because he knew that the girl would have gotten scared. Instead, he was told the last time that she loved him,got a hug from her, put his helmet on her so that she can live, and die himself...
Once in a while, Right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairy tale...
Message "Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well"
*************************** Story 2 ***************************
Nurse: "It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman, in his 80's, presented to have sutures
(stitches) removed from his thumb.
He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I (nurse) took his vital signs and had him take a seat,
knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.
I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam
it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. Asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning
somewhere else, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.
I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease.
As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him. "And you are still going every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."
True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them, but you always know they're there
*************************** STORY 3 ************************
The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat
he'd told her was empty. Then she's settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg.
It had been a year since Susan became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity. 'How could this have happened to me?' she would plead, her heart knotted with anger. But no matter how much she cried or ranted or prayed, she knew the painful truth, her sight was never going to return. A cloud of depression hung over Susan's once optimistic spirit. All she had to cling to was her husband Mark.
Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength she needed to become independent again.
Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to
get around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the
city. At first, this comforted Susan and fulfilled Mark's need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the
slightest task. Soon, however Mark realized that this arrangement wasn't working - it was hectic, and costly.
Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But just the thought of mentioning it to her made him
cringe. She was still so fragile, so angry. How would she react? Just as Mark predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking
the bus again. "I'm blind!" she responded bitterly. "How am I supposed to know where I'm going? I feel like you're abandoning
me."
Mark's heart broke but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that each day he would ride the bus with her until she got the hang of it.
And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day. He taught her how to rely on her other senses to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her, and save her a seat. Each morning they made the journey together, and Mark would take a cab back to his office.
Although this routine was even more costly and exhausting than the previous one, Mark knew it was only a matter of time before Susan would be able to ride the bus on her own. Finally, Susan decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own. Monday morning arrived, and before she left, she threw her arms around Mark, her temporary bus riding companion, her husband, and her best friend. Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, his love. She said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.... Each day on her own went perfectly, and Susan had never felt better.
On Friday morning, Susan took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying for her fare to exit the bus, the driver said, "Boy, I sure envy you." Susan wasn't sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year? "Why do you envy me?"
The driver responded, "It must feel so good to be taken care of and protected like you are." Susan had no idea what the driver was
talking about, "What do you mean?" The driver said, "You know, every morning for the past week, a fine looking gentleman in a
military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you when you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building. Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky lady."
Tears of happiness poured down Susan's cheeks. For although she couldn't see him, she had always felt Mark's presence. She was blessed, so blessed, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn't need to see to believe - the gift of love that can bring light where there had been darkness.
"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her..."
So if you love someone be faithful to that person.
***************************STORY 4************************
From the very beginning, girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy, saying that it has got to do with family background, & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.
Due to family's pressure, the couple quarrelled very often. Though the girl loved the guy deeply, she always asked him: "How deep is your love for me?" As the guy is not good with his words, this often caused the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vents her anger on him. As for him, he only endured it in silence.
After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl:
"I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As
for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?" The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he left, they got engaged. The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it was hard, but both never thought of giving up.
One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. when she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realized that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. she had lost her voice....
The doctor says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing
coming out from her, she broke down. During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry,..it's still just silence cry that accompanied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.
With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply, countless of phonecalls,.. all the girl could do, besides crying, is still crying.... The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.
With a new environment, the girl learns sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.
A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing a invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead. When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her.
He used sign language to tell her "I've spent a year to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You." With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The girl finally smiled.
Treat every relationship as if it's the last one, then you'll know how to Give. Treat every moment as is it's the last day, then you'll
know how to treasure.
Treasure what you have right now, or else you will regret one day...
************************ STORY 5 **************************
After 21 years of marriage, I discovered a new way of keeping alive the spark of love. A little while ago I had started to go out with
another woman. It was really my wife's idea.
"I know that you love her," she said one day, taking me by surprise. "But I love YOU," I protested.
"I know, but you also love her."The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well?" she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
"I thought that it would be pleasant to pass some time with you," I responded.
"Just the two of us."
She thought about it for a moment then said "I would like that very much."
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous.
When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on.
She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.
"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't
wait to hear about our meeting". We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. my mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.
After we sat down, I had to read the menu to her. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entree, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me.
A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said.
"Then it's time for you to relax and let me return the favor," I responded.
During the dinner we had an agreeable conversation, nothing extraordinary - but catching up on recent events of each others lives. We talked so much that we missed the movie.
As we arrived at her house later, she said "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you". I agreed.
"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.
A few days later my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for
her.
Some time later I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.
An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I was almost sure that I couldn't be there but, nevertheless, I paid for two
plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant to me. I love you."
At that moment I understood the importance of saying, in time: "I LOVE YOU" and giving our loved ones the time that they deserve.
Nothing in life is more important than God and your family and friends.
Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off til "some other time".
Someone once said "I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
I think this is true with your in-laws, grandchildren, sisters, brothers and your friends. Anyone that means something to you - you
should spend time with them and let them know how much they mean to you as often as you can.
Wednesday 27 August 2008
THE SMART OLD LADY
Three Ladies in a Sauna
THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND
THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'
THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO
THE TOILETS. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!!
THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND
THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'
THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO
THE TOILETS. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!!
LEGAL......LOGICAL
After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a
student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.
If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and
go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A"
for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and
neither logical, nor legal?"
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give
the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an
"A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the
same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35
year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25
year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you
have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have
failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.
If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and
go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A"
for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and
neither logical, nor legal?"
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give
the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an
"A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the
same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35
year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25
year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you
have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have
failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
• Kanjoos ki zindagi kya jeena, kabhi humari tarah bhi jiya karo,
Roz mere sms padh kar sharam nahi aati, kabhi khud bhi SMS kiya karo.
• Rabb kare sade yaar muskraunde rehen,
Sohnia nu tarpaunde rehen,
Yara nal mehfila v launde rehan,
Kuri na fase koi gal ni, customer care nal kam chalaunde rehan.
• Ishq ke sahare jiya nahi karte,
Gum ke pyalo ko piya nahi karte,
Kuchh Nawab dost hain hamare,
jinko Pareshan na karo to wo yaad hi kiya nahi karte...
• Ae kalam ruk ruk ke chal ek adab ka mukaam hai,
teri nok ke neeche mere mehboob ka naam hai.
• Na moh na maya hai; Aalas tumhi ko aaya hai; Humein bhi msg kar k dekh lo; Nokia/Motorola/Sony ne ye mobile sirf tumhari GIRLFRIEND k liye nahi banaya hai.
• Yaad hum bhi aapko karte hai, yaad aap bhi hame karte hai,
fark itna hai hum yaad ane par sms karte hai aur aap sms ane par yaad karte hai.
• Mud ker na dekh mujhe, yoon hanstay hanstay,
Mere dost hain bade hoshiyaar, keh dengay bhabhi Namaste.
• Dil ke dard ko dil todne waala kya jaane,
pyaar ke rivajo ko ye jmaana kya jaane,
hoti hai kitni takleef kabar mein,
upper se phool chadane waala kya jaane
• Meri ankho ko sapne fir dikha gaya koi, buzhti sason me mahak fir jaga gaya koi, kya ye sachmuch pyar hai, ya Chutiya fir se bana gaya koi.
• Bade ajeeb hain ye zindagi ke raaste, anjane mod par kuchh log dost ban jate hain, milne ki khushi de ya na de bichhadne ka gam zarur de jate hain.
• Aapake miss call bhi kya baat hain,
Aapke sms bhi din raat hain,
Kabhi kabhi phone bhi kiya karo,
Suna hain aapake awaaz me bhi khas baat hain.
• Apni Surat ka kabhi to didaar de,
Tadap raha hu kabhi to apna pyaar de,
Apni awaaz nahi sunani to mat suna,
Kam se kam ek Missed call he maar de
• Pyar ko mat chhupao, usey zarurat hai jatane ki, Apni pratibhaon ko mat chupao, unhe zarurat hai badhane ki, Ab aur perfume mat lagao, tumhe zarurat hai nahane ki.
Roz mere sms padh kar sharam nahi aati, kabhi khud bhi SMS kiya karo.
• Rabb kare sade yaar muskraunde rehen,
Sohnia nu tarpaunde rehen,
Yara nal mehfila v launde rehan,
Kuri na fase koi gal ni, customer care nal kam chalaunde rehan.
• Ishq ke sahare jiya nahi karte,
Gum ke pyalo ko piya nahi karte,
Kuchh Nawab dost hain hamare,
jinko Pareshan na karo to wo yaad hi kiya nahi karte...
• Ae kalam ruk ruk ke chal ek adab ka mukaam hai,
teri nok ke neeche mere mehboob ka naam hai.
• Na moh na maya hai; Aalas tumhi ko aaya hai; Humein bhi msg kar k dekh lo; Nokia/Motorola/Sony ne ye mobile sirf tumhari GIRLFRIEND k liye nahi banaya hai.
• Yaad hum bhi aapko karte hai, yaad aap bhi hame karte hai,
fark itna hai hum yaad ane par sms karte hai aur aap sms ane par yaad karte hai.
• Mud ker na dekh mujhe, yoon hanstay hanstay,
Mere dost hain bade hoshiyaar, keh dengay bhabhi Namaste.
• Dil ke dard ko dil todne waala kya jaane,
pyaar ke rivajo ko ye jmaana kya jaane,
hoti hai kitni takleef kabar mein,
upper se phool chadane waala kya jaane
• Meri ankho ko sapne fir dikha gaya koi, buzhti sason me mahak fir jaga gaya koi, kya ye sachmuch pyar hai, ya Chutiya fir se bana gaya koi.
• Bade ajeeb hain ye zindagi ke raaste, anjane mod par kuchh log dost ban jate hain, milne ki khushi de ya na de bichhadne ka gam zarur de jate hain.
• Aapake miss call bhi kya baat hain,
Aapke sms bhi din raat hain,
Kabhi kabhi phone bhi kiya karo,
Suna hain aapake awaaz me bhi khas baat hain.
• Apni Surat ka kabhi to didaar de,
Tadap raha hu kabhi to apna pyaar de,
Apni awaaz nahi sunani to mat suna,
Kam se kam ek Missed call he maar de
• Pyar ko mat chhupao, usey zarurat hai jatane ki, Apni pratibhaon ko mat chupao, unhe zarurat hai badhane ki, Ab aur perfume mat lagao, tumhe zarurat hai nahane ki.
Friday 22 August 2008
Dhansu PJ
You must have seen the Dev Anand's mega hit film 'Guide'. In the
film there is a famous song 'Gaata rahe mera Dil...' in which Waheeda
Rehman wears a pink saree and throughout the song she wore the same saree.
So, when we have a trend of heroines changing clothes in every sequence,
the big question is: Why doesn't Waheeda Rehman changed her saree in the
entire song?
The answer to this is simply amazing and no amount of head scratching will help you....
I BET U HAVE NOT COME ACROSS ANYTHING INTELLIGENT THAN THIS ...
> scroll down for the answer....
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And the answer is:
Because in the first stanza of the song, Dev Anand sings the following lines:
'O mere Humrahi,
Meri bah thamen chalna,
Badle duniya 'SAREE',
Tum na badalna...." :)
film there is a famous song 'Gaata rahe mera Dil...' in which Waheeda
Rehman wears a pink saree and throughout the song she wore the same saree.
So, when we have a trend of heroines changing clothes in every sequence,
the big question is: Why doesn't Waheeda Rehman changed her saree in the
entire song?
The answer to this is simply amazing and no amount of head scratching will help you....
I BET U HAVE NOT COME ACROSS ANYTHING INTELLIGENT THAN THIS ...
> scroll down for the answer....
>
>
> .
> .
>
> .
>
> .
> .
>
> ..
>
> .
>
> .
>
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>
> .
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And the answer is:
Because in the first stanza of the song, Dev Anand sings the following lines:
'O mere Humrahi,
Meri bah thamen chalna,
Badle duniya 'SAREE',
Tum na badalna...." :)
Thursday 21 August 2008
TO ALL WHO HAVE A FALSE AMERICAN ACCENT
An Indian lady (NRI) returned from the US to India and is window-shopping in Delhi.
Suddenly she realizes she is late for an appointment.
She is not wearing a watch so she sees a small shop on the roadside and asks in a very American accent to the Sardar owner,
'Wot's the tyme?'
The Sardar is a very patriotic man and hates Desis / Indians who put on a foreign accent.
He replies in the same American accent, 'Bra-panties.'
Confused the lady asks again, 'No! No! Wot's DA tyme?'
The Sardar again answers back, in the same accent, 'Bra-panties.'
Seeing the confusion between the two, another sardar comes to the rescue of the lady and says,
'O papaji, tusi samajh nahin paaye?
Kudi twade ko puuch rahii hai, kinna time hua!!'
The angry Sardar shouts back at him,
'Abe paji, tow main bhi to oonoo time hee Bata rahan hu- barah payntis (12.35).
Suddenly she realizes she is late for an appointment.
She is not wearing a watch so she sees a small shop on the roadside and asks in a very American accent to the Sardar owner,
'Wot's the tyme?'
The Sardar is a very patriotic man and hates Desis / Indians who put on a foreign accent.
He replies in the same American accent, 'Bra-panties.'
Confused the lady asks again, 'No! No! Wot's DA tyme?'
The Sardar again answers back, in the same accent, 'Bra-panties.'
Seeing the confusion between the two, another sardar comes to the rescue of the lady and says,
'O papaji, tusi samajh nahin paaye?
Kudi twade ko puuch rahii hai, kinna time hua!!'
The angry Sardar shouts back at him,
'Abe paji, tow main bhi to oonoo time hee Bata rahan hu- barah payntis (12.35).
Stupid questions.....smart answers
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
Tuesday 19 August 2008
JOKE OF A POPE
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to
leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of
the Sikh community.
If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay. If the Pope won, the Sikhs would
leave.
The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged
man named
Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional
condition to the debate.
To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The
Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat
opposite each other for a
full minute. Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Harbinder looked back at
him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around
his head. Harbinder
pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a
glass of wine. Harbinder
pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs
can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what
had happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy
trinity. He responded by
holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to
both our religions. Then
I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He
responded by pointing to
the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out
the wine and wafer to
show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind
me of original sin.
He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh. "What
happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days
to get out of here.
I told him to
f*@k
off and not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that
this whole city would be
cleared of Sikhs. I let him know that we were staying right here." "Yes,
and then???" asked the crowd.
"I don't know", said Harbinder, "He took out his lunch, and I took out
mine!!
sim
--
"Where's your will to be weird?" jim morrison
leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of
the Sikh community.
If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay. If the Pope won, the Sikhs would
leave.
The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged
man named
Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional
condition to the debate.
To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The
Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat
opposite each other for a
full minute. Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Harbinder looked back at
him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around
his head. Harbinder
pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a
glass of wine. Harbinder
pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs
can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what
had happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy
trinity. He responded by
holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to
both our religions. Then
I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He
responded by pointing to
the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out
the wine and wafer to
show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind
me of original sin.
He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh. "What
happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days
to get out of here.
I told him to
f*@k
off and not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that
this whole city would be
cleared of Sikhs. I let him know that we were staying right here." "Yes,
and then???" asked the crowd.
"I don't know", said Harbinder, "He took out his lunch, and I took out
mine!!
sim
--
"Where's your will to be weird?" jim morrison
"I Belong to You." The true story
A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage.
They were a Loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes.
When the boy was Around two years old, one morning the husband
saw a medicine bottle Open.
He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and
keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally
forgot the matter.
The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated
by its colour and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine
meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother
hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned.
She was terrified how to face her husband.
When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the
dead child , He looked at his wife and uttered just ten words.
ANSWER :
The husband just said ,
"I am with you, Darling . I belong to You."
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behaviour.
The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no
point in finding fault with the mother.Besides, if only he had taken
time to Keep the bottle away,this would not have happened. No one
is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed
at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband.
That is what he gave her. If everyone can look at life with this kind
of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world.
Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears.
and you will find things are not actually not as difficult as you think.
MORAL OF THE STORY
Love people unconditionally. Seperate people from their qualities.
Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom
to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people
we know. By this way we miss out some warmth in human relationships.
They were a Loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes.
When the boy was Around two years old, one morning the husband
saw a medicine bottle Open.
He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and
keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally
forgot the matter.
The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated
by its colour and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine
meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother
hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned.
She was terrified how to face her husband.
When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the
dead child , He looked at his wife and uttered just ten words.
ANSWER :
The husband just said ,
"I am with you, Darling . I belong to You."
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behaviour.
The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no
point in finding fault with the mother.Besides, if only he had taken
time to Keep the bottle away,this would not have happened. No one
is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed
at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband.
That is what he gave her. If everyone can look at life with this kind
of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world.
Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears.
and you will find things are not actually not as difficult as you think.
MORAL OF THE STORY
Love people unconditionally. Seperate people from their qualities.
Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom
to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people
we know. By this way we miss out some warmth in human relationships.
PEE KE TUNN
Anil came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. 'Who the hell are you?' Demanded Anil, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom?'.
The mysterious Man answered 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm Yamraj'.
Anil was stunned 'You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away'.
Yamraj replied 'Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'
Anil was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. 'This ain't so bad' he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said 'So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?'
It's not so bad' replies Anil, 'but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode'.
You're ovulating' explained the rooster, 'don't tell me you've never laid an egg before'.
'Never' replies Anil
'Well just relax and let it happen'
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail.
An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him... ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting
Anil, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting on the bed'.
He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. 'Who the hell are you?' Demanded Anil, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom?'.
The mysterious Man answered 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm Yamraj'.
Anil was stunned 'You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away'.
Yamraj replied 'Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'
Anil was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. 'This ain't so bad' he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said 'So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?'
It's not so bad' replies Anil, 'but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode'.
You're ovulating' explained the rooster, 'don't tell me you've never laid an egg before'.
'Never' replies Anil
'Well just relax and let it happen'
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail.
An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him... ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting
Anil, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting on the bed'.
DHOKLA, SAMBHAR & PARATHA
A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a sardaar were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were having lunch and Gujju said, "Dhokla! If I get dhokla one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Idli Sambhar again! If I get idli sambhar one more time I'm going to jump off too."
The sardaar opened his lunch and said, "Parontha again! If I get a parontha one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to his death.
The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too.
The sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, Gujju's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Madrasi's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him dossa! I didn't realize he hated idli sambhar so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the sardaar's wife.
Scroll down for her answer
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The sardaar's wife said,
"Don't look at me.
He makes his own lunch."
They were having lunch and Gujju said, "Dhokla! If I get dhokla one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Idli Sambhar again! If I get idli sambhar one more time I'm going to jump off too."
The sardaar opened his lunch and said, "Parontha again! If I get a parontha one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to his death.
The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too.
The sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, Gujju's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Madrasi's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him dossa! I didn't realize he hated idli sambhar so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the sardaar's wife.
Scroll down for her answer
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The sardaar's wife said,
"Don't look at me.
He makes his own lunch."
Dog Sense
Ever heard that a dog "knows" when an earthquake is about to hit?
Have you ever heard that a dog can "sense" when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away?
Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed?
Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other serious illnesses and danger of fire?
Somehow they always know when they can 'go for a ride' before you even ask and how do those dogs and cats get home from hundreds of miles away?
I'm a firm believer that animals - and especially dogs - have keen insights into the Truth.
And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance.
Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn't right .. . when impending doom is upon us . . they'll always try to warn us.... !!
Have you ever heard that a dog can "sense" when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away?
Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed?
Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other serious illnesses and danger of fire?
Somehow they always know when they can 'go for a ride' before you even ask and how do those dogs and cats get home from hundreds of miles away?
I'm a firm believer that animals - and especially dogs - have keen insights into the Truth.
And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance.
Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn't right .. . when impending doom is upon us . . they'll always try to warn us.... !!
MEN AND WOMEN WAY OF THINKING
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN WAY OF THINKING...! !!!
At the college, male & female students were told to individually write a
sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.'
Females wrote : When two mature people are passionately and deeply in
love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other
very much, then, it is spiritually and morally acceptable to the society
that they both engage themselves in the act of physical sex with one
another.
Men wrote : 'I love sex.'
(AFTER READING THIS DO U THINK THAT WOMEN ARE SO COMPLICATED. .)
At the college, male & female students were told to individually write a
sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.'
Females wrote : When two mature people are passionately and deeply in
love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other
very much, then, it is spiritually and morally acceptable to the society
that they both engage themselves in the act of physical sex with one
another.
Men wrote : 'I love sex.'
(AFTER READING THIS DO U THINK THAT WOMEN ARE SO COMPLICATED. .)
Near death experience
Near death experience
Last night my mom and I were sitting in the living room, talking about life... In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.
I said to her: ' Mom, never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'.
Then my mom got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the Ipod, and the Xbox, and then went to the fridge and threw away all my beer!!
...I ALMOST DIED!!!
Last night my mom and I were sitting in the living room, talking about life... In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.
I said to her: ' Mom, never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'.
Then my mom got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the Ipod, and the Xbox, and then went to the fridge and threw away all my beer!!
...I ALMOST DIED!!!
SARDAR & PRIEST
A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, nattily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
Lord Dharamraj asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?
The guy replies: I am Banta Singh, taxi driver from New Delhi!
Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger, smiles & says to Banta Singh: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Sant Shiromani Baba so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Temple for the last 40 years.
Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. How is that a foul mouthed, rash driving Taxi Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?
'Results my friend, results,' shrugs Lord Dharamraj.
While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his taxi, people PRAYED.
Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.
Lord Dharamraj asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?
The guy replies: I am Banta Singh, taxi driver from New Delhi!
Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger, smiles & says to Banta Singh: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Sant Shiromani Baba so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Temple for the last 40 years.
Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. How is that a foul mouthed, rash driving Taxi Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?
'Results my friend, results,' shrugs Lord Dharamraj.
While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his taxi, people PRAYED.
Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.
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