--- Appraisal Ki Pyaas
--- Badla Developer Ka
--- Tester Bana Shaitaan
--- Manager ki Cheekh
--- Tadapti Delivery
--- Darinda PM
---Client Ka Qaher!!!!!!!!!!!
---Viraana Cubicle!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last but not the least .....................
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Khooni Call
Friday 17 October 2008
DENTIST JOKES
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
*
Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."
*
I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?
That's right, Sir.
So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?
That was my dentist.
*
At what time do most people go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty (2:30).
*
"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."
*
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100.
Patient: Well, without pain it's cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain.
Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth, when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!!
Hey, WITH pain it costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.
*
Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."
*
I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?
That's right, Sir.
So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?
That was my dentist.
*
At what time do most people go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty (2:30).
*
"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."
*
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100.
Patient: Well, without pain it's cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain.
Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth, when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!!
Hey, WITH pain it costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.
Blonde Year in Review
Blonde Year in Review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said '2-4 years!'
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.
September - The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911.....'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
What a year!!
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said '2-4 years!'
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.
September - The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911.....'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
What a year!!
Tuesday 14 October 2008
NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use
Friday 3 October 2008
Common statements made by people after getting drunk...
Common statements made by people after getting drunk...
1. Tu to Mera bhai hai...bhai!!!
2. Tume patah hai ki muzhe chadti nahi hai.....
3. Gaadi mein Chalaunga...(LOL MAA KASAM I GET VV SCARED WHEN GIRLS/GUYS DRINK AND DRIVE)
4. Tu bura mat maann bhai....
5. Mai teri Dil Se Izzat Karta hu...
6. Abe bol daal aaj usko, aar yaa paar....
7. Aaj saali Chad nahi rahi hai kya baat hai??
8. Tu Kya samajh raha hai mujhe chad gayi hai...
9. Ye mat samajh ki peeke bol raha hu...
10. Abe yaar kahin kam to nahi padegi itnee...
11. Ek Ek Chhota aur ho Jae...!!!
12. Abe…. Baap ko mat Sikhao…
13. Yaar magar tune mera dil tod diya...
14. Kuchh bhi hai par saala Bhai hai Apna...
15. Tu Bolna Bhai, kya chahiye...Jaan chahiye hazir hai ???
16. Abe mere ko aaj tak nahi Chadee...shart laga saala aaj tu..
17. Chal teri baat karata hoon usse, phone number de uska...
18. Saale teri bhabhie hai wo…bhabie ki nazar se dekh usko…
19. Yaar tu samjha kar.. wo tere layak nahi hai…
20. chal bhai tu kah raha hai to tere liye chodh diya usko.. aaj se wo teri…bana issi baat par ek – ek aur peg !!!
21. Tujhe kya lagta hai chadh gayi hai... abhi ek full aur khatam kar sakta hun…
And the best one...
22. Yaar aaj uski bahut yaad aa rahi hai
And Finally...
23. Aab bahut ho gaya ….Salla... aaj se daru band........ .......!!!
1. Tu to Mera bhai hai...bhai!!!
2. Tume patah hai ki muzhe chadti nahi hai.....
3. Gaadi mein Chalaunga...(LOL MAA KASAM I GET VV SCARED WHEN GIRLS/GUYS DRINK AND DRIVE)
4. Tu bura mat maann bhai....
5. Mai teri Dil Se Izzat Karta hu...
6. Abe bol daal aaj usko, aar yaa paar....
7. Aaj saali Chad nahi rahi hai kya baat hai??
8. Tu Kya samajh raha hai mujhe chad gayi hai...
9. Ye mat samajh ki peeke bol raha hu...
10. Abe yaar kahin kam to nahi padegi itnee...
11. Ek Ek Chhota aur ho Jae...!!!
12. Abe…. Baap ko mat Sikhao…
13. Yaar magar tune mera dil tod diya...
14. Kuchh bhi hai par saala Bhai hai Apna...
15. Tu Bolna Bhai, kya chahiye...Jaan chahiye hazir hai ???
16. Abe mere ko aaj tak nahi Chadee...shart laga saala aaj tu..
17. Chal teri baat karata hoon usse, phone number de uska...
18. Saale teri bhabhie hai wo…bhabie ki nazar se dekh usko…
19. Yaar tu samjha kar.. wo tere layak nahi hai…
20. chal bhai tu kah raha hai to tere liye chodh diya usko.. aaj se wo teri…bana issi baat par ek – ek aur peg !!!
21. Tujhe kya lagta hai chadh gayi hai... abhi ek full aur khatam kar sakta hun…
And the best one...
22. Yaar aaj uski bahut yaad aa rahi hai
And Finally...
23. Aab bahut ho gaya ….Salla... aaj se daru band........ .......!!!
Thursday 2 October 2008
Wednesday 1 October 2008
Arrested for laughing..!!
This is from an actual trial in the UK.
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant..
She sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins’.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: ‘William’s Stick Did The Trick’.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.’
The case was dismissed………!!!
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant..
She sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins’.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: ‘William’s Stick Did The Trick’.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.’
The case was dismissed………!!!
Banta and Kidnap
Banta and Kidnap
Banta spending his life in real poverty decides to earn some quick bucks through an illegal way.
He thinks of kidnaping someone and demanding ransom from the parents of that child.
In order to execute his plan, he goes to a nearby park and finds a little girl playing there. He writes a note "I have kidnapped your daughter. Drop by Rs.2,00,000 in the park by 12:00pm tomorrow else your daughter will be killed".
He pins the note on the girl's shirts and drops her at her home.
Next day..
Banta desperately waiting at the park for the money.
That little girl comes with a bag and hands over the bag to Banta with a note.
Banta checks the bag and finds Rs.2,00,000 in the bag. He desparately check the note which happens to be from Santa. It reads....
"Please don't kill my daughter. I'm sending Rs.2,00,000 with my daughter. Keep it and release my daughter".
Banta spending his life in real poverty decides to earn some quick bucks through an illegal way.
He thinks of kidnaping someone and demanding ransom from the parents of that child.
In order to execute his plan, he goes to a nearby park and finds a little girl playing there. He writes a note "I have kidnapped your daughter. Drop by Rs.2,00,000 in the park by 12:00pm tomorrow else your daughter will be killed".
He pins the note on the girl's shirts and drops her at her home.
Next day..
Banta desperately waiting at the park for the money.
That little girl comes with a bag and hands over the bag to Banta with a note.
Banta checks the bag and finds Rs.2,00,000 in the bag. He desparately check the note which happens to be from Santa. It reads....
"Please don't kill my daughter. I'm sending Rs.2,00,000 with my daughter. Keep it and release my daughter".
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