Banta and Kidnap

Banta and Kidnap

Banta spending his life in real poverty decides to earn some quick bucks through an illegal way.

He thinks of kidnaping someone and demanding ransom from the parents of that child.

In order to execute his plan, he goes to a nearby park and finds a little girl playing there. He writes a note "I have kidnapped your daughter. Drop by Rs.2,00,000 in the park by 12:00pm tomorrow else your daughter will be killed".

He pins the note on the girl's shirts and drops her at her home.

Next day..

Banta desperately waiting at the park for the money.

That little girl comes with a bag and hands over the bag to Banta with a note.

Banta checks the bag and finds Rs.2,00,000 in the bag. He desparately check the note which happens to be from Santa. It reads....

"Please don't kill my daughter. I'm sending Rs.2,00,000 with my daughter. Keep it and release my daughter".

Joke Of The Day

Doctor to sardar patient : Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai.
Sardar : Doctor saheb Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.
Doctor : dawai khali thi kya?
Sardar : Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.
Doctor : Are Sardar ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.
Sardar : Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le lit hi.
Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?
Sardar : Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.
Doctor : Abe GADHE, Dawai ko piliya tha kya?
Sardar : Nai. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.
Doctor( in frustration) : Abe teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k nai?
Sardar : Nai doctor saheb.
Doctor : Kyon?
Sardar : Kyonki dhakkan band tha.
Doctor : Teri sale, to Khola kyon nai.
Sardar : Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.
Doctor : Tera ilaz main nai kar sakta.!
Sardar : Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga JJJJJJJ

SANTA ANSWER MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY

Have you heard of Mr. Santa Singh applying to a medical school to become a doctor?

Needless to say he never made it. You know why?

These are the answers he wrote in his entrance exam.

************

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - The study of the paintings.

Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.

Caesarean section - a district in Rome.

Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.

Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.

Chronic - neck of a crow.

Coma - punctuation mark.

Cortisone - area around local court.

Cyst - short for sister.

Diagnosis - person with slanted nose.

Dilate - the late British Princess Diana.

Dislocation - in this place.

Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.

Enema - not a friend.

Fake labour - pretending to work.

Genes - blue denim.

Hernia - she is close by.

Impotent - distinguished/ well known.

Labour pain - hurt at work.

Lactose - people without toes.

Lymph - walk unsteadily.

Microbes - small dressing gown.

Obesity - city of Obe.

Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize.

Proteins - in favour of teens.

Pulse - grain.

Pus - small cat.

Red blood count - Dracula.

Secretion - hiding anything.

Tablet - small table.

Ultrasound - radical noise.

Urine - opposite of you're out.

Varicose - very close.



********

Cute Sardar Jokes

Punjabi | Forward this Picture

Intelligent Sardarji

A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don´t know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question: "What´s the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.
The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what´s the answer?"
Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse, hands the american $5, and goes back to sleep.

Sardarji's Mom's Letter

Dear banta
Vahe Guru !

I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.

I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I'm not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is really badmash. He told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.


P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

~~~~~~~~

SARDAR'S LAST WISH

SARDAR in ARABIA

A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got
arrested consuming alcohol which
is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so
for the terrible crime they are
all sentenced 20 lashes each of the
whip.
As they were preparing for their
punishment, the Sheik announced:

'It's my first wife's birthday today,
and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your
whipping..'

The German was first in line, he thought
for a while and then said: 'Please tie a pillow to my back.'

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: 'Please fix two pillows to my back.'

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the P akistani was also led away whimpering loudly.

The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:
'You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For
this, you may have two wishes!'

'Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,' Sardar replied.

'In recognition of your kindness, my
first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.'


'Not only are you an honorable, handsome

and powerful man, you are also
very brave.' The Sheik said with an
admiring look on his face.


'If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.

'And what is your second wish, ?' the Sheik asked.

Sardar smiled and said, 'Tie the Pakistani to my back' !!!

KHABARDAR KISINE AB SE SARDARKA MAZAAK UDAAYA TO

Sardars are not stupid

Sardars are not stupid

80,000 sardars meet in the Gurunanak stadium, for a "Sardars Are Not

Stupid" Convention.

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that

Sardars are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A sardar gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the

stage. The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.

Then 80,000 sardars start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him

another chance!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting

80,000 Of you in one place and we have the worldwide press and global

broadcast media here, uh, I guess we can give him another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds he eventually Says, "Ninety?"

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected

Sigh - everyone is disheartened, the sardar starts crying and the

80,000 sardars begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,

"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage,

eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance What is 2 plus 2?"

The sardar closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says,

"Four?"

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 surdies

jump To their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...

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............ ......... ......... ..

............ ......... .....

............ ........

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............ ..

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"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!

"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!

Sardar Jokes

nterviewer: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY...



~~~~~~~~~



A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .

He replaced friend with father in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,

SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.



~~~~~~~~~



A sardar on an interview 4 DA post detective.

Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?

Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......



~~~~~~~~~



2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....



~~~~~~~~~

Sardar and Priest

A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, nattily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

Lord Dharamraj asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?

The guy replies: I am Banta Singh, taxi driver from New Delhi!

Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger, smiles & says to Banta Singh: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Sant Shiromani Baba so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Temple for the last 40 years.

Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. How is that a foul mouthed, rash driving Taxi Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?

'Results my friend, results,' shrugs Lord Dharamraj.

While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his taxi, people PRAYED.

Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.

JOKE OF A POPE

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to
leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of
the Sikh community.
If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay. If the Pope won, the Sikhs would
leave.
The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged
man named
Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional
condition to the debate.
To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The
Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat
opposite each other for a
full minute. Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Harbinder looked back at
him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around
his head. Harbinder
pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a
glass of wine. Harbinder
pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs
can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what
had happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy
trinity. He responded by
holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to
both our religions. Then
I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He
responded by pointing to
the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out
the wine and wafer to
show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind
me of original sin.
He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh. "What
happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days
to get out of here.
I told him to
f*@k
off and not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that
this whole city would be
cleared of Sikhs. I let him know that we were staying right here." "Yes,
and then???" asked the crowd.
"I don't know", said Harbinder, "He took out his lunch, and I took out
mine!!
sim

--
"Where's your will to be weird?" jim morrison

DHOKLA, SAMBHAR & PARATHA

A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a sardaar were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were having lunch and Gujju said, "Dhokla! If I get dhokla one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Idli Sambhar again! If I get idli sambhar one more time I'm going to jump off too."

The sardaar opened his lunch and said, "Parontha again! If I get a parontha one more time, I'm jumping too."


The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to his death.

The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too.

The sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death as well.


At the funeral, Gujju's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Madrasi's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him dossa! I didn't realize he hated idli sambhar so much."


Everyone turned and stared at the sardaar's wife.

Scroll down for her answer



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The sardaar's wife said,

"Don't look at me.

He makes his own lunch."

Here comes the mallu.

Enough of Sardar jokes……………..Mallu jokes are here !

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called? IngumDax

2) Where did the Malayali study? In the ko-liage.

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today? He is very bissi.

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket? To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff? To yearn meney.

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire? He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

7) How does a Malayali spell moon? MOON - Yem Who yet another Who and Yen

8) What is Malayali management graduate called? Yem Bee Yae.

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ? He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday? An Oto

11) Where does he pray? In a Temble, Charch and a Maask

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ? A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis don't werk hard? Kerala.

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala? Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait? He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line? " Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ? Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.

18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of kokanet oil.

19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs.

20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN bones....