Ek bhoot dusare bhoot ko bolta hai-
Kitni ajeeb baat hai aadmi mar ne
ke baad bhoot ban jata hai,
par aurat chudel ki chudel hi rehti hai.....
Wife- Ek baat bolu maarna mat.
Husband- Bolo.
Wife- I am pregnant.
Husband- Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Wife- College me ek baar papa ko
batai thi to bahut maara tha.
A marathi student in a village was asked to
read the English numbers 70, 82, 89, 99.
He reads "Shewanti, Yeti tu? Yeti nai? nai tar nai..."
Sardar - Bachpan me maa ki bat suni hoti to aaj ye din na dekhna padta.
Judge- Kya kehti thi maa?
Sardar- Jab bat hi nahi suni to kaise batau kya kehti thi?
Wife- "Suno ji, doctor ne muze 1 mahine aaram k liye kisi
Hill station pe jaane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge?"
Husband- Dusre doctor ke pas.
Santa goes to hotel and orders fried fish.
Waiter- Sir, French or Spanish?
Santa- Jo marji le aa, maine kaunsi baatein karni hai....!
Showing posts with label Jokes And Shayaris. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes And Shayaris. Show all posts
Thursday, 11 September 2008
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
Computer Shayaris
Aakar Dekho To Mujhko
Mein SQL Prompt parr rehta Hoon,
Tere Login Ki Chaah Mein Kitne
Scott/Tiger Sehtaa Hoo
Tumse mila main kal to,
mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili to
kehti ho: Your file not found!
Tumhaara intezaar karte karte,
main so gaya
Yeh dekho mera connection,
time out ho gaya
Kab Se Boot kiye Baithaa Hoon
PC Apne Pyar Ka,
Kaise Type Karoon Mein Lekin
Password Izhaar Ka?
Dil ki Chaaron Drives Pe Meine
Jaana Tujhko Search Kiya,
Yahoo!, Yahoo!, Google!, Google!
Kitna Paisa Kharch Kiya.
Tere Chehre Pe Gussay Ka
ScreenSaver Jab Aata Hai,
Mere Chehre Ka Display Tab
Greyscale Ho Jata Hai
Jinke Links Ab Toot Chuke Hai
Shortcuts Woh Wipe Karo,
Apani ankhiyon ke browser mei
Mera Address Type Karo
Mein SQL Prompt parr rehta Hoon,
Tere Login Ki Chaah Mein Kitne
Scott/Tiger Sehtaa Hoo
Tumse mila main kal to,
mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili to
kehti ho: Your file not found!
Tumhaara intezaar karte karte,
main so gaya
Yeh dekho mera connection,
time out ho gaya
Kab Se Boot kiye Baithaa Hoon
PC Apne Pyar Ka,
Kaise Type Karoon Mein Lekin
Password Izhaar Ka?
Dil ki Chaaron Drives Pe Meine
Jaana Tujhko Search Kiya,
Yahoo!, Yahoo!, Google!, Google!
Kitna Paisa Kharch Kiya.
Tere Chehre Pe Gussay Ka
ScreenSaver Jab Aata Hai,
Mere Chehre Ka Display Tab
Greyscale Ho Jata Hai
Jinke Links Ab Toot Chuke Hai
Shortcuts Woh Wipe Karo,
Apani ankhiyon ke browser mei
Mera Address Type Karo
Friday, 29 August 2008
Crazzy Shayaris
Chand par kaali ghata chaati to hogi,
Sitaron mein Chamak aati to hogi.
Tum lakh chupao Duniya se, magar akeley mein
tumhe apni shakal pe hansi aati to Hogi.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* **
Ladka apni dilruba se pooch raha hai
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Ladke ka dost uske kaan mein bolta hai
Abbey patli gali pakad peeche uska baap hai
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Apki 'smile' ne saara jahan hila diya,
Apki 'smile' ne saara jahan hila diya,
COMA se jaage huye mareez ko permanently sula diya.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* *****
Aap itraate bahut ho dil ko behlate bahut ho,
Sochte hai apko Dinner per le jaye,
Par kya kare hamara iraada badal jaata hai,
kyunki tum khate bahut ho...!!
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ******
Apne roop par itna ghuroor na kar,
sab 2 din ki masti hai,
Tera husn bhi tab tak qayam hai,
jab tak
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.Fair & Lovely sasti hai.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
****
Jokes Time
English Teacher: Make a sentence using "Neither-Nor"
Naughty boy Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses,
"NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!
~~~~~~~~~
A sardar learning English introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,
This is my sardarni,
He is my kid,
& she is my kidney.
~~~~~~~~~
"FRIENDS STAND BEHIND U DURING UR BAD TIMES"
Do u want a documentary proof ??
Ok,In future check out ur marriage album..U'll find al frns behind u !!!
~~~~~~~~~
Kissing a woman at her FOREHEAD is Respect
At her LIPS is Love
CHEEKis Heroism
NECK is Lust
BUT KISSING HER IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND IS BRAVERY
Naughty boy Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses,
"NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!
~~~~~~~~~
A sardar learning English introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,
This is my sardarni,
He is my kid,
& she is my kidney.
~~~~~~~~~
"FRIENDS STAND BEHIND U DURING UR BAD TIMES"
Do u want a documentary proof ??
Ok,In future check out ur marriage album..U'll find al frns behind u !!!
~~~~~~~~~
Kissing a woman at her FOREHEAD is Respect
At her LIPS is Love
CHEEKis Heroism
NECK is Lust
BUT KISSING HER IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND IS BRAVERY
Sardar Jokes
nterviewer: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY...
~~~~~~~~~
A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .
He replaced friend with father in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
~~~~~~~~~
A sardar on an interview 4 DA post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
~~~~~~~~~
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
~~~~~~~~~
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY...
~~~~~~~~~
A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .
He replaced friend with father in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
~~~~~~~~~
A sardar on an interview 4 DA post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
~~~~~~~~~
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
~~~~~~~~~
collection of jokes
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
2 Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?
3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was
not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary
Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!
5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant
it’s already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an
umbrella and go.
6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer
gave 11cr after
deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else
return my 20 Rs
back.
7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it....
8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
passengers in the
car he was driving..
9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..
12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not
in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if
my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
21 What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"
23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
26 What's the definition of lawyer?
The larval form of a politician
27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the
weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "
When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?
(What Happened, My Son?)
31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, )
aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!
32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .
because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.
34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U
Continue to do so.
35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne
Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo
ta ra ra.
37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya
hoga....???
40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki
break
fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
41 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!
42 Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!
52
43 Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
44 Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
45 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
46 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
47 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
48 Man before Marriage I like Airtel....”Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan”
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network
Follows."
49 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!
gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI. ..
50 They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense
51 It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
52 It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to
protect a country
BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI
53 After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st
patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch
& finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI
54 What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a
positive side!
55 Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!
56 It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
57 A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
58 Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
59 Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay,
Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,
Sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb na
phatjain,
Sardar jee...Oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu bomb
hay. :)
60 aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay. rastay
main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta hay woh
apny dost say
kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi hairan ho
ker
yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy
61 Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai
kya?'
'Haan' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'
62 A sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "Hi, Main Bol Raha
Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
63 Ek pathan Cycle chalaty aur gungunaty howe kahin ja raha tha rasty
mein ek Aurat se takra betha.
Aurat chilla kar boli "Break nahi maar sakty thy kia ??? "
Pathan herat se... "Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida."
64 Burhiya:Aray dekho iss kambakhat maare ko mere sath larki ja rahi he
osse nahi dekh raha kab se mujhe taare chala ja ria he...!
65 Aadmi:Aray.. ! amma darasal ye kabaria he purana maal dekh raha he.
66 Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen aap bohat
ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.
67 Bacha: Sir, mujhse ziyada dimple to mere ammi ke parte hen.
68Aik lerki apny boy friend k sath nai garri main long drive par
ja rahi thi
achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !
kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?
kioon nahi.....larkay ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...
larki ne aahista se kaha........ ..
"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "
69 Sardar : Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf...kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek
bhi tili nahin jalti.
Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.
70 Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....
71 Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."
Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!"
72 Hum Ney Un Ki Yaad Main Ro Ro Kar Matkey Bhar Diye
Wo Bewafa Aye Aur Naha Kar Chal Diye
73 Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,
Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam
74 Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai
Iss dunya mein, tum he sab sey haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
75 rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum
76 kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,
dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha,
uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,
kambakht mien apna hi khoon thA
77 hi u all
i hv one puppy 4 u
1puppy 4 ur friend
1 puppy for ur fri ke fri
u know why???
becuz....... .....
ajj hi meray dogi nay 10 puppies ko janam dia hai
78 Civic VTI jisai kehete ho wo gadi tumaree hai
Jisey nokia 6600 kehte ho wo cell tumhara hai
Jinhai tum aamon k baghat kehte ho woh baghain tumharee hain
Kaho ik di kaho ik din
Ager sab kuch ye mera hai to sab kuch dedo ik din
Gari apni mujhe tum dedo cell dedo doosrey din
merey hathon mai kaghzat rakh ker dafa ho ik din
Dafa ho ik din dafa ho ik din...
79 dabe mein daba dabe mein kharghosh,
uncle nae ankh mari anute behosh...... :)
80 teen dost tha phalla patan dosra panjabe or tisra memon.Ramzan ka
maina
tha dostoo na bolaa ka yar zakat dana ha too app log kasa datta ho.too
phala dost patan na bolla ka hum khali maidan ma za kar gol paira
banatha ha or asman ma paisa ushal tha ha zoo paisa paira ka bhair
zata ha
woo zakat kartta ha or zoo andar hotta ha woo humara hotta ha .fer
pajabe na bolla ka hum ak lakir kachtta ha or paisa ushal tha ha zoo
paisa
left hand par zatta ha woo zakat kartta ha or zoo right hand par woo
humara.fer memon dost sa pucha ka woo kasa kartta ha too usna kaha ka
astag feroollha app log assa zakat kartta ho yea lakir fakir keya ha
hum
khali maidan ma zatta ha or asman ma husal tha ha zoo paisa asman ma
gheya woo zakat ka or zoo paisa necha aaya woo humara.
81 Admi Naai Se Meri TERE NAAM Wali Cutting Kar Do.
Naai Uski Tind Kar Deta Hai
Admi Ghussay Se Ye Kya Kiya Hai ???
Naai Main Kya Karoon Main Ne Dekhi Hi End Se Hai.
82 Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower
when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the
thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji
figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the
clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This
time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
83 A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he
feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The
lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm
waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front
of me, do you?"
84 Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
85 Safed saari par jab tum laalbindi lagati ho
khuda ki kasam ambulance nazar aati ho
farq sirf itna hai ke wo ghayal ko le jati hai
or tum ghayal kar jati ho
86 janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala chawal hai.
dukan daar: je hai
janab patan:eak kulo dado
dukan daar: je janab
janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai.
87 Aik haseen-o-jameel adaakara ke ghar aag lag gaee ..aag par qabu panay
main 10 minut lagay.....aor. ......aag bujhany walon per qabu panay
main
40 minut lagay
88 Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he
Aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal daal raha
hota he.
Pehla Aadmi doosre se kehta he " Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab
uthe ga?"
Doosra dost:"Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga
89 uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar
mujhe
pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga
bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay .... !!!!
90 aik dost dosray se : yaar har party mien tum yehi kurta kyun pehantay
ho
dosra dost : kyun ke yeh mera khandani kurta hai mere par dada ne
pehna
phir dada ne pehna phir mere walid ne pehna iss liye main bhi pehanta
hoon
pehla dost : ohh acha .. khier yeh batao k tumhari umar hogai hai
shadi
ki tum kartay kyun nahi ..kya koi larki pasand nahi ati
dosra dost : nahi yaar larkiyaan to bohat pasand ati hain
pehla dost : to phir kyun nahi kartay
dosra dost : yaar mere par dada ne nahi ki dada ne nahi ki mere walid
ne nahi ki to phir main kaise karloon ??
91 Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway
station ticket counter with two men ahead of him.
'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front.
He was given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.'
the second man asked & was handed a ticket.
Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'
'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk.
'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh
92 The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!
93 Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.
94 Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
95 A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of
AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom
96 Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else
Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
97 Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives
us light only in the day time when we dont need it.
98 Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
99 Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?
Customer : What other colours do you have?
100 My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
101 Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.
Sam : It's a family tradition.
Teacher : What do you mean?
Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.
Teacher : What about your mother?
Sam : She's a woman.
102 Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.
103 Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.
104 Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
105 Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.
106 Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."
One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again.
107 Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday, sametime."
108 Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office
109 A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in
particular
She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !
110 koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli
chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola:
Lagta hai pahunch gai :-)
111 Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode
Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly
112 What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.
113 Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga- mita dunga.
Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga.
114 Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Banta singh: Post office.
115 Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya?
Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."
116 Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe honge....think. ......... ...
"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"
117 Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?
Friend: B.A.
Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.
118 A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?
Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.
119 Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.
120 Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta
latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar bola oye side B gaa raha hun.
121 Sardarni asks her lover,"Santa dear, if we get engaged, will u give me a ring?"
"Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?"
122 Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days
because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.
123 One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a
building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh
your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" ....... since Sardarji was in panic.
Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while comming down when he was near the
tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto.
when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.
124 *** Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was
okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and
at last wrote - THUNK !!!"
125 a sardar was going on the road.Then he sees a man who has met with an
accident.so he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the
hospital.Then the sardar realises that the man should have brought by
ambulance.so he takes him back where he picked him
sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncher.he took spear tyre
and changed in the place of punchered tyre. but unfortunately he misplaced
the four screws to fit the tyre on its place . he was so confused ,,now
what to do,, a pagal(mentally retaired) person was watching this incident.
He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from
the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre.There after u can go
where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar Duniya tume
pagal kahate hai lakin i dont think u are a pagal. pagal replied sir,, i m
a pagal but i m not a sardar.
126 Once a Sardar ji rescued 6 people from a house burning on fire;
But still the Sardar ji was jailed, why?
Because all the rescued persons were fire fighters
127 TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
128 TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
129 TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
130 TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
131 TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
JOHNY: George!
132 TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
L-JOHNY: Me!
133 TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
134 L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
135 TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.
136 TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
137 Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday
sametime."
138 Question: There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boy jumps inside and
swims underneath them and counts the number of legs.
There are only 36 legs.HOW??
Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!
139 L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
140 Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is
green and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same
at home.
141 Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
142 Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
2 Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?
3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was
not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary
Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!
5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant
it’s already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an
umbrella and go.
6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer
gave 11cr after
deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else
return my 20 Rs
back.
7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it....
8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
passengers in the
car he was driving..
9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..
12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not
in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if
my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
21 What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"
23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
26 What's the definition of lawyer?
The larval form of a politician
27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the
weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "
When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?
(What Happened, My Son?)
31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, )
aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!
32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .
because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.
34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U
Continue to do so.
35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne
Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo
ta ra ra.
37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya
hoga....???
40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki
break
fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
41 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!
42 Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!
52
43 Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
44 Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
45 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
46 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
47 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
48 Man before Marriage I like Airtel....”Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan”
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network
Follows."
49 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!
gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI. ..
50 They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense
51 It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
52 It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to
protect a country
BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI
53 After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st
patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch
& finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI
54 What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a
positive side!
55 Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!
56 It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
57 A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
58 Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
59 Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay,
Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,
Sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb na
phatjain,
Sardar jee...Oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu bomb
hay. :)
60 aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay. rastay
main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta hay woh
apny dost say
kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi hairan ho
ker
yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy
61 Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai
kya?'
'Haan' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'
62 A sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "Hi, Main Bol Raha
Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
63 Ek pathan Cycle chalaty aur gungunaty howe kahin ja raha tha rasty
mein ek Aurat se takra betha.
Aurat chilla kar boli "Break nahi maar sakty thy kia ??? "
Pathan herat se... "Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida."
64 Burhiya:Aray dekho iss kambakhat maare ko mere sath larki ja rahi he
osse nahi dekh raha kab se mujhe taare chala ja ria he...!
65 Aadmi:Aray.. ! amma darasal ye kabaria he purana maal dekh raha he.
66 Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen aap bohat
ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.
67 Bacha: Sir, mujhse ziyada dimple to mere ammi ke parte hen.
68
ja rahi thi
achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !
kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?
kioon nahi.....larkay ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...
larki ne aahista se kaha........ ..
"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "
69 Sardar : Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf...kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek
bhi tili nahin jalti.
Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.
70 Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....
71 Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."
Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!"
72 Hum Ney Un Ki Yaad Main Ro Ro Kar Matkey Bhar Diye
Wo Bewafa Aye Aur Naha Kar Chal Diye
73 Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,
Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam
74 Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai
Iss dunya mein, tum he sab sey haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
75 rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum
76 kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,
dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha,
uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,
kambakht mien apna hi khoon thA
77 hi u all
i hv one puppy 4 u
1puppy 4 ur friend
1 puppy for ur fri ke fri
u know why???
becuz....... .....
ajj hi meray dogi nay 10 puppies ko janam dia hai
78 Civic VTI jisai kehete ho wo gadi tumaree hai
Jisey nokia 6600 kehte ho wo cell tumhara hai
Jinhai tum aamon k baghat kehte ho woh baghain tumharee hain
Kaho ik di kaho ik din
Ager sab kuch ye mera hai to sab kuch dedo ik din
Gari apni mujhe tum dedo cell dedo doosrey din
merey hathon mai kaghzat rakh ker dafa ho ik din
Dafa ho ik din dafa ho ik din...
79 dabe mein daba dabe mein kharghosh,
uncle nae ankh mari anute behosh...... :)
80 teen dost tha phalla patan dosra panjabe or tisra memon.Ramzan ka
maina
tha dostoo na bolaa ka yar zakat dana ha too app log kasa datta ho.too
phala dost patan na bolla ka hum khali maidan ma za kar gol paira
banatha ha or asman ma paisa ushal tha ha zoo paisa paira ka bhair
zata ha
woo zakat kartta ha or zoo andar hotta ha woo humara hotta ha .fer
pajabe na bolla ka hum ak lakir kachtta ha or paisa ushal tha ha zoo
paisa
left hand par zatta ha woo zakat kartta ha or zoo right hand par woo
humara.fer memon dost sa pucha ka woo kasa kartta ha too usna kaha ka
astag feroollha app log assa zakat kartta ho yea lakir fakir keya ha
hum
khali maidan ma zatta ha or asman ma husal tha ha zoo paisa asman ma
gheya woo zakat ka or zoo paisa necha aaya woo humara.
81 Admi Naai Se Meri TERE NAAM Wali Cutting Kar Do.
Naai Uski Tind Kar Deta Hai
Admi Ghussay Se Ye Kya Kiya Hai ???
Naai Main Kya Karoon Main Ne Dekhi Hi End Se Hai.
82 Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower
when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the
thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji
figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the
clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This
time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
83 A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he
feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The
lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm
waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front
of me, do you?"
84 Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
85 Safed saari par jab tum laalbindi lagati ho
khuda ki kasam ambulance nazar aati ho
farq sirf itna hai ke wo ghayal ko le jati hai
or tum ghayal kar jati ho
86 janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala chawal hai.
dukan daar: je hai
janab patan:eak kulo dado
dukan daar: je janab
janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai.
87 Aik haseen-o-jameel adaakara ke ghar aag lag gaee ..aag par qabu panay
main 10 minut lagay.....aor. ......aag bujhany walon per qabu panay
main
40 minut lagay
88 Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he
Aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal daal raha
hota he.
Pehla Aadmi doosre se kehta he " Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab
uthe ga?"
Doosra dost:"Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga
89 uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar
mujhe
pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga
bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay .... !!!!
90 aik dost dosray se : yaar har party mien tum yehi kurta kyun pehantay
ho
dosra dost : kyun ke yeh mera khandani kurta hai mere par dada ne
pehna
phir dada ne pehna phir mere walid ne pehna iss liye main bhi pehanta
hoon
pehla dost : ohh acha .. khier yeh batao k tumhari umar hogai hai
shadi
ki tum kartay kyun nahi ..kya koi larki pasand nahi ati
dosra dost : nahi yaar larkiyaan to bohat pasand ati hain
pehla dost : to phir kyun nahi kartay
dosra dost : yaar mere par dada ne nahi ki dada ne nahi ki mere walid
ne nahi ki to phir main kaise karloon ??
91 Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway
station ticket counter with two men ahead of him.
'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front.
He was given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.'
the second man asked & was handed a ticket.
Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'
'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk.
'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh
92 The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!
93 Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.
94 Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
95 A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of
AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom
96 Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else
Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
97 Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives
us light only in the day time when we dont need it.
98 Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
99 Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?
Customer : What other colours do you have?
100 My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
101 Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.
Sam : It's a family tradition.
Teacher : What do you mean?
Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.
Teacher : What about your mother?
Sam : She's a woman.
102 Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.
103 Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.
104 Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
105 Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.
106 Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."
One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again.
107 Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday, sametime."
108 Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office
109 A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in
particular
She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !
110 koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli
chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola:
Lagta hai pahunch gai :-)
111 Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode
Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly
112 What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.
113 Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga- mita dunga.
Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga.
114 Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Banta singh: Post office.
115 Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya?
Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."
116 Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe honge....think. ......... ...
"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"
117 Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?
Friend: B.A.
Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.
118 A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?
Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.
119 Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.
120 Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta
latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar bola oye side B gaa raha hun.
121 Sardarni asks her lover,"Santa dear, if we get engaged, will u give me a ring?"
"Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?"
122 Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days
because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.
123 One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a
building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh
your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" ....... since Sardarji was in panic.
Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while comming down when he was near the
tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto.
when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.
124 *** Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was
okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and
at last wrote - THUNK !!!"
125 a sardar was going on the road.Then he sees a man who has met with an
accident.so he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the
hospital.Then the sardar realises that the man should have brought by
ambulance.so he takes him back where he picked him
sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncher.he took spear tyre
and changed in the place of punchered tyre. but unfortunately he misplaced
the four screws to fit the tyre on its place . he was so confused ,,now
what to do,, a pagal(mentally retaired) person was watching this incident.
He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from
the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre.There after u can go
where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar Duniya tume
pagal kahate hai lakin i dont think u are a pagal. pagal replied sir,, i m
a pagal but i m not a sardar.
126 Once a Sardar ji rescued 6 people from a house burning on fire;
But still the Sardar ji was jailed, why?
Because all the rescued persons were fire fighters
127 TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
128 TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
129 TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
130 TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
131 TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
JOHNY: George!
132 TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
L-JOHNY: Me!
133 TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
134 L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
135 TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.
136 TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
137 Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday
sametime."
138 Question: There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boy jumps inside and
swims underneath them and counts the number of legs.
There are only 36 legs.HOW??
Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!
139 L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
140 Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is
green and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same
at home.
141 Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
142 Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Thursday, 28 August 2008
Aur Pappu Paas Ho Gaya...
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
• Kanjoos ki zindagi kya jeena, kabhi humari tarah bhi jiya karo,
Roz mere sms padh kar sharam nahi aati, kabhi khud bhi SMS kiya karo.
• Rabb kare sade yaar muskraunde rehen,
Sohnia nu tarpaunde rehen,
Yara nal mehfila v launde rehan,
Kuri na fase koi gal ni, customer care nal kam chalaunde rehan.
• Ishq ke sahare jiya nahi karte,
Gum ke pyalo ko piya nahi karte,
Kuchh Nawab dost hain hamare,
jinko Pareshan na karo to wo yaad hi kiya nahi karte...
• Ae kalam ruk ruk ke chal ek adab ka mukaam hai,
teri nok ke neeche mere mehboob ka naam hai.
• Na moh na maya hai; Aalas tumhi ko aaya hai; Humein bhi msg kar k dekh lo; Nokia/Motorola/Sony ne ye mobile sirf tumhari GIRLFRIEND k liye nahi banaya hai.
• Yaad hum bhi aapko karte hai, yaad aap bhi hame karte hai,
fark itna hai hum yaad ane par sms karte hai aur aap sms ane par yaad karte hai.
• Mud ker na dekh mujhe, yoon hanstay hanstay,
Mere dost hain bade hoshiyaar, keh dengay bhabhi Namaste.
• Dil ke dard ko dil todne waala kya jaane,
pyaar ke rivajo ko ye jmaana kya jaane,
hoti hai kitni takleef kabar mein,
upper se phool chadane waala kya jaane
• Meri ankho ko sapne fir dikha gaya koi, buzhti sason me mahak fir jaga gaya koi, kya ye sachmuch pyar hai, ya Chutiya fir se bana gaya koi.
• Bade ajeeb hain ye zindagi ke raaste, anjane mod par kuchh log dost ban jate hain, milne ki khushi de ya na de bichhadne ka gam zarur de jate hain.
• Aapake miss call bhi kya baat hain,
Aapke sms bhi din raat hain,
Kabhi kabhi phone bhi kiya karo,
Suna hain aapake awaaz me bhi khas baat hain.
• Apni Surat ka kabhi to didaar de,
Tadap raha hu kabhi to apna pyaar de,
Apni awaaz nahi sunani to mat suna,
Kam se kam ek Missed call he maar de
• Pyar ko mat chhupao, usey zarurat hai jatane ki, Apni pratibhaon ko mat chupao, unhe zarurat hai badhane ki, Ab aur perfume mat lagao, tumhe zarurat hai nahane ki.
Roz mere sms padh kar sharam nahi aati, kabhi khud bhi SMS kiya karo.
• Rabb kare sade yaar muskraunde rehen,
Sohnia nu tarpaunde rehen,
Yara nal mehfila v launde rehan,
Kuri na fase koi gal ni, customer care nal kam chalaunde rehan.
• Ishq ke sahare jiya nahi karte,
Gum ke pyalo ko piya nahi karte,
Kuchh Nawab dost hain hamare,
jinko Pareshan na karo to wo yaad hi kiya nahi karte...
• Ae kalam ruk ruk ke chal ek adab ka mukaam hai,
teri nok ke neeche mere mehboob ka naam hai.
• Na moh na maya hai; Aalas tumhi ko aaya hai; Humein bhi msg kar k dekh lo; Nokia/Motorola/Sony ne ye mobile sirf tumhari GIRLFRIEND k liye nahi banaya hai.
• Yaad hum bhi aapko karte hai, yaad aap bhi hame karte hai,
fark itna hai hum yaad ane par sms karte hai aur aap sms ane par yaad karte hai.
• Mud ker na dekh mujhe, yoon hanstay hanstay,
Mere dost hain bade hoshiyaar, keh dengay bhabhi Namaste.
• Dil ke dard ko dil todne waala kya jaane,
pyaar ke rivajo ko ye jmaana kya jaane,
hoti hai kitni takleef kabar mein,
upper se phool chadane waala kya jaane
• Meri ankho ko sapne fir dikha gaya koi, buzhti sason me mahak fir jaga gaya koi, kya ye sachmuch pyar hai, ya Chutiya fir se bana gaya koi.
• Bade ajeeb hain ye zindagi ke raaste, anjane mod par kuchh log dost ban jate hain, milne ki khushi de ya na de bichhadne ka gam zarur de jate hain.
• Aapake miss call bhi kya baat hain,
Aapke sms bhi din raat hain,
Kabhi kabhi phone bhi kiya karo,
Suna hain aapake awaaz me bhi khas baat hain.
• Apni Surat ka kabhi to didaar de,
Tadap raha hu kabhi to apna pyaar de,
Apni awaaz nahi sunani to mat suna,
Kam se kam ek Missed call he maar de
• Pyar ko mat chhupao, usey zarurat hai jatane ki, Apni pratibhaon ko mat chupao, unhe zarurat hai badhane ki, Ab aur perfume mat lagao, tumhe zarurat hai nahane ki.
Tuesday, 19 August 2008
INTELLIGENCE OF SARDAR
INTELLIGENCE OF SARDAR
1. Lecturer : Write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi.
Sardar : Gandhi was a great man but maa kasam, I dont know who is Jayanthi.
2. Sardar : You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: How ?
Sardar : You said this is American made radio. But when I put it ON, it says All IndiaRadio.
3. Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.
4. Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
5. On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
6. Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
7. 2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.
8. Interviewer : When is your birthday.
Sardar : 13th Oct.
Interviewer : which year ?
sardar : Oye Ullu ke patte : Every year.
9. Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
10. Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
11. Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
12. American told sardar : Hamare desh me 90% shaadi e-mail se hoti hai.
Sardar : Kya bath hai. Hamari desh me 100% female se hoti hai.
13. How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.
1. Lecturer : Write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi.
Sardar : Gandhi was a great man but maa kasam, I dont know who is Jayanthi.
2. Sardar : You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: How ?
Sardar : You said this is American made radio. But when I put it ON, it says All IndiaRadio.
3. Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.
4. Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
5. On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
6. Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
7. 2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.
8. Interviewer : When is your birthday.
Sardar : 13th Oct.
Interviewer : which year ?
sardar : Oye Ullu ke patte : Every year.
9. Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
10. Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
11. Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
12. American told sardar : Hamare desh me 90% shaadi e-mail se hoti hai.
Sardar : Kya bath hai. Hamari desh me 100% female se hoti hai.
13. How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.
Monday, 18 August 2008
Love more Humor?
Love more Humor?
1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD,
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC
6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.
12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein
Warm Regards,
Rachana Tiwari
1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD,
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC
6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.
12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein
Warm Regards,
Rachana Tiwari
Friday, 15 August 2008
Thodi Si Funny Shayari Ho Jae
Tumko dekha....tumko dekha...
tumko dekha....to yeh khayal aaya
paaglon ke stock mein naya maal aaya!
**********
Idhar khuda hai, udar khuda hai,
jidar dekho udar khuda hai,
idhar-udhar bus khuda hi khuda hai
jidhar nahi khuda hai....
udhar kal khudega!
**********
koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
abe aage bhi to bol...............
neuclear power ka jamaana hai, bomb se
udaa do saale ko...................
**********
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...
moti hamaar kutte ka naam!!
**********
tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge,
tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge.....
ghanti bajayenge aur bhaag jayenge !!
**********
Jis waqt khuda ne tumhe banaya hoga,
ek saroor sa uske dil pe chaya hoga...
pehle socha hoga tujhe jannat mein rakh lun..
phir usse zoo ka khayal aaya hoga!!!
**********
Mein Tumhare Liye Sab Kuch Karta..
Magar Mujhe Kaam Tha......
Mein Tumhare Liye Doob Ke Marta...
Magar Mujhe Zukham Tha !
**********
Mere marne ke baad mere doston,
yu aansoo na bahana,
Agar meri yaad aaye to,
sidhe upar chale aana!!
**********
Unki gali se guzre..ajeeb ittefaq tha
Unki gali se guzre..ajeeb ittefaq tha
Unho ne phool to phenka..
par gamla bhi saath tha!!
tumko dekha....to yeh khayal aaya
paaglon ke stock mein naya maal aaya!
**********
Idhar khuda hai, udar khuda hai,
jidar dekho udar khuda hai,
idhar-udhar bus khuda hi khuda hai
jidhar nahi khuda hai....
udhar kal khudega!
**********
koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
abe aage bhi to bol...............
neuclear power ka jamaana hai, bomb se
udaa do saale ko...................
**********
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...
moti hamaar kutte ka naam!!
**********
tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge,
tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge.....
ghanti bajayenge aur bhaag jayenge !!
**********
Jis waqt khuda ne tumhe banaya hoga,
ek saroor sa uske dil pe chaya hoga...
pehle socha hoga tujhe jannat mein rakh lun..
phir usse zoo ka khayal aaya hoga!!!
**********
Mein Tumhare Liye Sab Kuch Karta..
Magar Mujhe Kaam Tha......
Mein Tumhare Liye Doob Ke Marta...
Magar Mujhe Zukham Tha !
**********
Mere marne ke baad mere doston,
yu aansoo na bahana,
Agar meri yaad aaye to,
sidhe upar chale aana!!
**********
Unki gali se guzre..ajeeb ittefaq tha
Unki gali se guzre..ajeeb ittefaq tha
Unho ne phool to phenka..
par gamla bhi saath tha!!
Laughing will increase ur life span..
1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called "Saints", But now they are called.. "IT professionals"
2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt : "If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"
3) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And the other loves too many,
4) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!
5) Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as
GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
6) What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!
7) Useful
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!
8) Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..!
9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... Opening for you..! "
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"
10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee..... Leave them to us.
..........................................................................................
Need More Humor !-) ( click on the link below )
| Marriage quotes | God's IVR | 6 BEST SMART-ARSED ANSWERS OF THE YEAR |
| Medical Certificate | Female Software Programming ! |
..........................................................................................
2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt : "If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"
3) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And the other loves too many,
4) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!
5) Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as
GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
6) What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!
7) Useful
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!
8) Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..!
9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... Opening for you..! "
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"
10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee..... Leave them to us.
..........................................................................................
Need More Humor !-) ( click on the link below )
| Marriage quotes | God's IVR | 6 BEST SMART-ARSED ANSWERS OF THE YEAR |
| Medical Certificate | Female Software Programming ! |
..........................................................................................
God made daylight
God made daylight
God made daylight n called it the SUN.
God made entertainment n called it FUN.
God made nightlight n called it the MOON.
God made U n called CARTOON.
...........................................
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass & flowers 2.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
...........................................
HAR KASHTI ka sahil nahi hota
Kimti chiz ke har koi kabil nahi hota..
Ye to tumhari kismat aachi hai varna
Tumhare jaise ladko ke paas mobile nahi hota .
...........................................
Arz kiya hai.
Agar aapki shakal gadhe se milti hai,
Agar aapki shakal gadhe se milti hai,
To isme gadhe ki kya galti hai.
...........................................
God made daylight n called it the SUN.
God made entertainment n called it FUN.
God made nightlight n called it the MOON.
God made U n called CARTOON.
...........................................
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass & flowers 2.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
...........................................
HAR KASHTI ka sahil nahi hota
Kimti chiz ke har koi kabil nahi hota..
Ye to tumhari kismat aachi hai varna
Tumhare jaise ladko ke paas mobile nahi hota .
...........................................
Arz kiya hai.
Agar aapki shakal gadhe se milti hai,
Agar aapki shakal gadhe se milti hai,
To isme gadhe ki kya galti hai.
...........................................
God made daylight
God made daylight
God made daylight n called it the SUN.
God made entertainment n called it FUN.
God made nightlight n called it the MOON.
God made U n called CARTOON.
...........................................
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass & flowers 2.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
...........................................
HAR KASHTI ka sahil nahi hota
Kimti chiz ke har koi kabil nahi hota..
Ye to tumhari kismat aachi hai varna
Tumhare jaise ladko ke paas mobile nahi hota .
...........................................
Arz kiya hai.
Agar aapki shakal gadhe se milti hai,
Agar aapki shakal gadhe se milti hai,
To isme gadhe ki kya galti hai.
...........................................
God made daylight n called it the SUN.
God made entertainment n called it FUN.
God made nightlight n called it the MOON.
God made U n called CARTOON.
...........................................
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass & flowers 2.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
...........................................
HAR KASHTI ka sahil nahi hota
Kimti chiz ke har koi kabil nahi hota..
Ye to tumhari kismat aachi hai varna
Tumhare jaise ladko ke paas mobile nahi hota .
...........................................
Arz kiya hai.
Agar aapki shakal gadhe se milti hai,
Agar aapki shakal gadhe se milti hai,
To isme gadhe ki kya galti hai.
...........................................
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
