JUST GO THROUGH IT , YOU WILL ENJOY
One of the best interviews!! !
Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am SAMEER GUPTA. I did my Tele Communication engineering from
BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard
Of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission
Into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! In 12th.I
Was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to
Call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said
- "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this
College. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
Related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your
Engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you
Know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis
Tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and
3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try
To keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches
Really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I
Would complete it. In fact, when I flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job
For me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education
Itself was so much of pain!!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have
You worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current
Platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can
See I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the
Places in Mumbai)
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in
German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher
Version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new
Language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
Language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times
They are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech Ltd. Since
Joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that
Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and
Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call
And use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',
'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have
Deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I
Would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to
Avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term
preferably 2-4 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and
Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in
2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and
don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to
INFOSYS .. :-))
No intention to offend anybody..
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Thursday, 20 November 2008
Friday, 14 November 2008
Stop Lying Else!!!!!!!!!!
Kyle's Dad brought home a robot one day.
The robot had the ability to detect lies and would slap the person who lied. Kyle returned late from school
Dad asked, Son why are you late from school?
Dad, we had extra classes today, the robot slapped Kyle on his face.
Dad shouted, "come on tell me the truth, why are you late?"
Dad, I went to see the movie Ten Commandments, Kyle got another slap from the robot.
Sorry dad, I went to see the movie "Red Hot Queen".
"Shame on you son, when I was your age, I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved", ....... immediately, he gets a hot slap on the face from the robot.
Kyle's mom comes walking out of the kitchen and says to her husband... "After all, he's your son!"
the robot steps up and slaps Kyle's mom
The robot had the ability to detect lies and would slap the person who lied. Kyle returned late from school
Dad asked, Son why are you late from school?
Dad, we had extra classes today, the robot slapped Kyle on his face.
Dad shouted, "come on tell me the truth, why are you late?"
Dad, I went to see the movie Ten Commandments, Kyle got another slap from the robot.
Sorry dad, I went to see the movie "Red Hot Queen".
"Shame on you son, when I was your age, I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved", ....... immediately, he gets a hot slap on the face from the robot.
Kyle's mom comes walking out of the kitchen and says to her husband... "After all, he's your son!"
the robot steps up and slaps Kyle's mom
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
Great Suspence...
This is really a Great Suspense......
Read along carefully to know what it is......
....
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near
a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the
door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I
could stay the night?
the monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner,
even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep,
he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks
the monks what the sound was, but they say, We
can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and
goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same
man's car breaks down in front of the same monastery. The
monks again accept him, feed him, even fix his car.
That night, he hears the same strange noise that he
had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks
reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to
know. I f the only way I can find out what that sound
was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell
us how many blades of grass there are and the exact
number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers,
you will become a monk.
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years
later, he returns and knocks on the door of the
monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and
have found what you have asked for. There are
145,236,284,232 blades of grass and
231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a
monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the
head monk says, The sound is right behind that
door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is
locked. He says, Real funny. May I have the key?
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of
stone. The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to
find a door made of ruby. He demands another key
from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is
another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went
until the man had gone through doors of emerald,
silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the
last door.
The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door,
turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to
find the source of that strange sound.
... . . . But I can't tell you what it is because
You're not a monk.
Read along carefully to know what it is......
....
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near
a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the
door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I
could stay the night?
the monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner,
even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep,
he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks
the monks what the sound was, but they say, We
can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and
goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same
man's car breaks down in front of the same monastery. The
monks again accept him, feed him, even fix his car.
That night, he hears the same strange noise that he
had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks
reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to
know. I f the only way I can find out what that sound
was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell
us how many blades of grass there are and the exact
number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers,
you will become a monk.
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years
later, he returns and knocks on the door of the
monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and
have found what you have asked for. There are
145,236,284,232 blades of grass and
231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a
monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the
head monk says, The sound is right behind that
door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is
locked. He says, Real funny. May I have the key?
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of
stone. The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to
find a door made of ruby. He demands another key
from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is
another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went
until the man had gone through doors of emerald,
silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the
last door.
The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door,
turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to
find the source of that strange sound.
... . . . But I can't tell you what it is because
You're not a monk.
Marriage proposals from shaadi.com..... too funny!!!
These are actual ads taken from shaadi.com - guys searching for brides..
These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have
no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the
heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after
reading this.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hello To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female,
If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home. I am not a good
education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome
to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u
letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar ~*~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state
she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Homework?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she
may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the
entire life can run smoothly. thank you
(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
she should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have
one brother and one sister. she should be educated.
(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I
love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I
am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i love
myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold
my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now
i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr
as in KSBKBT......
(I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he's asking for too much.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house
but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast
(by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL
MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY
MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD
NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing{laughing})
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone
bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she
would be called the woman of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love
thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is
suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR
AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK
(the "ok syndrome" again)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother
sister complity marred
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married
'completely'?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent.
iam doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at
kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.
(actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailoring.??)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she
havea frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey.
IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are
beautiful.
but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that
Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR.
bye bye.
(uttama purushan)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.
(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i
divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good
minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste
accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..???)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service
(Zebra..???)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, girl simple who trust me lot
should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.
(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable
(this guy has fixed the marriage date too! Now thats proactive!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure.
because girl is the maharani.
(She's going to be one lucky girl!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not
paying salary at present.
(Any takers?)
:)
These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have
no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the
heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after
reading this.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hello To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female,
If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home. I am not a good
education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome
to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u
letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar ~*~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state
she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Homework?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she
may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the
entire life can run smoothly. thank you
(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
she should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have
one brother and one sister. she should be educated.
(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I
love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I
am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i love
myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold
my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now
i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr
as in KSBKBT......
(I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he's asking for too much.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house
but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast
(by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL
MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY
MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD
NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing{laughing})
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone
bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she
would be called the woman of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love
thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is
suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR
AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK
(the "ok syndrome" again)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother
sister complity marred
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married
'completely'?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent.
iam doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at
kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.
(actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailoring.??)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she
havea frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey.
IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are
beautiful.
but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that
Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR.
bye bye.
(uttama purushan)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.
(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i
divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good
minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste
accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..???)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service
(Zebra..???)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, girl simple who trust me lot
should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.
(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable
(this guy has fixed the marriage date too! Now thats proactive!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure.
because girl is the maharani.
(She's going to be one lucky girl!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not
paying salary at present.
(Any takers?)
:)
Monday, 10 November 2008
Men and women on earth die and go to heaven.
God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues
one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one
for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all
the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."
Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two
lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100
miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there
is only one man.
God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I
created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him!
Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this
line?"
The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues
one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one
for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all
the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."
Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two
lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100
miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there
is only one man.
God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I
created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him!
Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this
line?"
The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
Friday, 17 October 2008
Upcoming Horror movies in IT Sector......
--- Appraisal Ki Pyaas
--- Badla Developer Ka
--- Tester Bana Shaitaan
--- Manager ki Cheekh
--- Tadapti Delivery
--- Darinda PM
---Client Ka Qaher!!!!!!!!!!!
---Viraana Cubicle!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last but not the least .....................
.........................
.........................
.........................
.........................
.......................
..................................
Khooni Call
--- Badla Developer Ka
--- Tester Bana Shaitaan
--- Manager ki Cheekh
--- Tadapti Delivery
--- Darinda PM
---Client Ka Qaher!!!!!!!!!!!
---Viraana Cubicle!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last but not the least .....................
.........................
.........................
.........................
.........................
.......................
..................................
Khooni Call
Blonde Year in Review
Blonde Year in Review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said '2-4 years!'
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.
September - The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911.....'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
What a year!!
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said '2-4 years!'
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.
September - The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911.....'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
What a year!!
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use
Friday, 3 October 2008
Common statements made by people after getting drunk...
Common statements made by people after getting drunk...
1. Tu to Mera bhai hai...bhai!!!
2. Tume patah hai ki muzhe chadti nahi hai.....
3. Gaadi mein Chalaunga...(LOL MAA KASAM I GET VV SCARED WHEN GIRLS/GUYS DRINK AND DRIVE)
4. Tu bura mat maann bhai....
5. Mai teri Dil Se Izzat Karta hu...
6. Abe bol daal aaj usko, aar yaa paar....
7. Aaj saali Chad nahi rahi hai kya baat hai??
8. Tu Kya samajh raha hai mujhe chad gayi hai...
9. Ye mat samajh ki peeke bol raha hu...
10. Abe yaar kahin kam to nahi padegi itnee...
11. Ek Ek Chhota aur ho Jae...!!!
12. Abe…. Baap ko mat Sikhao…
13. Yaar magar tune mera dil tod diya...
14. Kuchh bhi hai par saala Bhai hai Apna...
15. Tu Bolna Bhai, kya chahiye...Jaan chahiye hazir hai ???
16. Abe mere ko aaj tak nahi Chadee...shart laga saala aaj tu..
17. Chal teri baat karata hoon usse, phone number de uska...
18. Saale teri bhabhie hai wo…bhabie ki nazar se dekh usko…
19. Yaar tu samjha kar.. wo tere layak nahi hai…
20. chal bhai tu kah raha hai to tere liye chodh diya usko.. aaj se wo teri…bana issi baat par ek – ek aur peg !!!
21. Tujhe kya lagta hai chadh gayi hai... abhi ek full aur khatam kar sakta hun…
And the best one...
22. Yaar aaj uski bahut yaad aa rahi hai
And Finally...
23. Aab bahut ho gaya ….Salla... aaj se daru band........ .......!!!
1. Tu to Mera bhai hai...bhai!!!
2. Tume patah hai ki muzhe chadti nahi hai.....
3. Gaadi mein Chalaunga...(LOL MAA KASAM I GET VV SCARED WHEN GIRLS/GUYS DRINK AND DRIVE)
4. Tu bura mat maann bhai....
5. Mai teri Dil Se Izzat Karta hu...
6. Abe bol daal aaj usko, aar yaa paar....
7. Aaj saali Chad nahi rahi hai kya baat hai??
8. Tu Kya samajh raha hai mujhe chad gayi hai...
9. Ye mat samajh ki peeke bol raha hu...
10. Abe yaar kahin kam to nahi padegi itnee...
11. Ek Ek Chhota aur ho Jae...!!!
12. Abe…. Baap ko mat Sikhao…
13. Yaar magar tune mera dil tod diya...
14. Kuchh bhi hai par saala Bhai hai Apna...
15. Tu Bolna Bhai, kya chahiye...Jaan chahiye hazir hai ???
16. Abe mere ko aaj tak nahi Chadee...shart laga saala aaj tu..
17. Chal teri baat karata hoon usse, phone number de uska...
18. Saale teri bhabhie hai wo…bhabie ki nazar se dekh usko…
19. Yaar tu samjha kar.. wo tere layak nahi hai…
20. chal bhai tu kah raha hai to tere liye chodh diya usko.. aaj se wo teri…bana issi baat par ek – ek aur peg !!!
21. Tujhe kya lagta hai chadh gayi hai... abhi ek full aur khatam kar sakta hun…
And the best one...
22. Yaar aaj uski bahut yaad aa rahi hai
And Finally...
23. Aab bahut ho gaya ….Salla... aaj se daru band........ .......!!!
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
Arrested for laughing..!!
This is from an actual trial in the UK.
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant..
She sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins’.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: ‘William’s Stick Did The Trick’.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.’
The case was dismissed………!!!
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant..
She sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins’.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: ‘William’s Stick Did The Trick’.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.’
The case was dismissed………!!!
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
MISS BLONDE, HMPH
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help
me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
started.'
Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'
The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,
'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'
He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then ...' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . ... .. .. .
(scroll down)
'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'
me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
started.'
Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'
The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,
'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'
He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then ...' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . ... .. .. .
(scroll down)
'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
Bank
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the temper, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
MORAL OF THE STORY: When opportunity knocks... don't loose it...
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the temper, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
MORAL OF THE STORY: When opportunity knocks... don't loose it...
Main kaidi no 786 from Veer Zaara…. ( Revised version in office)
Main kaidi no 786..
Cubicle ke dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
apni hi tarah
khaali baithe ek colleague ko dekhta hoon
kabhi mail karta
kabhi coffee peeta
kabhi Extn pe baat karta
Messenger pe chat karta rehta
woh kehte hain woh TL hai
woh kehte hain woh senior hai
fir kyon mere jaisa lagta hai
kyon din bhar FW: padhta hai
Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ki dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
cabin me baithe apne PM ko dekhta hoon
Main kaidi no 786..
kabhi phone pe
kabhi conference-call pe
gussa utarta jaane kis pe
who kehte hain project aane wala hai
training complete karo , kaam aane wala hai
fir kyon mujhe yeh jhootha sa lagta hai
fir kyon yeh sapna sa lagta hai
Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ke dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
Doosri companiyon ko join kar chuke
purane doston ko dekhta hoon
woh kehte hain bond ka kya hai, chale jao
woh kehte hain kahin aur kismat aazmao
fir kyon bond todne se dil darta hai
abhi ek saal aur intezaar
karne ko jee karta hai
Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ki dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon………….
Cubicle ke dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
apni hi tarah
khaali baithe ek colleague ko dekhta hoon
kabhi mail karta
kabhi coffee peeta
kabhi Extn pe baat karta
Messenger pe chat karta rehta
woh kehte hain woh TL hai
woh kehte hain woh senior hai
fir kyon mere jaisa lagta hai
kyon din bhar FW: padhta hai
Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ki dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
cabin me baithe apne PM ko dekhta hoon
Main kaidi no 786..
kabhi phone pe
kabhi conference-call pe
gussa utarta jaane kis pe
who kehte hain project aane wala hai
training complete karo , kaam aane wala hai
fir kyon mujhe yeh jhootha sa lagta hai
fir kyon yeh sapna sa lagta hai
Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ke dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
Doosri companiyon ko join kar chuke
purane doston ko dekhta hoon
woh kehte hain bond ka kya hai, chale jao
woh kehte hain kahin aur kismat aazmao
fir kyon bond todne se dil darta hai
abhi ek saal aur intezaar
karne ko jee karta hai
Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ki dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon………….
5 minute - Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and
runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800
to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after
a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband
asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time,
you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had
an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing
gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember
Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed
to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
manager are walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want
to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without
a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to
be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the
office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting,
doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must
be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of
that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't
got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed
with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and
found it actually gave him enough strength
to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was
proudly perched at the top of the tree..
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the
ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by
and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow
dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lays there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
Congratulations!!! THIS ENDS YOUR 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
And send this to five bright people
who have enough sense of humor
to take it!
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and
runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800
to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after
a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband
asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time,
you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had
an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing
gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember
Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed
to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
manager are walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want
to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without
a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to
be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the
office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting,
doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must
be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of
that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't
got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed
with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and
found it actually gave him enough strength
to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was
proudly perched at the top of the tree..
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the
ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by
and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow
dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lays there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
Congratulations!!! THIS ENDS YOUR 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
And send this to five bright people
who have enough sense of humor
to take it!
JAI MAHARASHTRA!!Good one!!!!
A Gujju, a Bhaiyya, a Bihari & Malayali died and were facing Yama.
Yama asked them if they wanted some facilities & told Chitragupt decided on their accommodation.
The Gujju said: "Hey Yambhai, aa marathi loko toh mane shaanti thi jeeva nathi deta. Maari dukaan fodi naakhi. Aa marathi loko ekdum junglee chhe. Mane maari baaju maa marathi maanas nathi joto."
The UP wala said : "Theek kaha gujjubhai ne. Shriman Yam, in marathi logo ne to hamara jeena hi mushkil kar diya hai....eemaan se!
Arre, meri dukaan ka board bhi kala kar diya. Kahat rahi ki dukaan ka naam marathi bhasha mein hona chaahiye. Ab ee bhi koi baat hui kya?
Mujhe bhi mere baaju mein marathi aadmi nahi chaahiye."
The Bihari said : "Yeh dono sajjan aadmi theek kahat hain. Arre main thode din pehle railway ki pariksa dene mumbai gaya tha.
Raam Lalla ki sougandh, in marathi logun ne humka bahut hi peeta. Hamaar haddi pasli ek kardi. Aisa junglee marathi humka hamaar saath naahi chaahiye."
The Malayali said : "aiiyoo humoko bhi marathi baaju main nahi mangta, bahto pareshaan karta hai yeh log. kuch kaam kerne ko nahi aata phir bhi hosiyari maarke k! aheta hai ki tumko hamare mumbai se nikal dega.
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Yama turns to Chitragupt: "Aayla Chitrya, ya saglyanchya files gheun ye re!!! Baghto ekekala"
Yama asked them if they wanted some facilities & told Chitragupt decided on their accommodation.
The Gujju said: "Hey Yambhai, aa marathi loko toh mane shaanti thi jeeva nathi deta. Maari dukaan fodi naakhi. Aa marathi loko ekdum junglee chhe. Mane maari baaju maa marathi maanas nathi joto."
The UP wala said : "Theek kaha gujjubhai ne. Shriman Yam, in marathi logo ne to hamara jeena hi mushkil kar diya hai....eemaan se!
Arre, meri dukaan ka board bhi kala kar diya. Kahat rahi ki dukaan ka naam marathi bhasha mein hona chaahiye. Ab ee bhi koi baat hui kya?
Mujhe bhi mere baaju mein marathi aadmi nahi chaahiye."
The Bihari said : "Yeh dono sajjan aadmi theek kahat hain. Arre main thode din pehle railway ki pariksa dene mumbai gaya tha.
Raam Lalla ki sougandh, in marathi logun ne humka bahut hi peeta. Hamaar haddi pasli ek kardi. Aisa junglee marathi humka hamaar saath naahi chaahiye."
The Malayali said : "aiiyoo humoko bhi marathi baaju main nahi mangta, bahto pareshaan karta hai yeh log. kuch kaam kerne ko nahi aata phir bhi hosiyari maarke k! aheta hai ki tumko hamare mumbai se nikal dega.
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Yama turns to Chitragupt: "Aayla Chitrya, ya saglyanchya files gheun ye re!!! Baghto ekekala"
Thursday, 11 September 2008
TYPICAL CONVERSATION b/w Lovers-------------- To gooooooooood
Note: The Conversation in the brackets {} contain the words which the guy is speaking to himself!!!
She gives a missed call to him … and He calls her back…
She: Hello!
He: {are yaar...Raat ke 10 bajte nahin ki iski 2-2 second waali missed calls shuru…pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi}
Hi ...kya baat hai..?
She: kuch nahi...bas aise hi phone kiya...
He: {Aise hee ??? Yeh kya Radio Station hai ki aise hee ...!! Aur Call kahan kiya ?... khali missed call to diya hai, roz ki tarah...}
oh...ok ..kya kar rahi thi ??
She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya...tum kya kar rahe the?
He: {mai to lunch karke utha hoon na}
Mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab...."Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon" sun raha hu FM par....
She: nice song… (And then she hums a line from the song "Hum Tum")
He: {Yaaaaaaaaarrrrr …kyun bola gaane ka naam .. Ab ye Madonna saare raag gaa degi yaheen}
Hey!!!! Tum itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha ..
She: *giggles*
He: {Ohhhho kya hansti hai .. aisa lag raha hai koi gaadi start kar raha hai}
Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!
She: Yehan sab so rahe hai... Agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge…
He: {Ekdum Correct...woh yehi samjhenge ki koi paagal, kisi baat par naraaz ho gayi hai ...}
Come on! Please!
She: Hattt ...I don't sing that well
He: {Yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai... paka kyun rahi hai}
It was really sweet. Please gaao na dear …
She: Mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan …
He: {mujhe tujhse jyada ajeeb lagta hai, dekh phir bhi shaheed hone ko tayaar baitha hoon}
Aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu...gaao na
He: {mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai....is liye bola}
Abhi tum gaaogi ya nahi ?
She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?
He: Acchha ! Ok Nahi karta
She: I don't have that great a voice ... ye to aise hee gaa diya tha ... warna mai nahin gaati
He: {Fir aise hee ??? bada ehsaan karti agar nahin gaati … kaan mai se khoon nikalne waala hai... saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye
teri awaaz sunke…}
hmmmm
She: Theek hai... jab itni zid kar rahe ho... sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek hai??
He: {Abbe teri !!! fas gayaaaaa ... shittttt … aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi…}
Great!!!!
She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?
He: {Tum kuch bhi gaao... meri to aaj by default neend haraam hai…}
Hmmmm… 'Mahiya' from Awarapan?
She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai
He: {Thank God ... Text book chhodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol ...}
Dhoom Machale?
She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi
He: {Aye tere nakhre ... mai to jaise mara jaa raha hoon teri awaaz sun ne ke liye Shakira … koi bhi gaana gaa....mere kaan to pakne waale hai}
Cool
(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)
She: Nahi jaan… I am feeling very shy!
He: {Tu shuru kyun hoti hai … ek bar shuru hokar khatam kyun nahin karti jaldi jaldi... ab kya Eden Gardens book karun, tab gayegi}
Gaao na...pls gaao na....teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana chahta hoon
She: dekho...ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho …
He: {Achchha ab tujhe manaane mai poore sheher ko phool leke bhejun kya}
No no... Tum shy feel kar rahi ho na... is liye... Trying to make u comfortable …
She: Hmmm…
He: {Ye makkhi ki tarah kya shuru ho gayi}
Please gaao na darling...
She: Main kal gaaun?
He: {Haaaaaannnn...jaaan bachi... nikal leta hoon...abhi mauka hai}
Theek hai jaisi tumhaari merzi
She: Hmmm
He: Good night
She: Good night
She: Sweet Dreams… Take care...
He: Sweets dreams to u too... {kaahe ke sweet dreams .. sone degi tab na ayenge dreams …abhi 2 minute mein fir call karegi}
After a while She calls Him (sorry...that never happens, she gives only a missed call)
She: Hey… so gaye the kya?
He: {Nahiii...current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha...}
Nahi jaan
She: kya kar rahe ho?
He: {Raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai...}
Match dekh raha tha
She: Theek hai tum match dekho
He: {phone rakhegi to dekhunga na... ya tu running commentary sunayegi}
Hey it's ok... purana match hai
She: Did u feel bad I didn't sing?
(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)
He: {Bad eh? Crazy girl... this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn't sing}
Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable first.... tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi.....
So, me waiting… {maine to socha tha ki aaj bach gaya... dhatttt tereki L}
She sings 1 stanza from the song
'Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami.....'
He: Wow. Too good!
She: jhoot....mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai
He: {Saamne aa jaa, fir bataata hoon... pagal kar diya... chalo shukr hai self realization hai ... J}
Nahi darling you really sing well
She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho
He: {Very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya.....kyun bhagwaan kyun !! mere saath ye julm kyun}
Cheee! Cheee! teri voice agar itni buri hoti to main kya ab tak na sun raha hota
She: Hmmmm...theek hai.. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao…
He: {Achcha mil gayi permission ... waise tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kahan aayegi ab ...}
Good night!
She: Take care
He: You too
She: Hey....
He: {Arrre yaar.. aaj ye nahi chhodegi} kya hai sweety?
She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi...
He: {Tu apni voice record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar !! dimaag ka dahi kar rakha hai .. lassi banaake peeja mere dimaag ki}
sachchi... Of course.
She: sirf jhoot
He: {Iski toh... !! jab pata hai to mujhse kya singing sensation ka award legi !! phata dhol…}
Not at all. You sing very well…
She: Hmmm.... tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.
He: Good Night!!
She gives a missed call to him … and He calls her back…
She: Hello!
He: {are yaar...Raat ke 10 bajte nahin ki iski 2-2 second waali missed calls shuru…pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi}
Hi ...kya baat hai..?
She: kuch nahi...bas aise hi phone kiya...
He: {Aise hee ??? Yeh kya Radio Station hai ki aise hee ...!! Aur Call kahan kiya ?... khali missed call to diya hai, roz ki tarah...}
oh...ok ..kya kar rahi thi ??
She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya...tum kya kar rahe the?
He: {mai to lunch karke utha hoon na}
Mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab...."Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon" sun raha hu FM par....
She: nice song… (And then she hums a line from the song "Hum Tum")
He: {Yaaaaaaaaarrrrr …kyun bola gaane ka naam .. Ab ye Madonna saare raag gaa degi yaheen}
Hey!!!! Tum itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha ..
She: *giggles*
He: {Ohhhho kya hansti hai .. aisa lag raha hai koi gaadi start kar raha hai}
Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!
She: Yehan sab so rahe hai... Agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge…
He: {Ekdum Correct...woh yehi samjhenge ki koi paagal, kisi baat par naraaz ho gayi hai ...}
Come on! Please!
She: Hattt ...I don't sing that well
He: {Yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai... paka kyun rahi hai}
It was really sweet. Please gaao na dear …
She: Mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan …
He: {mujhe tujhse jyada ajeeb lagta hai, dekh phir bhi shaheed hone ko tayaar baitha hoon}
Aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu...gaao na
He: {mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai....is liye bola}
Abhi tum gaaogi ya nahi ?
She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?
He: Acchha ! Ok Nahi karta
She: I don't have that great a voice ... ye to aise hee gaa diya tha ... warna mai nahin gaati
He: {Fir aise hee ??? bada ehsaan karti agar nahin gaati … kaan mai se khoon nikalne waala hai... saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye
teri awaaz sunke…}
hmmmm
She: Theek hai... jab itni zid kar rahe ho... sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek hai??
He: {Abbe teri !!! fas gayaaaaa ... shittttt … aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi…}
Great!!!!
She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?
He: {Tum kuch bhi gaao... meri to aaj by default neend haraam hai…}
Hmmmm… 'Mahiya' from Awarapan?
She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai
He: {Thank God ... Text book chhodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol ...}
Dhoom Machale?
She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi
He: {Aye tere nakhre ... mai to jaise mara jaa raha hoon teri awaaz sun ne ke liye Shakira … koi bhi gaana gaa....mere kaan to pakne waale hai}
Cool
(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)
She: Nahi jaan… I am feeling very shy!
He: {Tu shuru kyun hoti hai … ek bar shuru hokar khatam kyun nahin karti jaldi jaldi... ab kya Eden Gardens book karun, tab gayegi}
Gaao na...pls gaao na....teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana chahta hoon
She: dekho...ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho …
He: {Achchha ab tujhe manaane mai poore sheher ko phool leke bhejun kya}
No no... Tum shy feel kar rahi ho na... is liye... Trying to make u comfortable …
She: Hmmm…
He: {Ye makkhi ki tarah kya shuru ho gayi}
Please gaao na darling...
She: Main kal gaaun?
He: {Haaaaaannnn...jaaan bachi... nikal leta hoon...abhi mauka hai}
Theek hai jaisi tumhaari merzi
She: Hmmm
He: Good night
She: Good night
She: Sweet Dreams… Take care...
He: Sweets dreams to u too... {kaahe ke sweet dreams .. sone degi tab na ayenge dreams …abhi 2 minute mein fir call karegi}
After a while She calls Him (sorry...that never happens, she gives only a missed call)
She: Hey… so gaye the kya?
He: {Nahiii...current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha...}
Nahi jaan
She: kya kar rahe ho?
He: {Raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai...}
Match dekh raha tha
She: Theek hai tum match dekho
He: {phone rakhegi to dekhunga na... ya tu running commentary sunayegi}
Hey it's ok... purana match hai
She: Did u feel bad I didn't sing?
(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)
He: {Bad eh? Crazy girl... this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn't sing}
Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable first.... tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi.....
So, me waiting… {maine to socha tha ki aaj bach gaya... dhatttt tereki L}
She sings 1 stanza from the song
'Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami.....'
He: Wow. Too good!
She: jhoot....mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai
He: {Saamne aa jaa, fir bataata hoon... pagal kar diya... chalo shukr hai self realization hai ... J}
Nahi darling you really sing well
She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho
He: {Very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya.....kyun bhagwaan kyun !! mere saath ye julm kyun}
Cheee! Cheee! teri voice agar itni buri hoti to main kya ab tak na sun raha hota
She: Hmmmm...theek hai.. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao…
He: {Achcha mil gayi permission ... waise tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kahan aayegi ab ...}
Good night!
She: Take care
He: You too
She: Hey....
He: {Arrre yaar.. aaj ye nahi chhodegi} kya hai sweety?
She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi...
He: {Tu apni voice record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar !! dimaag ka dahi kar rakha hai .. lassi banaake peeja mere dimaag ki}
sachchi... Of course.
She: sirf jhoot
He: {Iski toh... !! jab pata hai to mujhse kya singing sensation ka award legi !! phata dhol…}
Not at all. You sing very well…
She: Hmmm.... tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.
He: Good Night!!
Khandala song in various languages……
===================
Aati kya khandala
===================
Hindi:
A Kya Bolti Tu?
A Kya Mai Bolu?
Sun
Suna
Ati Kya Khandala
Kya karu Ake mai Khandala
Are Ghumenge, nachenge, gayenge Aish karenge or kya ?
English :
Aye what do you say?
Aye what should I say?
Listen.
Speak on.
Coming to khandala?
What should I do, coming to khandala?
We'll roam, we'll loaf, we'll sing, we'll dance we"ll
freak, baby,what else?
Sanskrit : This is too good
Aye balike, twam katham kathisyasi?
Aye balakah aham kim kathisyamh?
Shrinvasi!
Shrunha
Kim twam khandaalaa agchasyasi
Aham kim kurwasyami khandaalayeh
gamisyami, bhramisyami, nryuthyami, gaayami, maja
karishma, kim karishyami?
Punjabi :
A ! ke boldi tu;?
A ke mein bolan?;
Sunh
Sunha
Chaldi khandala
Ki karaan ae ke mein khandala
Are Ghoomenge, Turainge, Naachenge, Gaavenge, Mauj
Karenge, Aur Ki ?
Gujarati :
Aye shun bole tu?
Aye hun shun bolu?
Sambhal
Sambhlaav
Aave chey su khandaalaa?
Shun karu aaviine khandaalaa?
Ghumshun, pharshun, naachshun, gaashun, majaa karshun,
beeju shun?
Marathi
Aye kaai tu mhantes?
Aye kaai mi mhanhu?
Aik
Aikav
Yetes kai khandaalaa?
Kai karu yevon mi khandaalaa?
Are ghumuyaa, phiruyaa, gavuyaa, nachuyaa, aish
karuyaa, aankhin kai?
Kashmiri :
Heey, kya chaakh wannan?
Heev, kya bhe wanneyyyy?
Booz
Wanoo
Pakha telle khandalaa;
Kya karee weeteth bhe khandalaa
Pherevhey, nachevhey, geevevhey, khevevhey, eesh
karav, beyy kya?
Konkani :Aye ! kitte sangta tu?
Aye ! aao kite sangu?
Saang
Saangta
Khandalaa yeta ghi?
Khandalaa yevun kithe kharche?
Bhovya, Phireya, Naachya, Gauya, maja korya, anikithe?
Bengali :
Ei ki bolis tui?
Ei ki ar boli?
Shon
Shonaa !
Jabi ki khondalaa
K! i kori giye khondalaa
Are, ghurbo, phirbo, nachbo, gaibo, maja korbo ar ki?
Malayalam :
Aye yendhu parayunnu?
Aye nyan yedhu parayaan?
Keku
Parayu
Varinno khandala?
Yendu cheyyan .. Nyaan vannittu Khandaala?
Karangam, chuttam, paadam, aadam, maja cheyyam,verendha?
Telugu :
Aye, ainte chaepphuta vu?
Aye,ainte chaepala?
Vinu
Chaeppu
Wastava Khandala
Yem Chesedhi? vacchi Khandala
Thiruguthamu, eguruthamu, aadthaamu, paadthaamu,maja
chesthamu inkemi?
Sindhi :
Aye cha thi c! haen tu?
Aye Maan chaa chavan?
Budh
Budhai
Acheti cha khandaalaa?
Cha kandis achi maan khandaalaa?
Are Ghumandasi, phirandasi, gayendasi,
Nachandasi,aaish kan! dasi, byo cha?
Magahi : (BIHARI)
A ki bolahin tu?
A kya boliyuow hum?
Sun
Sunaow
Aaimahi ki khandala
Ki kariaow aake hum khandala
Gumbai, Phir! bai, naachai, gaayii, aish karbai aur ki
Assamese:
ey ki kua tumi?
ey ki kom moi?
sun
suna
ahibi ki khandala?
ki korim aahi moi kahandalaa
are ghurim,phirim,nasim,gaam,khub phurti korim aru ki?
Tamil:
Enna solre?
Ennatha solla?
mudalla kelu,
sari sollu
Kandala variya
kandala poi enna panrathu
Vera enna .oor suthuvom aaduvom paaduvom jalsa
pannuvom
Foreign Languages :
German :
Was sagst du?
Was soll ich sagen?
Hor mal!
Sag mal!
Kommst Nach Khandala?
Was machen wir in Khaldala?
Wir gehen, spazieren, tanzen, singen, haben spaCx,
was noch?
Spanish :
Tu que deceas?
Yo que deseo?
Oye
Di me
Vas a tu khandaalaa?
Que haceo, yo voy en el khandaalaa?
Viajamos, vagabundeamos, bailamos, cantamos,
disfrutamos, si no.
Chinese :
Ain, Chon Zuan Ho?
Ain, Chon Hee Zuano?
Sui,!
Suion,
Hyuan Chon Khandala?
Chon Tsuani Hyui Hee Khandala?
Chijuan, Kajuan, Marijuan, Siuan, Samshuan
Tsuaniya Tsu Chon?
Russian :
Aeich, Kov Speache niv?
Aeich, Kov miv Speache?
Nuushev,!
Nuusheva,
Comeva Kov Khandala?
Kov Sheychev Comov miv Khandala?
Rotiv, Rotrach, Balleva, Opereacha, Enjova
Sheychevin, Kov
Gobraich?
French :!
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu dis?
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu me vouler dire?
Entendre
Entendrez
Est-ceque tu viens a la Khandala
Qu'est-ceque je fais a aller a la Khandala ?
Promenez,! Allez, Dansez, Chantez a quelle?
Zambesi : (African)
Aye, Zwa To Zulu?
Aye, Zwa Ze Zulu,?
Wahte,
Kaso,
Heliyo To Khandaalaa?
Zwa Kumi, Helithe Khandaalaa?!
Himala, Romala, Wahwahla, Infala, Kumaya Kumana, Ni
Aati kya khandala
===================
Hindi:
A Kya Bolti Tu?
A Kya Mai Bolu?
Sun
Suna
Ati Kya Khandala
Kya karu Ake mai Khandala
Are Ghumenge, nachenge, gayenge Aish karenge or kya ?
English :
Aye what do you say?
Aye what should I say?
Listen.
Speak on.
Coming to khandala?
What should I do, coming to khandala?
We'll roam, we'll loaf, we'll sing, we'll dance we"ll
freak, baby,what else?
Sanskrit : This is too good
Aye balike, twam katham kathisyasi?
Aye balakah aham kim kathisyamh?
Shrinvasi!
Shrunha
Kim twam khandaalaa agchasyasi
Aham kim kurwasyami khandaalayeh
gamisyami, bhramisyami, nryuthyami, gaayami, maja
karishma, kim karishyami?
Punjabi :
A ! ke boldi tu;?
A ke mein bolan?;
Sunh
Sunha
Chaldi khandala
Ki karaan ae ke mein khandala
Are Ghoomenge, Turainge, Naachenge, Gaavenge, Mauj
Karenge, Aur Ki ?
Gujarati :
Aye shun bole tu?
Aye hun shun bolu?
Sambhal
Sambhlaav
Aave chey su khandaalaa?
Shun karu aaviine khandaalaa?
Ghumshun, pharshun, naachshun, gaashun, majaa karshun,
beeju shun?
Marathi
Aye kaai tu mhantes?
Aye kaai mi mhanhu?
Aik
Aikav
Yetes kai khandaalaa?
Kai karu yevon mi khandaalaa?
Are ghumuyaa, phiruyaa, gavuyaa, nachuyaa, aish
karuyaa, aankhin kai?
Kashmiri :
Heey, kya chaakh wannan?
Heev, kya bhe wanneyyyy?
Booz
Wanoo
Pakha telle khandalaa;
Kya karee weeteth bhe khandalaa
Pherevhey, nachevhey, geevevhey, khevevhey, eesh
karav, beyy kya?
Konkani :Aye ! kitte sangta tu?
Aye ! aao kite sangu?
Saang
Saangta
Khandalaa yeta ghi?
Khandalaa yevun kithe kharche?
Bhovya, Phireya, Naachya, Gauya, maja korya, anikithe?
Bengali :
Ei ki bolis tui?
Ei ki ar boli?
Shon
Shonaa !
Jabi ki khondalaa
K! i kori giye khondalaa
Are, ghurbo, phirbo, nachbo, gaibo, maja korbo ar ki?
Malayalam :
Aye yendhu parayunnu?
Aye nyan yedhu parayaan?
Keku
Parayu
Varinno khandala?
Yendu cheyyan .. Nyaan vannittu Khandaala?
Karangam, chuttam, paadam, aadam, maja cheyyam,verendha?
Telugu :
Aye, ainte chaepphuta vu?
Aye,ainte chaepala?
Vinu
Chaeppu
Wastava Khandala
Yem Chesedhi? vacchi Khandala
Thiruguthamu, eguruthamu, aadthaamu, paadthaamu,maja
chesthamu inkemi?
Sindhi :
Aye cha thi c! haen tu?
Aye Maan chaa chavan?
Budh
Budhai
Acheti cha khandaalaa?
Cha kandis achi maan khandaalaa?
Are Ghumandasi, phirandasi, gayendasi,
Nachandasi,aaish kan! dasi, byo cha?
Magahi : (BIHARI)
A ki bolahin tu?
A kya boliyuow hum?
Sun
Sunaow
Aaimahi ki khandala
Ki kariaow aake hum khandala
Gumbai, Phir! bai, naachai, gaayii, aish karbai aur ki
Assamese:
ey ki kua tumi?
ey ki kom moi?
sun
suna
ahibi ki khandala?
ki korim aahi moi kahandalaa
are ghurim,phirim,nasim,gaam,khub phurti korim aru ki?
Tamil:
Enna solre?
Ennatha solla?
mudalla kelu,
sari sollu
Kandala variya
kandala poi enna panrathu
Vera enna .oor suthuvom aaduvom paaduvom jalsa
pannuvom
Foreign Languages :
German :
Was sagst du?
Was soll ich sagen?
Hor mal!
Sag mal!
Kommst Nach Khandala?
Was machen wir in Khaldala?
Wir gehen, spazieren, tanzen, singen, haben spaCx,
was noch?
Spanish :
Tu que deceas?
Yo que deseo?
Oye
Di me
Vas a tu khandaalaa?
Que haceo, yo voy en el khandaalaa?
Viajamos, vagabundeamos, bailamos, cantamos,
disfrutamos, si no.
Chinese :
Ain, Chon Zuan Ho?
Ain, Chon Hee Zuano?
Sui,!
Suion,
Hyuan Chon Khandala?
Chon Tsuani Hyui Hee Khandala?
Chijuan, Kajuan, Marijuan, Siuan, Samshuan
Tsuaniya Tsu Chon?
Russian :
Aeich, Kov Speache niv?
Aeich, Kov miv Speache?
Nuushev,!
Nuusheva,
Comeva Kov Khandala?
Kov Sheychev Comov miv Khandala?
Rotiv, Rotrach, Balleva, Opereacha, Enjova
Sheychevin, Kov
Gobraich?
French :!
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu dis?
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu me vouler dire?
Entendre
Entendrez
Est-ceque tu viens a la Khandala
Qu'est-ceque je fais a aller a la Khandala ?
Promenez,! Allez, Dansez, Chantez a quelle?
Zambesi : (African)
Aye, Zwa To Zulu?
Aye, Zwa Ze Zulu,?
Wahte,
Kaso,
Heliyo To Khandaalaa?
Zwa Kumi, Helithe Khandaalaa?!
Himala, Romala, Wahwahla, Infala, Kumaya Kumana, Ni
INTERVIEW
OFFICER—————-WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER—————-TELL ME PROPERLY
CANDIDATE————MOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER————– YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?
CANDIDATE——— M P. SIR
OFFICER————- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE————MANMOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER————- YOUR NATIVE PLACE
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER———— IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?
CANDIDATE————NO, MANI PAL SIR
OFFICER———— WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION ?
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER———— (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?
CANDIDATE————METRIC PASS
OFFICER————- WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?
CANDIDATE———M P. SIR
OFFICER———— AND WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE———MONEY PROBLEM SIR
OFFICER———— DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER———— EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY
CANDIDATE———-MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR
OFFICER————-THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW
CANDIDATE———-M P. SIR
OFFICER—————WHAT is it NOW
CANDIDATE————My Performance…. ?
OFFICER—————-M P!!!!
CANDIDATE————WHAT IS THAT SIR
OFFICER————–MENTAL PROBLEM
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER—————-TELL ME PROPERLY
CANDIDATE————MOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER————– YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?
CANDIDATE——— M P. SIR
OFFICER————- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE————MANMOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER————- YOUR NATIVE PLACE
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER———— IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?
CANDIDATE————NO, MANI PAL SIR
OFFICER———— WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION ?
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER———— (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?
CANDIDATE————METRIC PASS
OFFICER————- WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?
CANDIDATE———M P. SIR
OFFICER———— AND WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE———MONEY PROBLEM SIR
OFFICER———— DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER———— EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY
CANDIDATE———-MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR
OFFICER————-THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW
CANDIDATE———-M P. SIR
OFFICER—————WHAT is it NOW
CANDIDATE————My Performance…. ?
OFFICER—————-M P!!!!
CANDIDATE————WHAT IS THAT SIR
OFFICER————–MENTAL PROBLEM
Wednesday, 10 September 2008
ATM
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Thursday, 4 September 2008
Passing an exam
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
******
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
******
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