Upcoming Horror movies in IT Sector......

--- Appraisal Ki Pyaas

--- Badla Developer Ka

--- Tester Bana Shaitaan

--- Manager ki Cheekh

--- Tadapti Delivery

--- Darinda PM

---Client Ka Qaher!!!!!!!!!!!

---Viraana Cubicle!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last but not the least .....................
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Khooni Call

Main kaidi no 786 from Veer Zaara…. ( Revised version in office)

Main kaidi no 786..
Cubicle ke dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
apni hi tarah
khaali baithe ek colleague ko dekhta hoon
kabhi mail karta
kabhi coffee peeta
kabhi Extn pe baat karta
Messenger pe chat karta rehta
woh kehte hain woh TL hai
woh kehte hain woh senior hai
fir kyon mere jaisa lagta hai
kyon din bhar FW: padhta hai

Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ki dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
cabin me baithe apne PM ko dekhta hoon
Main kaidi no 786..
kabhi phone pe
kabhi conference-call pe
gussa utarta jaane kis pe
who kehte hain project aane wala hai
training complete karo , kaam aane wala hai
fir kyon mujhe yeh jhootha sa lagta hai
fir kyon yeh sapna sa lagta hai

Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ke dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
Doosri companiyon ko join kar chuke
purane doston ko dekhta hoon
woh kehte hain bond ka kya hai, chale jao
woh kehte hain kahin aur kismat aazmao
fir kyon bond todne se dil darta hai
abhi ek saal aur intezaar
karne ko jee karta hai

Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ki dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon………….

S/W people Must Read

>

APPRAISAL LETTER

Read this mail completely

Dear Manager (HR),

Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.

Signed - Project Leader



NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the
report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7,
9,11, 13)
for my true assessment of him.

WEDDING SQL

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
@ BrideGroom Char(NotBad) ,
@ Bride Char(Good)

AS
BEGIN

SELECT Bride FROM Brides
WHERE
FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND
CarCount > 2 AND
HouseStatus ='TwoStoreyed' AND
BrideEduStatus= 'PG orAbove'
HavingBrothers= 'NO' AND
HavingSisters ='No' AND
AllowRelocate ='YES' ;

SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalan ce FROM FatherInLaw ;

UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherinLawBal ;
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherinLawGold ;

INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW') ;

END ;
GO ;

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Then the wife writes the below query:

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FORMAT HUSBAND ;

Papa kehte hain for Software Folks...(old one..but very nice)

Sing along.. really nice J


Doston...!

Aaj Delivery ka Aakhri Din hain,

Aur sabhi ne kuch na kuch file check-in kiya hain

Par mainekoi file check-in nahin kiya hain

No really I mean it

Aaaj, Aaj mujhe bar bar ek hi khayal aa raha hain

The song begins here .........



PM ( Project Manager ) kehte hain bada kam karega,

TM ( team member ) hamara bada code likhega,

magar yeh to koi na jaane ,

ke iska template hain

kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn


PM kehte hain bada kam karega, aaaaa aaaaaa

[jazzy music in the manner of TDD being typed]


Baithe hain milke,

Sab reviewer apne,

sabke dilon mein armaan yeh hain [eh he eh]

woh Review mein kal kya bharega,

har ek defect ka Owner kaun hain.....

koi reviewer ka kaam karega,

Defect resolution main koi apna naam bharega,

magar yeh to koi na jaane,

ke is defect ka owner hain

kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn


PM kehte hain bada kam karega, aaaaa aaaaaa

[jazzy music in the manner of Review defects being closed]


Mera to sapna,

Hain Onsite Jana

Jau jo wahan,

Jhume Bahar

tension badhati,

UAT ka mausam,

client ki masti,

OC ka haal....

bandha onsite main 0 defect try karega....

good show mail mein apna naam payega

mujhe bus itna kaho yaaron...

ki mujhe onsite jana hain

kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn

PM kehte hain bada kam karega,

TM hamara bada code likhega,

magar yeh to koi na jaane,

ke mera appraisal hain

kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn

Interesting

Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees".

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.


Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"


The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: " Which of you idiots ate the developer?"




One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL ! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please don't eat a person who is working ."

******

A funny conversation between Software engineer and his wife

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.


Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

movies by Mechanical Engineers

What if Mechanical Engineers Start producing Movies?
Just go through a few names...................


1. Munna Bhai Welder
2. Hamara Tool Aapke Pass Hai
3. Oil Mil Gaya
4.Center Se Center Tak
5.Lathe Wale Material Le Jayenge
6.Hum Feed De Chuke Sanam
7.Machine Hamara Power Tumhari
8.Kya Yehi Shaft Hai.
9.English Piston, Desi Crank
10. Kabhi NC, Kabhi CNC
11. Chuck Chuck hota hai.
12. Kahin induction hardening na ho jaaye!!
13. Drill ko Reamer se Pyaar ho Gaya.
14. Gear Train ke us Paar.
15. Maine Shaft Design Kiya.
17. Kyaa yahi shear stress hai?
18. Child se assembly tak

munna the programmer

Apun Jaisey Tapore Ko Kiya Maloom
Saala Programing Kis Cheryaan Ka Naam Hai?
Copy Paste kar Key Apna Time Pass Hota Hai
Copy Paste Ka Kaam Milta Hai
Bas Apun Khush
Yeh Coding Ka Lafda Locha Kayko?
Arey Kayko?
Arey Kayko Rey?
Fir Ek Din Boley Tu Apun Ko Ek Project Mila
Yahoooooooooooo
Saala Apun Ka Khoopre Chakar Kah Gaya
Computer Key Sath DIL Saala Takar Kah Gaya
Apun Ko Laga Apun Ka Bera Paar Ho Gaya
Boley To Baap Saala Apun Ko Bhi Kaam Mil Gaya
Din Bhar Apun Computer Key Aagey
Koi Lafra Nahi Kuch Nahi
Teen Din Na Motey Sey Raada Na Patley Sey Pangaa
Bas Chup Chaap
Apun Ka Bero Loog Saala Dar Gaya
Bola Kiya Bey Munna Saala Tu Bhi Programmer Ban Gaya
Fir Ek Din Apun Ko Kaam Karta Dekh Lamba Bola
Yeh Munna! Kiya Coding Bana Reyla Hai Baap
Apun Ka Khoopre Satka
Lamboo Ko Pakra
Bola Idhar Aa Sahney Terey Ko Coding Seekahta Hoon
Saaley Ko Itna Sekahya Itna Sekahya
Abhi Tak Saala Forms Main Kacha Hai
Aur Aaj Tak Us Ka Forms Key Sath Chattis Ka Aakraa Hai
Samjha ?
Samjha Kiya ?
(Phir? Phir Kiya Howa?)
Fir Ek Din Apun Ney Coding Poora Kar Diya
Form Poora Kar Key Apun Ney Testing Ko Bhej Diya
Lagta Tha Ab Apun Ka Kaam Kahtam Ho Gaya
Par DTS Main Issues Dekh Key Saala Apun Dar Gaya
Apun Key Samney Tester Ney Mere Coding Main Kaye Galtiyan Nikale
Apun Ke Coding Ke Poore Wat Laga Daale
Apun Udarhich Kahra Tha
Par Apun Kuch Nahi Bola
Kayko Boleyga?
Kayko?
Saala Ek, Ek Kaam Kiya Tha
Us Main Bhi Itney Bugs
Par Apun Ek Aansoo Bhi Nahi Rooya
Kayko Royega?
Kayko?
Saala Apun Hij Yeeda Tha Na
Agley Din Sey Phir Wahi Life Chalo
Wahi Copy Paste Karna
Wahi Messages
Saala Itna Mails Forward Kiya
Itna Mails Forward Kiya
Loog Samjhey Mail Server Down Ho Gaya
Bhoolney Ka Hai Bhoolney Ka Hai
Par Kiya Karey Ga
Training Ley Key Bhi Jab Kaam Nahi Milta Hai
Haan Thora Bore Howa Par Chalta Hai
(Phir ? Phir Kiya Howa?)
Fir
Fir Kiya
Agley Din Apun Ko Ek Aur Project Mila
Saala Apun Ka Khoopre Phir Chakkar Kah Gaya
Computer Key Sath DIL Saala Phir Takkar Kah Gaya
Shaapak
Ho Ho Ho Hooooooooo
Ho Ho Ho Hooooooooo

A S/W Engineer's life...6 ft x 6 ft version--looks absolutley true.....:-)

Newton

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek

Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den...........He is supposed to count upto 100...and then start searching.....

Everyone starts hiding except Newton.........
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.

Einstein's counting 1,2,3......97,98,99.....100........ He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front........

Einstein says "newton's out..newton's out....."

Newton denies and says "I am not out........I am not Newton......"

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.

Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared..... That makes me Newton per meter squared...... since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT.......! ,_

Java Classes in the tune of "Who Lamhe"

Java Classes in the tune of "Who Lamhe"




Woh classes
Woh objects
Koi na jaane
The kaise applets
Oh oh oh
Interface
Woh abstract classes
Woh abstract classes..... .
Woh classes..... .....

Na main jaanu
Na TU jaane
Oh....
Kaise the instances
Koi na jaane
Kahaan se yeh swing aayeee
AWT bhi sang laayi



Khaffa ho gaye hum
Barbaad ho gaye hum.......

Woh classes.....


Data ke abstaraction se ..
Server hil gaya,
Multithreading ke application se..
Exception AA gaya.....

Kahaan se J2EE aayee
JSP bhi sang laayee
Khaffa ho gaye hum
Barbaad ho gaye hum........

Woh classes..... ......... .