Thursday, 20 November 2008

BEST INTERVIEW

JUST GO THROUGH IT , YOU WILL ENJOY




One of the best interviews!! !




Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.




Candidate: I am SAMEER GUPTA. I did my Tele Communication engineering from
BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.




Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard
Of this college before!




Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission
Into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! In 12th.I
Was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to
Call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said
- "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this
College. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
Related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.







Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your
Engineering.




Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you
Know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis
Tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and
3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.




Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.




Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try
To keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches
Really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.




Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.




Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!




Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?




Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I
Would complete it. In fact, when I flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job
For me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.




Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?




Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education
Itself was so much of pain!!




Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have
You worked?




Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current
Platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can
See I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the
Places in Mumbai)




Interviewer: And which languages have you used?




Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in
German, French, Russian and many other languages.




Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?




Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher
Version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new
Language VD!




Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?




Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
Language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.




Interviewer: What is your general project experience?




Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times
They are in pipeline!




Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?




Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech Ltd. Since
Joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that
Bench was another software like Windows.




Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?




Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and
Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call
And use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',
'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!




Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?







Candidate: Not much.



1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.



2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have
Deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.



3. I believe in flexi-timings.



4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I
Would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.



5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to
Avoid breakdown due to overwork.



6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term
preferably 2-4 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and
Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in
2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and
don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?







Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to
INFOSYS .. :-))




No intention to offend anybody..

Friday, 14 November 2008

Stop Lying Else!!!!!!!!!!

Kyle's Dad brought home a robot one day.
The robot had the ability to detect lies and would slap the person who lied. Kyle returned late from school
Dad asked, Son why are you late from school?
Dad, we had extra classes today, the robot slapped Kyle on his face.
Dad shouted, "come on tell me the truth, why are you late?"
Dad, I went to see the movie Ten Commandments, Kyle got another slap from the robot.
Sorry dad, I went to see the movie "Red Hot Queen".
"Shame on you son, when I was your age, I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved", ....... immediately, he gets a hot slap on the face from the robot.
Kyle's mom comes walking out of the kitchen and says to her husband... "After all, he's your son!"
the robot steps up and slaps Kyle's mom

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Great Suspence...

This is really a Great Suspense......



Read along carefully to know what it is......

....





A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near

a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the

door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I





could stay the night?











the monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner,





even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep,





he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks





the monks what the sound was, but they say, We





can't tell you. You're not a monk.

















The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and





goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same





man's car breaks down in front of the same monastery. The





monks again accept him, feed him, even fix his car.





That night, he hears the same strange noise that he





had heard years earlier.

















The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks





reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.







The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to





know. I f the only way I can find out what that sound





was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?











The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell





us how many blades of grass there are and the exact





number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers,





you will become a monk.

















The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years





later, he returns and knocks on the door of the





monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and





have found what you have asked for. There are





145,236,284,232 blades of grass and





231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.













The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a





monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.

















The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the





head monk says, The sound is right behind that





door.

















The man reaches for the knob, but the door is





locked. He says, Real funny. May I have the key?

















The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.





Behind the wooden door is another door made of





stone. The man demands the key to the stone door.





The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to





find a door made of ruby. He demands another key





from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is





another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went





until the man had gone through doors of emerald,





silver, topaz, and amethyst.

















Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the





last door.

















The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door,





turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to





find the source of that strange sound.
















... . . . But I can't tell you what it is because













You're not a monk.

Maths...chill!!!

A little boy was doing his Maths Homework.



He said to himself,



"Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven.

Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine..."



His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"



The little boy answered, "I'm doing my Maths Homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.



"Yes," he answered.



Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you

teaching my son in Maths?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the

son of a bitch is four?"



After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them

was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

Marriage proposals from shaadi.com..... too funny!!!

These are actual ads taken from shaadi.com - guys searching for brides..

These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have
no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the
heart!

Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after
reading this.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

- Hello To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female,
If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home. I am not a good
education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome
to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u
letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar ~*~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state
she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

(Homework?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she
may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the
entire life can run smoothly. thank you

(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

she should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have
one brother and one sister. she should be educated.

(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I
love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I
am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i love
myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold
my hand forever !!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now
i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot

(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr
as in KSBKBT......

(I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he's asking for too much.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house
but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast

(by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL
MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY
MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD
NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(all of us are loughing{laughing})

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone
bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she
would be called the woman of the lamp

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love
thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is
suffering from "Ok-syndrome")

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR
AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK

(the "ok syndrome" again)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother
sister complity marred

(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married
'completely'?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent.
iam doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at
kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.

(actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailoring.??)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(height of desperation!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she
havea frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey.
IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are
beautiful.
but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that
Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR.
bye bye.

(uttama purushan)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.

(No comments)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.

(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i
divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good
minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste
accepted ...

(but credit cards not accepted..???)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service
(Zebra..???)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, girl simple who trust me lot
should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.

(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable

(this guy has fixed the marriage date too! Now thats proactive!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure.
because girl is the maharani.

(She's going to be one lucky girl!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not
paying salary at present.

(Any takers?)








:)

Monday, 10 November 2008

Men and women on earth die and go to heaven.
God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues
one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one
for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all
the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two
lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100
miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there
is only one man.

God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I
created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him!

Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this
line?"
The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

Friday, 17 October 2008

Upcoming Horror movies in IT Sector......

--- Appraisal Ki Pyaas

--- Badla Developer Ka

--- Tester Bana Shaitaan

--- Manager ki Cheekh

--- Tadapti Delivery

--- Darinda PM

---Client Ka Qaher!!!!!!!!!!!

---Viraana Cubicle!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last but not the least .....................
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Khooni Call