JUST GO THROUGH IT , YOU WILL ENJOY
One of the best interviews!! !
Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am SAMEER GUPTA. I did my Tele Communication engineering from
BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard
Of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission
Into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! In 12th.I
Was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to
Call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said
- "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this
College. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
Related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your
Engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you
Know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis
Tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and
3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try
To keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches
Really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I
Would complete it. In fact, when I flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job
For me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education
Itself was so much of pain!!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have
You worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current
Platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can
See I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the
Places in Mumbai)
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in
German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher
Version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new
Language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
Language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times
They are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech Ltd. Since
Joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that
Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and
Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call
And use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',
'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have
Deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I
Would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to
Avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term
preferably 2-4 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and
Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in
2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and
don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to
INFOSYS .. :-))
No intention to offend anybody..
Thursday, 20 November 2008
Friday, 14 November 2008
Stop Lying Else!!!!!!!!!!
Kyle's Dad brought home a robot one day.
The robot had the ability to detect lies and would slap the person who lied. Kyle returned late from school
Dad asked, Son why are you late from school?
Dad, we had extra classes today, the robot slapped Kyle on his face.
Dad shouted, "come on tell me the truth, why are you late?"
Dad, I went to see the movie Ten Commandments, Kyle got another slap from the robot.
Sorry dad, I went to see the movie "Red Hot Queen".
"Shame on you son, when I was your age, I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved", ....... immediately, he gets a hot slap on the face from the robot.
Kyle's mom comes walking out of the kitchen and says to her husband... "After all, he's your son!"
the robot steps up and slaps Kyle's mom
The robot had the ability to detect lies and would slap the person who lied. Kyle returned late from school
Dad asked, Son why are you late from school?
Dad, we had extra classes today, the robot slapped Kyle on his face.
Dad shouted, "come on tell me the truth, why are you late?"
Dad, I went to see the movie Ten Commandments, Kyle got another slap from the robot.
Sorry dad, I went to see the movie "Red Hot Queen".
"Shame on you son, when I was your age, I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved", ....... immediately, he gets a hot slap on the face from the robot.
Kyle's mom comes walking out of the kitchen and says to her husband... "After all, he's your son!"
the robot steps up and slaps Kyle's mom
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
Great Suspence...
This is really a Great Suspense......
Read along carefully to know what it is......
....
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near
a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the
door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I
could stay the night?
the monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner,
even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep,
he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks
the monks what the sound was, but they say, We
can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and
goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same
man's car breaks down in front of the same monastery. The
monks again accept him, feed him, even fix his car.
That night, he hears the same strange noise that he
had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks
reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to
know. I f the only way I can find out what that sound
was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell
us how many blades of grass there are and the exact
number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers,
you will become a monk.
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years
later, he returns and knocks on the door of the
monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and
have found what you have asked for. There are
145,236,284,232 blades of grass and
231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a
monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the
head monk says, The sound is right behind that
door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is
locked. He says, Real funny. May I have the key?
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of
stone. The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to
find a door made of ruby. He demands another key
from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is
another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went
until the man had gone through doors of emerald,
silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the
last door.
The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door,
turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to
find the source of that strange sound.
... . . . But I can't tell you what it is because
You're not a monk.
Read along carefully to know what it is......
....
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near
a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the
door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I
could stay the night?
the monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner,
even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep,
he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks
the monks what the sound was, but they say, We
can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and
goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same
man's car breaks down in front of the same monastery. The
monks again accept him, feed him, even fix his car.
That night, he hears the same strange noise that he
had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks
reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to
know. I f the only way I can find out what that sound
was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell
us how many blades of grass there are and the exact
number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers,
you will become a monk.
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years
later, he returns and knocks on the door of the
monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and
have found what you have asked for. There are
145,236,284,232 blades of grass and
231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a
monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the
head monk says, The sound is right behind that
door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is
locked. He says, Real funny. May I have the key?
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of
stone. The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to
find a door made of ruby. He demands another key
from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is
another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went
until the man had gone through doors of emerald,
silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the
last door.
The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door,
turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to
find the source of that strange sound.
... . . . But I can't tell you what it is because
You're not a monk.
Maths...chill!!!
A little boy was doing his Maths Homework.
He said to himself,
"Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine..."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my Maths Homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in Maths?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the
son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
He said to himself,
"Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine..."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my Maths Homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in Maths?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the
son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
Marriage proposals from shaadi.com..... too funny!!!
These are actual ads taken from shaadi.com - guys searching for brides..
These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have
no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the
heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after
reading this.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hello To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female,
If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home. I am not a good
education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome
to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u
letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar ~*~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state
she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Homework?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she
may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the
entire life can run smoothly. thank you
(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
she should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have
one brother and one sister. she should be educated.
(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I
love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I
am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i love
myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold
my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now
i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr
as in KSBKBT......
(I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he's asking for too much.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house
but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast
(by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL
MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY
MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD
NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing{laughing})
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone
bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she
would be called the woman of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love
thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is
suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR
AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK
(the "ok syndrome" again)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother
sister complity marred
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married
'completely'?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent.
iam doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at
kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.
(actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailoring.??)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she
havea frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey.
IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are
beautiful.
but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that
Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR.
bye bye.
(uttama purushan)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.
(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i
divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good
minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste
accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..???)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service
(Zebra..???)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, girl simple who trust me lot
should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.
(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable
(this guy has fixed the marriage date too! Now thats proactive!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure.
because girl is the maharani.
(She's going to be one lucky girl!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not
paying salary at present.
(Any takers?)
:)
These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have
no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the
heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after
reading this.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hello To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female,
If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home. I am not a good
education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome
to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u
letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar ~*~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state
she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Homework?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she
may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the
entire life can run smoothly. thank you
(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
she should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have
one brother and one sister. she should be educated.
(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I
love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I
am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i love
myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold
my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now
i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr
as in KSBKBT......
(I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he's asking for too much.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house
but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast
(by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL
MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY
MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD
NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing{laughing})
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone
bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she
would be called the woman of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love
thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is
suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR
AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK
(the "ok syndrome" again)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother
sister complity marred
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married
'completely'?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent.
iam doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at
kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.
(actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailoring.??)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she
havea frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey.
IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are
beautiful.
but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that
Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR.
bye bye.
(uttama purushan)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.
(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i
divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good
minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste
accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..???)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service
(Zebra..???)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, girl simple who trust me lot
should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.
(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable
(this guy has fixed the marriage date too! Now thats proactive!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure.
because girl is the maharani.
(She's going to be one lucky girl!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not
paying salary at present.
(Any takers?)
:)
Monday, 10 November 2008
Men and women on earth die and go to heaven.
God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues
one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one
for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all
the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."
Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two
lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100
miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there
is only one man.
God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I
created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him!
Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this
line?"
The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues
one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one
for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all
the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."
Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two
lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100
miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there
is only one man.
God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I
created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him!
Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this
line?"
The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
Friday, 17 October 2008
Upcoming Horror movies in IT Sector......
--- Appraisal Ki Pyaas
--- Badla Developer Ka
--- Tester Bana Shaitaan
--- Manager ki Cheekh
--- Tadapti Delivery
--- Darinda PM
---Client Ka Qaher!!!!!!!!!!!
---Viraana Cubicle!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last but not the least .....................
.........................
.........................
.........................
.........................
.......................
..................................
Khooni Call
--- Badla Developer Ka
--- Tester Bana Shaitaan
--- Manager ki Cheekh
--- Tadapti Delivery
--- Darinda PM
---Client Ka Qaher!!!!!!!!!!!
---Viraana Cubicle!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last but not the least .....................
.........................
.........................
.........................
.........................
.......................
..................................
Khooni Call
DENTIST JOKES
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
*
Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."
*
I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?
That's right, Sir.
So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?
That was my dentist.
*
At what time do most people go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty (2:30).
*
"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."
*
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100.
Patient: Well, without pain it's cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain.
Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth, when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!!
Hey, WITH pain it costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.
*
Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."
*
I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?
That's right, Sir.
So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?
That was my dentist.
*
At what time do most people go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty (2:30).
*
"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."
*
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100.
Patient: Well, without pain it's cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain.
Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth, when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!!
Hey, WITH pain it costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.
Blonde Year in Review
Blonde Year in Review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said '2-4 years!'
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.
September - The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911.....'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
What a year!!
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said '2-4 years!'
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.
September - The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911.....'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
What a year!!
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use
Friday, 3 October 2008
Common statements made by people after getting drunk...
Common statements made by people after getting drunk...
1. Tu to Mera bhai hai...bhai!!!
2. Tume patah hai ki muzhe chadti nahi hai.....
3. Gaadi mein Chalaunga...(LOL MAA KASAM I GET VV SCARED WHEN GIRLS/GUYS DRINK AND DRIVE)
4. Tu bura mat maann bhai....
5. Mai teri Dil Se Izzat Karta hu...
6. Abe bol daal aaj usko, aar yaa paar....
7. Aaj saali Chad nahi rahi hai kya baat hai??
8. Tu Kya samajh raha hai mujhe chad gayi hai...
9. Ye mat samajh ki peeke bol raha hu...
10. Abe yaar kahin kam to nahi padegi itnee...
11. Ek Ek Chhota aur ho Jae...!!!
12. Abe…. Baap ko mat Sikhao…
13. Yaar magar tune mera dil tod diya...
14. Kuchh bhi hai par saala Bhai hai Apna...
15. Tu Bolna Bhai, kya chahiye...Jaan chahiye hazir hai ???
16. Abe mere ko aaj tak nahi Chadee...shart laga saala aaj tu..
17. Chal teri baat karata hoon usse, phone number de uska...
18. Saale teri bhabhie hai wo…bhabie ki nazar se dekh usko…
19. Yaar tu samjha kar.. wo tere layak nahi hai…
20. chal bhai tu kah raha hai to tere liye chodh diya usko.. aaj se wo teri…bana issi baat par ek – ek aur peg !!!
21. Tujhe kya lagta hai chadh gayi hai... abhi ek full aur khatam kar sakta hun…
And the best one...
22. Yaar aaj uski bahut yaad aa rahi hai
And Finally...
23. Aab bahut ho gaya ….Salla... aaj se daru band........ .......!!!
1. Tu to Mera bhai hai...bhai!!!
2. Tume patah hai ki muzhe chadti nahi hai.....
3. Gaadi mein Chalaunga...(LOL MAA KASAM I GET VV SCARED WHEN GIRLS/GUYS DRINK AND DRIVE)
4. Tu bura mat maann bhai....
5. Mai teri Dil Se Izzat Karta hu...
6. Abe bol daal aaj usko, aar yaa paar....
7. Aaj saali Chad nahi rahi hai kya baat hai??
8. Tu Kya samajh raha hai mujhe chad gayi hai...
9. Ye mat samajh ki peeke bol raha hu...
10. Abe yaar kahin kam to nahi padegi itnee...
11. Ek Ek Chhota aur ho Jae...!!!
12. Abe…. Baap ko mat Sikhao…
13. Yaar magar tune mera dil tod diya...
14. Kuchh bhi hai par saala Bhai hai Apna...
15. Tu Bolna Bhai, kya chahiye...Jaan chahiye hazir hai ???
16. Abe mere ko aaj tak nahi Chadee...shart laga saala aaj tu..
17. Chal teri baat karata hoon usse, phone number de uska...
18. Saale teri bhabhie hai wo…bhabie ki nazar se dekh usko…
19. Yaar tu samjha kar.. wo tere layak nahi hai…
20. chal bhai tu kah raha hai to tere liye chodh diya usko.. aaj se wo teri…bana issi baat par ek – ek aur peg !!!
21. Tujhe kya lagta hai chadh gayi hai... abhi ek full aur khatam kar sakta hun…
And the best one...
22. Yaar aaj uski bahut yaad aa rahi hai
And Finally...
23. Aab bahut ho gaya ….Salla... aaj se daru band........ .......!!!
Thursday, 2 October 2008
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
Arrested for laughing..!!
This is from an actual trial in the UK.
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant..
She sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins’.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: ‘William’s Stick Did The Trick’.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.’
The case was dismissed………!!!
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant..
She sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins’.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: ‘William’s Stick Did The Trick’.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.’
The case was dismissed………!!!
Banta and Kidnap
Banta and Kidnap
Banta spending his life in real poverty decides to earn some quick bucks through an illegal way.
He thinks of kidnaping someone and demanding ransom from the parents of that child.
In order to execute his plan, he goes to a nearby park and finds a little girl playing there. He writes a note "I have kidnapped your daughter. Drop by Rs.2,00,000 in the park by 12:00pm tomorrow else your daughter will be killed".
He pins the note on the girl's shirts and drops her at her home.
Next day..
Banta desperately waiting at the park for the money.
That little girl comes with a bag and hands over the bag to Banta with a note.
Banta checks the bag and finds Rs.2,00,000 in the bag. He desparately check the note which happens to be from Santa. It reads....
"Please don't kill my daughter. I'm sending Rs.2,00,000 with my daughter. Keep it and release my daughter".
Banta spending his life in real poverty decides to earn some quick bucks through an illegal way.
He thinks of kidnaping someone and demanding ransom from the parents of that child.
In order to execute his plan, he goes to a nearby park and finds a little girl playing there. He writes a note "I have kidnapped your daughter. Drop by Rs.2,00,000 in the park by 12:00pm tomorrow else your daughter will be killed".
He pins the note on the girl's shirts and drops her at her home.
Next day..
Banta desperately waiting at the park for the money.
That little girl comes with a bag and hands over the bag to Banta with a note.
Banta checks the bag and finds Rs.2,00,000 in the bag. He desparately check the note which happens to be from Santa. It reads....
"Please don't kill my daughter. I'm sending Rs.2,00,000 with my daughter. Keep it and release my daughter".
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
MISS BLONDE, HMPH
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help
me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
started.'
Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'
The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,
'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'
He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then ...' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . ... .. .. .
(scroll down)
'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'
me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
started.'
Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'
The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,
'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'
He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then ...' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . ... .. .. .
(scroll down)
'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'
John McCain and Barack Obama
John McCain and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Obama was quick to stop him saying, 'No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse,'
The second barber turned to McCain and said, 'How about you?'
McCain replied, 'Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.'
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Obama was quick to stop him saying, 'No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse,'
The second barber turned to McCain and said, 'How about you?'
McCain replied, 'Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.'
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
Bank
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the temper, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
MORAL OF THE STORY: When opportunity knocks... don't loose it...
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the temper, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
MORAL OF THE STORY: When opportunity knocks... don't loose it...
Main kaidi no 786 from Veer Zaara…. ( Revised version in office)
Main kaidi no 786..
Cubicle ke dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
apni hi tarah
khaali baithe ek colleague ko dekhta hoon
kabhi mail karta
kabhi coffee peeta
kabhi Extn pe baat karta
Messenger pe chat karta rehta
woh kehte hain woh TL hai
woh kehte hain woh senior hai
fir kyon mere jaisa lagta hai
kyon din bhar FW: padhta hai
Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ki dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
cabin me baithe apne PM ko dekhta hoon
Main kaidi no 786..
kabhi phone pe
kabhi conference-call pe
gussa utarta jaane kis pe
who kehte hain project aane wala hai
training complete karo , kaam aane wala hai
fir kyon mujhe yeh jhootha sa lagta hai
fir kyon yeh sapna sa lagta hai
Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ke dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
Doosri companiyon ko join kar chuke
purane doston ko dekhta hoon
woh kehte hain bond ka kya hai, chale jao
woh kehte hain kahin aur kismat aazmao
fir kyon bond todne se dil darta hai
abhi ek saal aur intezaar
karne ko jee karta hai
Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ki dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon………….
Cubicle ke dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
apni hi tarah
khaali baithe ek colleague ko dekhta hoon
kabhi mail karta
kabhi coffee peeta
kabhi Extn pe baat karta
Messenger pe chat karta rehta
woh kehte hain woh TL hai
woh kehte hain woh senior hai
fir kyon mere jaisa lagta hai
kyon din bhar FW: padhta hai
Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ki dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
cabin me baithe apne PM ko dekhta hoon
Main kaidi no 786..
kabhi phone pe
kabhi conference-call pe
gussa utarta jaane kis pe
who kehte hain project aane wala hai
training complete karo , kaam aane wala hai
fir kyon mujhe yeh jhootha sa lagta hai
fir kyon yeh sapna sa lagta hai
Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ke dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
Doosri companiyon ko join kar chuke
purane doston ko dekhta hoon
woh kehte hain bond ka kya hai, chale jao
woh kehte hain kahin aur kismat aazmao
fir kyon bond todne se dil darta hai
abhi ek saal aur intezaar
karne ko jee karta hai
Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ki dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon………….
5 minute - Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and
runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800
to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after
a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband
asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time,
you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had
an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing
gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember
Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed
to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
manager are walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want
to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without
a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to
be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the
office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting,
doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must
be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of
that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't
got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed
with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and
found it actually gave him enough strength
to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was
proudly perched at the top of the tree..
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the
ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by
and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow
dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lays there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
Congratulations!!! THIS ENDS YOUR 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
And send this to five bright people
who have enough sense of humor
to take it!
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and
runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800
to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after
a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband
asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time,
you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had
an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing
gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember
Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed
to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
manager are walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want
to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without
a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to
be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the
office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting,
doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must
be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of
that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't
got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed
with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and
found it actually gave him enough strength
to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was
proudly perched at the top of the tree..
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the
ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by
and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow
dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lays there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
Congratulations!!! THIS ENDS YOUR 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
And send this to five bright people
who have enough sense of humor
to take it!
JAI MAHARASHTRA!!Good one!!!!
A Gujju, a Bhaiyya, a Bihari & Malayali died and were facing Yama.
Yama asked them if they wanted some facilities & told Chitragupt decided on their accommodation.
The Gujju said: "Hey Yambhai, aa marathi loko toh mane shaanti thi jeeva nathi deta. Maari dukaan fodi naakhi. Aa marathi loko ekdum junglee chhe. Mane maari baaju maa marathi maanas nathi joto."
The UP wala said : "Theek kaha gujjubhai ne. Shriman Yam, in marathi logo ne to hamara jeena hi mushkil kar diya hai....eemaan se!
Arre, meri dukaan ka board bhi kala kar diya. Kahat rahi ki dukaan ka naam marathi bhasha mein hona chaahiye. Ab ee bhi koi baat hui kya?
Mujhe bhi mere baaju mein marathi aadmi nahi chaahiye."
The Bihari said : "Yeh dono sajjan aadmi theek kahat hain. Arre main thode din pehle railway ki pariksa dene mumbai gaya tha.
Raam Lalla ki sougandh, in marathi logun ne humka bahut hi peeta. Hamaar haddi pasli ek kardi. Aisa junglee marathi humka hamaar saath naahi chaahiye."
The Malayali said : "aiiyoo humoko bhi marathi baaju main nahi mangta, bahto pareshaan karta hai yeh log. kuch kaam kerne ko nahi aata phir bhi hosiyari maarke k! aheta hai ki tumko hamare mumbai se nikal dega.
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Yama turns to Chitragupt: "Aayla Chitrya, ya saglyanchya files gheun ye re!!! Baghto ekekala"
Yama asked them if they wanted some facilities & told Chitragupt decided on their accommodation.
The Gujju said: "Hey Yambhai, aa marathi loko toh mane shaanti thi jeeva nathi deta. Maari dukaan fodi naakhi. Aa marathi loko ekdum junglee chhe. Mane maari baaju maa marathi maanas nathi joto."
The UP wala said : "Theek kaha gujjubhai ne. Shriman Yam, in marathi logo ne to hamara jeena hi mushkil kar diya hai....eemaan se!
Arre, meri dukaan ka board bhi kala kar diya. Kahat rahi ki dukaan ka naam marathi bhasha mein hona chaahiye. Ab ee bhi koi baat hui kya?
Mujhe bhi mere baaju mein marathi aadmi nahi chaahiye."
The Bihari said : "Yeh dono sajjan aadmi theek kahat hain. Arre main thode din pehle railway ki pariksa dene mumbai gaya tha.
Raam Lalla ki sougandh, in marathi logun ne humka bahut hi peeta. Hamaar haddi pasli ek kardi. Aisa junglee marathi humka hamaar saath naahi chaahiye."
The Malayali said : "aiiyoo humoko bhi marathi baaju main nahi mangta, bahto pareshaan karta hai yeh log. kuch kaam kerne ko nahi aata phir bhi hosiyari maarke k! aheta hai ki tumko hamare mumbai se nikal dega.
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Yama turns to Chitragupt: "Aayla Chitrya, ya saglyanchya files gheun ye re!!! Baghto ekekala"
Thursday, 11 September 2008
TYPICAL CONVERSATION b/w Lovers-------------- To gooooooooood
Note: The Conversation in the brackets {} contain the words which the guy is speaking to himself!!!
She gives a missed call to him … and He calls her back…
She: Hello!
He: {are yaar...Raat ke 10 bajte nahin ki iski 2-2 second waali missed calls shuru…pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi}
Hi ...kya baat hai..?
She: kuch nahi...bas aise hi phone kiya...
He: {Aise hee ??? Yeh kya Radio Station hai ki aise hee ...!! Aur Call kahan kiya ?... khali missed call to diya hai, roz ki tarah...}
oh...ok ..kya kar rahi thi ??
She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya...tum kya kar rahe the?
He: {mai to lunch karke utha hoon na}
Mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab...."Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon" sun raha hu FM par....
She: nice song… (And then she hums a line from the song "Hum Tum")
He: {Yaaaaaaaaarrrrr …kyun bola gaane ka naam .. Ab ye Madonna saare raag gaa degi yaheen}
Hey!!!! Tum itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha ..
She: *giggles*
He: {Ohhhho kya hansti hai .. aisa lag raha hai koi gaadi start kar raha hai}
Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!
She: Yehan sab so rahe hai... Agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge…
He: {Ekdum Correct...woh yehi samjhenge ki koi paagal, kisi baat par naraaz ho gayi hai ...}
Come on! Please!
She: Hattt ...I don't sing that well
He: {Yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai... paka kyun rahi hai}
It was really sweet. Please gaao na dear …
She: Mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan …
He: {mujhe tujhse jyada ajeeb lagta hai, dekh phir bhi shaheed hone ko tayaar baitha hoon}
Aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu...gaao na
He: {mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai....is liye bola}
Abhi tum gaaogi ya nahi ?
She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?
He: Acchha ! Ok Nahi karta
She: I don't have that great a voice ... ye to aise hee gaa diya tha ... warna mai nahin gaati
He: {Fir aise hee ??? bada ehsaan karti agar nahin gaati … kaan mai se khoon nikalne waala hai... saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye
teri awaaz sunke…}
hmmmm
She: Theek hai... jab itni zid kar rahe ho... sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek hai??
He: {Abbe teri !!! fas gayaaaaa ... shittttt … aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi…}
Great!!!!
She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?
He: {Tum kuch bhi gaao... meri to aaj by default neend haraam hai…}
Hmmmm… 'Mahiya' from Awarapan?
She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai
He: {Thank God ... Text book chhodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol ...}
Dhoom Machale?
She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi
He: {Aye tere nakhre ... mai to jaise mara jaa raha hoon teri awaaz sun ne ke liye Shakira … koi bhi gaana gaa....mere kaan to pakne waale hai}
Cool
(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)
She: Nahi jaan… I am feeling very shy!
He: {Tu shuru kyun hoti hai … ek bar shuru hokar khatam kyun nahin karti jaldi jaldi... ab kya Eden Gardens book karun, tab gayegi}
Gaao na...pls gaao na....teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana chahta hoon
She: dekho...ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho …
He: {Achchha ab tujhe manaane mai poore sheher ko phool leke bhejun kya}
No no... Tum shy feel kar rahi ho na... is liye... Trying to make u comfortable …
She: Hmmm…
He: {Ye makkhi ki tarah kya shuru ho gayi}
Please gaao na darling...
She: Main kal gaaun?
He: {Haaaaaannnn...jaaan bachi... nikal leta hoon...abhi mauka hai}
Theek hai jaisi tumhaari merzi
She: Hmmm
He: Good night
She: Good night
She: Sweet Dreams… Take care...
He: Sweets dreams to u too... {kaahe ke sweet dreams .. sone degi tab na ayenge dreams …abhi 2 minute mein fir call karegi}
After a while She calls Him (sorry...that never happens, she gives only a missed call)
She: Hey… so gaye the kya?
He: {Nahiii...current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha...}
Nahi jaan
She: kya kar rahe ho?
He: {Raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai...}
Match dekh raha tha
She: Theek hai tum match dekho
He: {phone rakhegi to dekhunga na... ya tu running commentary sunayegi}
Hey it's ok... purana match hai
She: Did u feel bad I didn't sing?
(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)
He: {Bad eh? Crazy girl... this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn't sing}
Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable first.... tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi.....
So, me waiting… {maine to socha tha ki aaj bach gaya... dhatttt tereki L}
She sings 1 stanza from the song
'Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami.....'
He: Wow. Too good!
She: jhoot....mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai
He: {Saamne aa jaa, fir bataata hoon... pagal kar diya... chalo shukr hai self realization hai ... J}
Nahi darling you really sing well
She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho
He: {Very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya.....kyun bhagwaan kyun !! mere saath ye julm kyun}
Cheee! Cheee! teri voice agar itni buri hoti to main kya ab tak na sun raha hota
She: Hmmmm...theek hai.. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao…
He: {Achcha mil gayi permission ... waise tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kahan aayegi ab ...}
Good night!
She: Take care
He: You too
She: Hey....
He: {Arrre yaar.. aaj ye nahi chhodegi} kya hai sweety?
She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi...
He: {Tu apni voice record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar !! dimaag ka dahi kar rakha hai .. lassi banaake peeja mere dimaag ki}
sachchi... Of course.
She: sirf jhoot
He: {Iski toh... !! jab pata hai to mujhse kya singing sensation ka award legi !! phata dhol…}
Not at all. You sing very well…
She: Hmmm.... tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.
He: Good Night!!
She gives a missed call to him … and He calls her back…
She: Hello!
He: {are yaar...Raat ke 10 bajte nahin ki iski 2-2 second waali missed calls shuru…pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi}
Hi ...kya baat hai..?
She: kuch nahi...bas aise hi phone kiya...
He: {Aise hee ??? Yeh kya Radio Station hai ki aise hee ...!! Aur Call kahan kiya ?... khali missed call to diya hai, roz ki tarah...}
oh...ok ..kya kar rahi thi ??
She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya...tum kya kar rahe the?
He: {mai to lunch karke utha hoon na}
Mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab...."Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon" sun raha hu FM par....
She: nice song… (And then she hums a line from the song "Hum Tum")
He: {Yaaaaaaaaarrrrr …kyun bola gaane ka naam .. Ab ye Madonna saare raag gaa degi yaheen}
Hey!!!! Tum itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha ..
She: *giggles*
He: {Ohhhho kya hansti hai .. aisa lag raha hai koi gaadi start kar raha hai}
Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!
She: Yehan sab so rahe hai... Agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge…
He: {Ekdum Correct...woh yehi samjhenge ki koi paagal, kisi baat par naraaz ho gayi hai ...}
Come on! Please!
She: Hattt ...I don't sing that well
He: {Yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai... paka kyun rahi hai}
It was really sweet. Please gaao na dear …
She: Mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan …
He: {mujhe tujhse jyada ajeeb lagta hai, dekh phir bhi shaheed hone ko tayaar baitha hoon}
Aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu...gaao na
He: {mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai....is liye bola}
Abhi tum gaaogi ya nahi ?
She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?
He: Acchha ! Ok Nahi karta
She: I don't have that great a voice ... ye to aise hee gaa diya tha ... warna mai nahin gaati
He: {Fir aise hee ??? bada ehsaan karti agar nahin gaati … kaan mai se khoon nikalne waala hai... saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye
teri awaaz sunke…}
hmmmm
She: Theek hai... jab itni zid kar rahe ho... sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek hai??
He: {Abbe teri !!! fas gayaaaaa ... shittttt … aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi…}
Great!!!!
She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?
He: {Tum kuch bhi gaao... meri to aaj by default neend haraam hai…}
Hmmmm… 'Mahiya' from Awarapan?
She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai
He: {Thank God ... Text book chhodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol ...}
Dhoom Machale?
She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi
He: {Aye tere nakhre ... mai to jaise mara jaa raha hoon teri awaaz sun ne ke liye Shakira … koi bhi gaana gaa....mere kaan to pakne waale hai}
Cool
(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)
She: Nahi jaan… I am feeling very shy!
He: {Tu shuru kyun hoti hai … ek bar shuru hokar khatam kyun nahin karti jaldi jaldi... ab kya Eden Gardens book karun, tab gayegi}
Gaao na...pls gaao na....teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana chahta hoon
She: dekho...ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho …
He: {Achchha ab tujhe manaane mai poore sheher ko phool leke bhejun kya}
No no... Tum shy feel kar rahi ho na... is liye... Trying to make u comfortable …
She: Hmmm…
He: {Ye makkhi ki tarah kya shuru ho gayi}
Please gaao na darling...
She: Main kal gaaun?
He: {Haaaaaannnn...jaaan bachi... nikal leta hoon...abhi mauka hai}
Theek hai jaisi tumhaari merzi
She: Hmmm
He: Good night
She: Good night
She: Sweet Dreams… Take care...
He: Sweets dreams to u too... {kaahe ke sweet dreams .. sone degi tab na ayenge dreams …abhi 2 minute mein fir call karegi}
After a while She calls Him (sorry...that never happens, she gives only a missed call)
She: Hey… so gaye the kya?
He: {Nahiii...current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha...}
Nahi jaan
She: kya kar rahe ho?
He: {Raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai...}
Match dekh raha tha
She: Theek hai tum match dekho
He: {phone rakhegi to dekhunga na... ya tu running commentary sunayegi}
Hey it's ok... purana match hai
She: Did u feel bad I didn't sing?
(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)
He: {Bad eh? Crazy girl... this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn't sing}
Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable first.... tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi.....
So, me waiting… {maine to socha tha ki aaj bach gaya... dhatttt tereki L}
She sings 1 stanza from the song
'Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami.....'
He: Wow. Too good!
She: jhoot....mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai
He: {Saamne aa jaa, fir bataata hoon... pagal kar diya... chalo shukr hai self realization hai ... J}
Nahi darling you really sing well
She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho
He: {Very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya.....kyun bhagwaan kyun !! mere saath ye julm kyun}
Cheee! Cheee! teri voice agar itni buri hoti to main kya ab tak na sun raha hota
She: Hmmmm...theek hai.. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao…
He: {Achcha mil gayi permission ... waise tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kahan aayegi ab ...}
Good night!
She: Take care
He: You too
She: Hey....
He: {Arrre yaar.. aaj ye nahi chhodegi} kya hai sweety?
She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi...
He: {Tu apni voice record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar !! dimaag ka dahi kar rakha hai .. lassi banaake peeja mere dimaag ki}
sachchi... Of course.
She: sirf jhoot
He: {Iski toh... !! jab pata hai to mujhse kya singing sensation ka award legi !! phata dhol…}
Not at all. You sing very well…
She: Hmmm.... tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.
He: Good Night!!
APPRAISAL LETTER
Read this mail completely
Dear Manager (HR),
Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.
Signed - Project Leader
NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the
report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7,
9,11, 13)
for my true assessment of him.
Dear Manager (HR),
Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.
Signed - Project Leader
NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the
report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7,
9,11, 13)
for my true assessment of him.
WEDDING SQL
CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
@ BrideGroom Char(NotBad) ,
@ Bride Char(Good)
AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM Brides
WHERE
FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND
CarCount > 2 AND
HouseStatus ='TwoStoreyed' AND
BrideEduStatus= 'PG orAbove'
HavingBrothers= 'NO' AND
HavingSisters ='No' AND
AllowRelocate ='YES' ;
SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalan ce FROM FatherInLaw ;
UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherinLawBal ;
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherinLawGold ;
INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW') ;
END ;
GO ;
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Then the wife writes the below query:
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FORMAT HUSBAND ;
@ BrideGroom Char(NotBad) ,
@ Bride Char(Good)
AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM Brides
WHERE
FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND
CarCount > 2 AND
HouseStatus ='TwoStoreyed' AND
BrideEduStatus= 'PG orAbove'
HavingBrothers= 'NO' AND
HavingSisters ='No' AND
AllowRelocate ='YES' ;
SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalan ce FROM FatherInLaw ;
UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherinLawBal ;
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherinLawGold ;
INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW') ;
END ;
GO ;
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Then the wife writes the below query:
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FORMAT HUSBAND ;
Khandala song in various languages……
===================
Aati kya khandala
===================
Hindi:
A Kya Bolti Tu?
A Kya Mai Bolu?
Sun
Suna
Ati Kya Khandala
Kya karu Ake mai Khandala
Are Ghumenge, nachenge, gayenge Aish karenge or kya ?
English :
Aye what do you say?
Aye what should I say?
Listen.
Speak on.
Coming to khandala?
What should I do, coming to khandala?
We'll roam, we'll loaf, we'll sing, we'll dance we"ll
freak, baby,what else?
Sanskrit : This is too good
Aye balike, twam katham kathisyasi?
Aye balakah aham kim kathisyamh?
Shrinvasi!
Shrunha
Kim twam khandaalaa agchasyasi
Aham kim kurwasyami khandaalayeh
gamisyami, bhramisyami, nryuthyami, gaayami, maja
karishma, kim karishyami?
Punjabi :
A ! ke boldi tu;?
A ke mein bolan?;
Sunh
Sunha
Chaldi khandala
Ki karaan ae ke mein khandala
Are Ghoomenge, Turainge, Naachenge, Gaavenge, Mauj
Karenge, Aur Ki ?
Gujarati :
Aye shun bole tu?
Aye hun shun bolu?
Sambhal
Sambhlaav
Aave chey su khandaalaa?
Shun karu aaviine khandaalaa?
Ghumshun, pharshun, naachshun, gaashun, majaa karshun,
beeju shun?
Marathi
Aye kaai tu mhantes?
Aye kaai mi mhanhu?
Aik
Aikav
Yetes kai khandaalaa?
Kai karu yevon mi khandaalaa?
Are ghumuyaa, phiruyaa, gavuyaa, nachuyaa, aish
karuyaa, aankhin kai?
Kashmiri :
Heey, kya chaakh wannan?
Heev, kya bhe wanneyyyy?
Booz
Wanoo
Pakha telle khandalaa;
Kya karee weeteth bhe khandalaa
Pherevhey, nachevhey, geevevhey, khevevhey, eesh
karav, beyy kya?
Konkani :Aye ! kitte sangta tu?
Aye ! aao kite sangu?
Saang
Saangta
Khandalaa yeta ghi?
Khandalaa yevun kithe kharche?
Bhovya, Phireya, Naachya, Gauya, maja korya, anikithe?
Bengali :
Ei ki bolis tui?
Ei ki ar boli?
Shon
Shonaa !
Jabi ki khondalaa
K! i kori giye khondalaa
Are, ghurbo, phirbo, nachbo, gaibo, maja korbo ar ki?
Malayalam :
Aye yendhu parayunnu?
Aye nyan yedhu parayaan?
Keku
Parayu
Varinno khandala?
Yendu cheyyan .. Nyaan vannittu Khandaala?
Karangam, chuttam, paadam, aadam, maja cheyyam,verendha?
Telugu :
Aye, ainte chaepphuta vu?
Aye,ainte chaepala?
Vinu
Chaeppu
Wastava Khandala
Yem Chesedhi? vacchi Khandala
Thiruguthamu, eguruthamu, aadthaamu, paadthaamu,maja
chesthamu inkemi?
Sindhi :
Aye cha thi c! haen tu?
Aye Maan chaa chavan?
Budh
Budhai
Acheti cha khandaalaa?
Cha kandis achi maan khandaalaa?
Are Ghumandasi, phirandasi, gayendasi,
Nachandasi,aaish kan! dasi, byo cha?
Magahi : (BIHARI)
A ki bolahin tu?
A kya boliyuow hum?
Sun
Sunaow
Aaimahi ki khandala
Ki kariaow aake hum khandala
Gumbai, Phir! bai, naachai, gaayii, aish karbai aur ki
Assamese:
ey ki kua tumi?
ey ki kom moi?
sun
suna
ahibi ki khandala?
ki korim aahi moi kahandalaa
are ghurim,phirim,nasim,gaam,khub phurti korim aru ki?
Tamil:
Enna solre?
Ennatha solla?
mudalla kelu,
sari sollu
Kandala variya
kandala poi enna panrathu
Vera enna .oor suthuvom aaduvom paaduvom jalsa
pannuvom
Foreign Languages :
German :
Was sagst du?
Was soll ich sagen?
Hor mal!
Sag mal!
Kommst Nach Khandala?
Was machen wir in Khaldala?
Wir gehen, spazieren, tanzen, singen, haben spaCx,
was noch?
Spanish :
Tu que deceas?
Yo que deseo?
Oye
Di me
Vas a tu khandaalaa?
Que haceo, yo voy en el khandaalaa?
Viajamos, vagabundeamos, bailamos, cantamos,
disfrutamos, si no.
Chinese :
Ain, Chon Zuan Ho?
Ain, Chon Hee Zuano?
Sui,!
Suion,
Hyuan Chon Khandala?
Chon Tsuani Hyui Hee Khandala?
Chijuan, Kajuan, Marijuan, Siuan, Samshuan
Tsuaniya Tsu Chon?
Russian :
Aeich, Kov Speache niv?
Aeich, Kov miv Speache?
Nuushev,!
Nuusheva,
Comeva Kov Khandala?
Kov Sheychev Comov miv Khandala?
Rotiv, Rotrach, Balleva, Opereacha, Enjova
Sheychevin, Kov
Gobraich?
French :!
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu dis?
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu me vouler dire?
Entendre
Entendrez
Est-ceque tu viens a la Khandala
Qu'est-ceque je fais a aller a la Khandala ?
Promenez,! Allez, Dansez, Chantez a quelle?
Zambesi : (African)
Aye, Zwa To Zulu?
Aye, Zwa Ze Zulu,?
Wahte,
Kaso,
Heliyo To Khandaalaa?
Zwa Kumi, Helithe Khandaalaa?!
Himala, Romala, Wahwahla, Infala, Kumaya Kumana, Ni
Aati kya khandala
===================
Hindi:
A Kya Bolti Tu?
A Kya Mai Bolu?
Sun
Suna
Ati Kya Khandala
Kya karu Ake mai Khandala
Are Ghumenge, nachenge, gayenge Aish karenge or kya ?
English :
Aye what do you say?
Aye what should I say?
Listen.
Speak on.
Coming to khandala?
What should I do, coming to khandala?
We'll roam, we'll loaf, we'll sing, we'll dance we"ll
freak, baby,what else?
Sanskrit : This is too good
Aye balike, twam katham kathisyasi?
Aye balakah aham kim kathisyamh?
Shrinvasi!
Shrunha
Kim twam khandaalaa agchasyasi
Aham kim kurwasyami khandaalayeh
gamisyami, bhramisyami, nryuthyami, gaayami, maja
karishma, kim karishyami?
Punjabi :
A ! ke boldi tu;?
A ke mein bolan?;
Sunh
Sunha
Chaldi khandala
Ki karaan ae ke mein khandala
Are Ghoomenge, Turainge, Naachenge, Gaavenge, Mauj
Karenge, Aur Ki ?
Gujarati :
Aye shun bole tu?
Aye hun shun bolu?
Sambhal
Sambhlaav
Aave chey su khandaalaa?
Shun karu aaviine khandaalaa?
Ghumshun, pharshun, naachshun, gaashun, majaa karshun,
beeju shun?
Marathi
Aye kaai tu mhantes?
Aye kaai mi mhanhu?
Aik
Aikav
Yetes kai khandaalaa?
Kai karu yevon mi khandaalaa?
Are ghumuyaa, phiruyaa, gavuyaa, nachuyaa, aish
karuyaa, aankhin kai?
Kashmiri :
Heey, kya chaakh wannan?
Heev, kya bhe wanneyyyy?
Booz
Wanoo
Pakha telle khandalaa;
Kya karee weeteth bhe khandalaa
Pherevhey, nachevhey, geevevhey, khevevhey, eesh
karav, beyy kya?
Konkani :Aye ! kitte sangta tu?
Aye ! aao kite sangu?
Saang
Saangta
Khandalaa yeta ghi?
Khandalaa yevun kithe kharche?
Bhovya, Phireya, Naachya, Gauya, maja korya, anikithe?
Bengali :
Ei ki bolis tui?
Ei ki ar boli?
Shon
Shonaa !
Jabi ki khondalaa
K! i kori giye khondalaa
Are, ghurbo, phirbo, nachbo, gaibo, maja korbo ar ki?
Malayalam :
Aye yendhu parayunnu?
Aye nyan yedhu parayaan?
Keku
Parayu
Varinno khandala?
Yendu cheyyan .. Nyaan vannittu Khandaala?
Karangam, chuttam, paadam, aadam, maja cheyyam,verendha?
Telugu :
Aye, ainte chaepphuta vu?
Aye,ainte chaepala?
Vinu
Chaeppu
Wastava Khandala
Yem Chesedhi? vacchi Khandala
Thiruguthamu, eguruthamu, aadthaamu, paadthaamu,maja
chesthamu inkemi?
Sindhi :
Aye cha thi c! haen tu?
Aye Maan chaa chavan?
Budh
Budhai
Acheti cha khandaalaa?
Cha kandis achi maan khandaalaa?
Are Ghumandasi, phirandasi, gayendasi,
Nachandasi,aaish kan! dasi, byo cha?
Magahi : (BIHARI)
A ki bolahin tu?
A kya boliyuow hum?
Sun
Sunaow
Aaimahi ki khandala
Ki kariaow aake hum khandala
Gumbai, Phir! bai, naachai, gaayii, aish karbai aur ki
Assamese:
ey ki kua tumi?
ey ki kom moi?
sun
suna
ahibi ki khandala?
ki korim aahi moi kahandalaa
are ghurim,phirim,nasim,gaam,khub phurti korim aru ki?
Tamil:
Enna solre?
Ennatha solla?
mudalla kelu,
sari sollu
Kandala variya
kandala poi enna panrathu
Vera enna .oor suthuvom aaduvom paaduvom jalsa
pannuvom
Foreign Languages :
German :
Was sagst du?
Was soll ich sagen?
Hor mal!
Sag mal!
Kommst Nach Khandala?
Was machen wir in Khaldala?
Wir gehen, spazieren, tanzen, singen, haben spaCx,
was noch?
Spanish :
Tu que deceas?
Yo que deseo?
Oye
Di me
Vas a tu khandaalaa?
Que haceo, yo voy en el khandaalaa?
Viajamos, vagabundeamos, bailamos, cantamos,
disfrutamos, si no.
Chinese :
Ain, Chon Zuan Ho?
Ain, Chon Hee Zuano?
Sui,!
Suion,
Hyuan Chon Khandala?
Chon Tsuani Hyui Hee Khandala?
Chijuan, Kajuan, Marijuan, Siuan, Samshuan
Tsuaniya Tsu Chon?
Russian :
Aeich, Kov Speache niv?
Aeich, Kov miv Speache?
Nuushev,!
Nuusheva,
Comeva Kov Khandala?
Kov Sheychev Comov miv Khandala?
Rotiv, Rotrach, Balleva, Opereacha, Enjova
Sheychevin, Kov
Gobraich?
French :!
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu dis?
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu me vouler dire?
Entendre
Entendrez
Est-ceque tu viens a la Khandala
Qu'est-ceque je fais a aller a la Khandala ?
Promenez,! Allez, Dansez, Chantez a quelle?
Zambesi : (African)
Aye, Zwa To Zulu?
Aye, Zwa Ze Zulu,?
Wahte,
Kaso,
Heliyo To Khandaalaa?
Zwa Kumi, Helithe Khandaalaa?!
Himala, Romala, Wahwahla, Infala, Kumaya Kumana, Ni
Papa kehte hain for Software Folks...(old one..but very nice)
Sing along.. really nice J
Doston...!
Aaj Delivery ka Aakhri Din hain,
Aur sabhi ne kuch na kuch file check-in kiya hain
Par mainekoi file check-in nahin kiya hain
No really I mean it
Aaaj, Aaj mujhe bar bar ek hi khayal aa raha hain
The song begins here .........
PM ( Project Manager ) kehte hain bada kam karega,
TM ( team member ) hamara bada code likhega,
magar yeh to koi na jaane ,
ke iska template hain
kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn
PM kehte hain bada kam karega, aaaaa aaaaaa
[jazzy music in the manner of TDD being typed]
Baithe hain milke,
Sab reviewer apne,
sabke dilon mein armaan yeh hain [eh he eh]
woh Review mein kal kya bharega,
har ek defect ka Owner kaun hain.....
koi reviewer ka kaam karega,
Defect resolution main koi apna naam bharega,
magar yeh to koi na jaane,
ke is defect ka owner hain
kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn
PM kehte hain bada kam karega, aaaaa aaaaaa
[jazzy music in the manner of Review defects being closed]
Mera to sapna,
Hain Onsite Jana
Jau jo wahan,
Jhume Bahar
tension badhati,
UAT ka mausam,
client ki masti,
OC ka haal....
bandha onsite main 0 defect try karega....
good show mail mein apna naam payega
mujhe bus itna kaho yaaron...
ki mujhe onsite jana hain
kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn
PM kehte hain bada kam karega,
TM hamara bada code likhega,
magar yeh to koi na jaane,
ke mera appraisal hain
kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn
Doston...!
Aaj Delivery ka Aakhri Din hain,
Aur sabhi ne kuch na kuch file check-in kiya hain
Par mainekoi file check-in nahin kiya hain
No really I mean it
Aaaj, Aaj mujhe bar bar ek hi khayal aa raha hain
The song begins here .........
PM ( Project Manager ) kehte hain bada kam karega,
TM ( team member ) hamara bada code likhega,
magar yeh to koi na jaane ,
ke iska template hain
kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn
PM kehte hain bada kam karega, aaaaa aaaaaa
[jazzy music in the manner of TDD being typed]
Baithe hain milke,
Sab reviewer apne,
sabke dilon mein armaan yeh hain [eh he eh]
woh Review mein kal kya bharega,
har ek defect ka Owner kaun hain.....
koi reviewer ka kaam karega,
Defect resolution main koi apna naam bharega,
magar yeh to koi na jaane,
ke is defect ka owner hain
kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn
PM kehte hain bada kam karega, aaaaa aaaaaa
[jazzy music in the manner of Review defects being closed]
Mera to sapna,
Hain Onsite Jana
Jau jo wahan,
Jhume Bahar
tension badhati,
UAT ka mausam,
client ki masti,
OC ka haal....
bandha onsite main 0 defect try karega....
good show mail mein apna naam payega
mujhe bus itna kaho yaaron...
ki mujhe onsite jana hain
kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn
PM kehte hain bada kam karega,
TM hamara bada code likhega,
magar yeh to koi na jaane,
ke mera appraisal hain
kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn
INTERVIEW
OFFICER—————-WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER—————-TELL ME PROPERLY
CANDIDATE————MOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER————– YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?
CANDIDATE——— M P. SIR
OFFICER————- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE————MANMOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER————- YOUR NATIVE PLACE
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER———— IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?
CANDIDATE————NO, MANI PAL SIR
OFFICER———— WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION ?
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER———— (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?
CANDIDATE————METRIC PASS
OFFICER————- WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?
CANDIDATE———M P. SIR
OFFICER———— AND WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE———MONEY PROBLEM SIR
OFFICER———— DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER———— EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY
CANDIDATE———-MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR
OFFICER————-THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW
CANDIDATE———-M P. SIR
OFFICER—————WHAT is it NOW
CANDIDATE————My Performance…. ?
OFFICER—————-M P!!!!
CANDIDATE————WHAT IS THAT SIR
OFFICER————–MENTAL PROBLEM
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER—————-TELL ME PROPERLY
CANDIDATE————MOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER————– YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?
CANDIDATE——— M P. SIR
OFFICER————- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE————MANMOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER————- YOUR NATIVE PLACE
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER———— IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?
CANDIDATE————NO, MANI PAL SIR
OFFICER———— WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION ?
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER———— (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?
CANDIDATE————METRIC PASS
OFFICER————- WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?
CANDIDATE———M P. SIR
OFFICER———— AND WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE———MONEY PROBLEM SIR
OFFICER———— DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
CANDIDATE————M P. SIR
OFFICER———— EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY
CANDIDATE———-MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR
OFFICER————-THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW
CANDIDATE———-M P. SIR
OFFICER—————WHAT is it NOW
CANDIDATE————My Performance…. ?
OFFICER—————-M P!!!!
CANDIDATE————WHAT IS THAT SIR
OFFICER————–MENTAL PROBLEM
HASNA MANA HAI!!!
Ek bhoot dusare bhoot ko bolta hai-
Kitni ajeeb baat hai aadmi mar ne
ke baad bhoot ban jata hai,
par aurat chudel ki chudel hi rehti hai.....
Wife- Ek baat bolu maarna mat.
Husband- Bolo.
Wife- I am pregnant.
Husband- Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Wife- College me ek baar papa ko
batai thi to bahut maara tha.
A marathi student in a village was asked to
read the English numbers 70, 82, 89, 99.
He reads "Shewanti, Yeti tu? Yeti nai? nai tar nai..."
Sardar - Bachpan me maa ki bat suni hoti to aaj ye din na dekhna padta.
Judge- Kya kehti thi maa?
Sardar- Jab bat hi nahi suni to kaise batau kya kehti thi?
Wife- "Suno ji, doctor ne muze 1 mahine aaram k liye kisi
Hill station pe jaane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge?"
Husband- Dusre doctor ke pas.
Santa goes to hotel and orders fried fish.
Waiter- Sir, French or Spanish?
Santa- Jo marji le aa, maine kaunsi baatein karni hai....!
Kitni ajeeb baat hai aadmi mar ne
ke baad bhoot ban jata hai,
par aurat chudel ki chudel hi rehti hai.....
Wife- Ek baat bolu maarna mat.
Husband- Bolo.
Wife- I am pregnant.
Husband- Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Wife- College me ek baar papa ko
batai thi to bahut maara tha.
A marathi student in a village was asked to
read the English numbers 70, 82, 89, 99.
He reads "Shewanti, Yeti tu? Yeti nai? nai tar nai..."
Sardar - Bachpan me maa ki bat suni hoti to aaj ye din na dekhna padta.
Judge- Kya kehti thi maa?
Sardar- Jab bat hi nahi suni to kaise batau kya kehti thi?
Wife- "Suno ji, doctor ne muze 1 mahine aaram k liye kisi
Hill station pe jaane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge?"
Husband- Dusre doctor ke pas.
Santa goes to hotel and orders fried fish.
Waiter- Sir, French or Spanish?
Santa- Jo marji le aa, maine kaunsi baatein karni hai....!
Wednesday, 10 September 2008
ATM
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Monday, 8 September 2008
Saturday, 6 September 2008
Joke Of The Day
Doctor to sardar patient : Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai.
Sardar : Doctor saheb Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.
Doctor : dawai khali thi kya?
Sardar : Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.
Doctor : Are Sardar ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.
Sardar : Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le lit hi.
Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?
Sardar : Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.
Doctor : Abe GADHE, Dawai ko piliya tha kya?
Sardar : Nai. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.
Doctor( in frustration) : Abe teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k nai?
Sardar : Nai doctor saheb.
Doctor : Kyon?
Sardar : Kyonki dhakkan band tha.
Doctor : Teri sale, to Khola kyon nai.
Sardar : Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.
Doctor : Tera ilaz main nai kar sakta.!
Sardar : Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga JJJJJJJ
Sardar : Doctor saheb Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.
Doctor : dawai khali thi kya?
Sardar : Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.
Doctor : Are Sardar ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.
Sardar : Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le lit hi.
Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?
Sardar : Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.
Doctor : Abe GADHE, Dawai ko piliya tha kya?
Sardar : Nai. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.
Doctor( in frustration) : Abe teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k nai?
Sardar : Nai doctor saheb.
Doctor : Kyon?
Sardar : Kyonki dhakkan band tha.
Doctor : Teri sale, to Khola kyon nai.
Sardar : Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.
Doctor : Tera ilaz main nai kar sakta.!
Sardar : Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga JJJJJJJ
Thursday, 4 September 2008
Passing an exam
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
******
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
******
McDonald's love story...
A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonald's one cold winter evening.
They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking: "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.
The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.
Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. - "They were used to sharing everything ."
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing.
She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.
A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.
The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.
After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered "THE TEETH"
******
They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking: "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.
The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.
Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. - "They were used to sharing everything ."
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing.
She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.
A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.
The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.
After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered "THE TEETH"
******
Going to Propose a Girl ?
Here are the top most reply of a girl, when you propose her...
1) Nahi........ ......... ???
2) Chiiiii..... Kitne gande vichar hain tumhare..... ..
3) Maine tumhe sirf ek acche dost ki nazar se dekha hai ....
4) Mera pehle se ek boyfrnd hai....
5) Main in baton pe vishwas nahi karti, apne padhai pe dhyaan lagao...
6) tum abhi tak mujhe jaante kahan ho ?Yeh shayad infatuation hai....
7) Tumhara bank balance kitna hai…??
8) Magar last year to Maine tumhe raakhi baandhi thi ..hai naa..bhaiyya. .??
9) Mein abhi is relation ke liye mentally prepared nahi hoo....
10) Mein apne dady se pooch ke tumhe kaal answer karu…??
11) Itni is baat kehne ke liye itni der lagaa di??
12) Ye donon ke dil me hai na, to phir kya kehna!!
13) Sorry
14) "……Apna chehra kabhi aayine me dekha hai….. L…………………………… "
15) "Main toh tumhe apna Bhai maanati hu"
16) "Yes .. I too like you … (but hope you don't cheat on me ) " … (Which we guys most oftenly do )
17) Phele kyon nahi bataya AB tum late ho gaye ..
18) Tum agar pehle mile hote to sochti.
19) Tumhari himmat kaise hui mere baare mein aisa sochne ki… (probably followed by a slap)
20) Girl: mujhe sochna ka wakt do…
Guy: kitna wakt???(with hope)
Girl: saat janam
21) Mai ek shaadi shuda ladki hu ;-)
22) Mein tumhare chotte bhai se pyaar karti hoon…
23) Now that's a real tragedy….
Girl: Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……
Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……
24) Boy: I love U!
Gal: I don't think ABT all this before marriage.
25) Keep loving I don't care.
26) Tum mere liye kya kar sakte ho…
27) Kaun as number hai mera tumhare proposals ki history mein. Ha ha ha ha….
28) tumhe is nazar se kabhi dekha nahi
29) tumhare barre mein kabhi aisa socha nahi
30) mummy se pooch kar bataungi
31) mere bhaiyya se baat kar lo , who hi tumhe samajhayenge
32) Knyo, Tina NE "No" bola?
33) Lekin tum to Mina ke piche pade the, Kya usne thappad mara?
34) Kitne time ke liye -???
35) Worst one-- Jo bhi bolna hai jaldi bolo mera beta school se aata hoga..
36) Thanks. I love you, too.
37) Boy :- Sonya, I love U…..
Gal :- Sorry , Next 3 Months tak Waiting List chal rahi hai….
38) "What?"
39) "Let's just stay away from this"
40) My friend in college got one classic reply … "I THINK I'M ENGAGED"
41) "I think, I will have better options in future ..."
42)Mujhe tumse is baare mein koi baat nahi karni, then she starts ignoring, phir bhi nahi sudhare then she threatens via some common friends.
43) My Boy friend is very short Tempered. Beware of it.
44) like you as a friend but I never thought about us like this…cant we be just good friends for ever
45) Actually my younger sis likes you a lot. ..
46) My mummy does not like your family (if the family knows each other.) ..
47) "Why me?..Tumne mere meih essa kya dekha?..."she wants you to list down all the Good qualities that you even might have not seen in her. ...
48) SLAP !! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS....it is said ..
49)hehe I didn't expect that from you....
50)nice joke ...
51)tum ladke kuchh or nahi soch sakte jaha ladki dekhi fisal gaye.....
52)achha tum bhi meine socha sirf harsh,nikhil, ravi, etc etc ko hi mujhme interest hai ..... And then walks on.......... ...
53)tumhe to purpose karna bhi nahi aata.... Peheli bari hai kya?? Koi baat nahi mein batati Hun ???...
*******
1) Nahi........ ......... ???
2) Chiiiii..... Kitne gande vichar hain tumhare..... ..
3) Maine tumhe sirf ek acche dost ki nazar se dekha hai ....
4) Mera pehle se ek boyfrnd hai....
5) Main in baton pe vishwas nahi karti, apne padhai pe dhyaan lagao...
6) tum abhi tak mujhe jaante kahan ho ?Yeh shayad infatuation hai....
7) Tumhara bank balance kitna hai…??
8) Magar last year to Maine tumhe raakhi baandhi thi ..hai naa..bhaiyya. .??
9) Mein abhi is relation ke liye mentally prepared nahi hoo....
10) Mein apne dady se pooch ke tumhe kaal answer karu…??
11) Itni is baat kehne ke liye itni der lagaa di??
12) Ye donon ke dil me hai na, to phir kya kehna!!
13) Sorry
14) "……Apna chehra kabhi aayine me dekha hai….. L…………………………… "
15) "Main toh tumhe apna Bhai maanati hu"
16) "Yes .. I too like you … (but hope you don't cheat on me ) " … (Which we guys most oftenly do )
17) Phele kyon nahi bataya AB tum late ho gaye ..
18) Tum agar pehle mile hote to sochti.
19) Tumhari himmat kaise hui mere baare mein aisa sochne ki… (probably followed by a slap)
20) Girl: mujhe sochna ka wakt do…
Guy: kitna wakt???(with hope)
Girl: saat janam
21) Mai ek shaadi shuda ladki hu ;-)
22) Mein tumhare chotte bhai se pyaar karti hoon…
23) Now that's a real tragedy….
Girl: Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……
Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……
24) Boy: I love U!
Gal: I don't think ABT all this before marriage.
25) Keep loving I don't care.
26) Tum mere liye kya kar sakte ho…
27) Kaun as number hai mera tumhare proposals ki history mein. Ha ha ha ha….
28) tumhe is nazar se kabhi dekha nahi
29) tumhare barre mein kabhi aisa socha nahi
30) mummy se pooch kar bataungi
31) mere bhaiyya se baat kar lo , who hi tumhe samajhayenge
32) Knyo, Tina NE "No" bola?
33) Lekin tum to Mina ke piche pade the, Kya usne thappad mara?
34) Kitne time ke liye -???
35) Worst one-- Jo bhi bolna hai jaldi bolo mera beta school se aata hoga..
36) Thanks. I love you, too.
37) Boy :- Sonya, I love U…..
Gal :- Sorry , Next 3 Months tak Waiting List chal rahi hai….
38) "What?"
39) "Let's just stay away from this"
40) My friend in college got one classic reply … "I THINK I'M ENGAGED"
41) "I think, I will have better options in future ..."
42)Mujhe tumse is baare mein koi baat nahi karni, then she starts ignoring, phir bhi nahi sudhare then she threatens via some common friends.
43) My Boy friend is very short Tempered. Beware of it.
44) like you as a friend but I never thought about us like this…cant we be just good friends for ever
45) Actually my younger sis likes you a lot. ..
46) My mummy does not like your family (if the family knows each other.) ..
47) "Why me?..Tumne mere meih essa kya dekha?..."she wants you to list down all the Good qualities that you even might have not seen in her. ...
48) SLAP !! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS....it is said ..
49)hehe I didn't expect that from you....
50)nice joke ...
51)tum ladke kuchh or nahi soch sakte jaha ladki dekhi fisal gaye.....
52)achha tum bhi meine socha sirf harsh,nikhil, ravi, etc etc ko hi mujhme interest hai ..... And then walks on.......... ...
53)tumhe to purpose karna bhi nahi aata.... Peheli bari hai kya?? Koi baat nahi mein batati Hun ???...
*******
Taxi Driver
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed , lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
*********
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
*********
EK SHAADI SHUDA KI DAASTAN
Abhi shaadi ka pehla hi saal tha,
Khushi ke maare mera bura haal tha,
Khushiyaan kuchh yun umad rahin thi,
Ki sambhale nahi sambhal rahi thi ..
Subah subah madam ka chai Le kar aana
Thoda sharmate huye humein neend se jagana,
Wo pyaar bhara hath hamare baalon mein phirana,
Muskurate huye kehna ki..
Darling chai to pi lo, Jaldi se ready ho jao, Aap ko office bhi hai jaana.
Gharwali bhagwan ka roop Le kar aayee thi,
Dil aur dimag par poori tarah chhayee thi,
Saans bhi lete they to naam usee ka hota tha,
I pal bhi door jeena dushwar hota tha..
******
5 saal baad........
Subah subah madam ka chai Le kar aana,
Table par rakh kar jor se chillana,
Aaj office jao to munna ko
School chodte hue jana...
Suno ek baar phir wohi awaaj aayi,
Kya baat hai abhi tak chhodi nahi charpayee,
Agar munna late ho gaya to dekh Lena,
Munna ki teachers ko phir khud hi sambhaal Lena..
Na Jane gharwali kaisa roop Le kar aayi thi,
Dil aur dimaag par kaali ghata chhayee thi,
Saans bhi lete hain to unhi ka khayal hota hai,
Ab har samay jehan mein ek hi sawal hota hai..
Kya kabhi who din laut ke aayenge,
Hum ek baar phir kunwaare Ho jaayenge.... ...!
******
Khushi ke maare mera bura haal tha,
Khushiyaan kuchh yun umad rahin thi,
Ki sambhale nahi sambhal rahi thi ..
Subah subah madam ka chai Le kar aana
Thoda sharmate huye humein neend se jagana,
Wo pyaar bhara hath hamare baalon mein phirana,
Muskurate huye kehna ki..
Darling chai to pi lo, Jaldi se ready ho jao, Aap ko office bhi hai jaana.
Gharwali bhagwan ka roop Le kar aayee thi,
Dil aur dimag par poori tarah chhayee thi,
Saans bhi lete they to naam usee ka hota tha,
I pal bhi door jeena dushwar hota tha..
******
5 saal baad........
Subah subah madam ka chai Le kar aana,
Table par rakh kar jor se chillana,
Aaj office jao to munna ko
School chodte hue jana...
Suno ek baar phir wohi awaaj aayi,
Kya baat hai abhi tak chhodi nahi charpayee,
Agar munna late ho gaya to dekh Lena,
Munna ki teachers ko phir khud hi sambhaal Lena..
Na Jane gharwali kaisa roop Le kar aayi thi,
Dil aur dimaag par kaali ghata chhayee thi,
Saans bhi lete hain to unhi ka khayal hota hai,
Ab har samay jehan mein ek hi sawal hota hai..
Kya kabhi who din laut ke aayenge,
Hum ek baar phir kunwaare Ho jaayenge.... ...!
******
Student Vs Professor
After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization ", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.
If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal? "
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical ."
*****
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.
If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal? "
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical ."
*****
Interesting
Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees".
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: " Which of you idiots ate the developer?"
One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL ! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please don't eat a person who is working ."
******
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: " Which of you idiots ate the developer?"
One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL ! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please don't eat a person who is working ."
******
SANTA ANSWER MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY
Have you heard of Mr. Santa Singh applying to a medical school to become a doctor?
Needless to say he never made it. You know why?
These are the answers he wrote in his entrance exam.
************
Antibody - against everyone
Artery - The study of the paintings.
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.
Caesarean section - a district in Rome.
Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.
Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.
Chronic - neck of a crow.
Coma - punctuation mark.
Cortisone - area around local court.
Cyst - short for sister.
Diagnosis - person with slanted nose.
Dilate - the late British Princess Diana.
Dislocation - in this place.
Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.
Enema - not a friend.
Fake labour - pretending to work.
Genes - blue denim.
Hernia - she is close by.
Impotent - distinguished/ well known.
Labour pain - hurt at work.
Lactose - people without toes.
Lymph - walk unsteadily.
Microbes - small dressing gown.
Obesity - city of Obe.
Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize.
Proteins - in favour of teens.
Pulse - grain.
Pus - small cat.
Red blood count - Dracula.
Secretion - hiding anything.
Tablet - small table.
Ultrasound - radical noise.
Urine - opposite of you're out.
Varicose - very close.
********
Needless to say he never made it. You know why?
These are the answers he wrote in his entrance exam.
************
Antibody - against everyone
Artery - The study of the paintings.
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.
Caesarean section - a district in Rome.
Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.
Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.
Chronic - neck of a crow.
Coma - punctuation mark.
Cortisone - area around local court.
Cyst - short for sister.
Diagnosis - person with slanted nose.
Dilate - the late British Princess Diana.
Dislocation - in this place.
Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.
Enema - not a friend.
Fake labour - pretending to work.
Genes - blue denim.
Hernia - she is close by.
Impotent - distinguished/ well known.
Labour pain - hurt at work.
Lactose - people without toes.
Lymph - walk unsteadily.
Microbes - small dressing gown.
Obesity - city of Obe.
Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize.
Proteins - in favour of teens.
Pulse - grain.
Pus - small cat.
Red blood count - Dracula.
Secretion - hiding anything.
Tablet - small table.
Ultrasound - radical noise.
Urine - opposite of you're out.
Varicose - very close.
********
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME
Farz karo ke kisi goun ke ek theatre ke name "RAMLAL KI DHOTI " hota to us me chalne wali movies ka add kaise hota
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "ANARKALE"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "NO ENTRY"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "KAL HO NA HO"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "FANNAH"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "TESRI AANKH"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "LAWARIS"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "SHOLEY "
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "CHEENI KAM"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "KRISH"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "DON"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "DHOOM"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "GURU"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "SPIDER MAN 3"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "JHOOM BARABAR JHOOM"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "BHOOT "
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "BHAGAM BHAG"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "HERA PHARI"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "HATYAR"
COMMING SOON
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "PARTNER"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "KHANS"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "............ . !!!
******
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "ANARKALE"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "NO ENTRY"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "KAL HO NA HO"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "FANNAH"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "TESRI AANKH"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "LAWARIS"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "SHOLEY "
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "CHEENI KAM"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "KRISH"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "DON"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "DHOOM"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "GURU"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "SPIDER MAN 3"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "JHOOM BARABAR JHOOM"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "BHOOT "
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "BHAGAM BHAG"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "HERA PHARI"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "HATYAR"
COMMING SOON
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "PARTNER"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "KHANS"
RAMLAL KI DHOTI ME "............ . !!!
******
Wednesday, 3 September 2008
Judge / lawyer
A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit.
Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst.
So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars.
The partner was horrified. "The judge is an honorable man," the partner exclaimed.
"If you do that, I can guarantee you will lose the case!"
Weeks later the judge ruled in favor of the lawyer's client.
The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him. "Aren't you glad you didn't send those cigars to the judge?",
The partner asked. " But I did send them,"
Replied the lawyer. "I just enclosed the complainant's lawyer's business card !"
************
Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst.
So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars.
The partner was horrified. "The judge is an honorable man," the partner exclaimed.
"If you do that, I can guarantee you will lose the case!"
Weeks later the judge ruled in favor of the lawyer's client.
The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him. "Aren't you glad you didn't send those cigars to the judge?",
The partner asked. " But I did send them,"
Replied the lawyer. "I just enclosed the complainant's lawyer's business card !"
************
AGRICULTURAL REP.
A cocky Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked with the old farmer;
"I need to inspect your farm."
The old farmer said: "OK, but you better not go in that field."
In a wise-arse tone the Ag. Representative said, "I have the authority of the U. S. Government with me. See this card..?"
He stuck a plastic-coated card in the farmer's face.
"This card says I can go wherever I want to on agricultural land."
The old farmer shrugged and went about his farm chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Department of Agriculture rep running for the fence.
Close behind was the farmer's prize bull, Geronimo.
Geronimo was madder than a nest full of hornets and he was gaining on the Ag Rep with every angry snort.
The farmer shouted, "Show him your card !"
***********
"I need to inspect your farm."
The old farmer said: "OK, but you better not go in that field."
In a wise-arse tone the Ag. Representative said, "I have the authority of the U. S. Government with me. See this card..?"
He stuck a plastic-coated card in the farmer's face.
"This card says I can go wherever I want to on agricultural land."
The old farmer shrugged and went about his farm chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Department of Agriculture rep running for the fence.
Close behind was the farmer's prize bull, Geronimo.
Geronimo was madder than a nest full of hornets and he was gaining on the Ag Rep with every angry snort.
The farmer shouted, "Show him your card !"
***********
test
An old woman had 3 daughters. One day she decided to test her Sons-in-law.
One day she was walking along a lakeshore with the first son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help.
The first son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.
The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wordings "Thank you!!!-Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!!"
Another day she was walking along a lakeshore with the second son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help.
The second son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.
The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wordings "Thank you!!!-Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!!"
The third time she was walking with the third son-in-law and she repeated the same. But that guy didn't respond to her cries for help and didn't move a single step to save her.
The poor old lady who wanted to test her sons-in-law drowned and died.
.
.
.
.
.
The next day he found a brand new Rolls-Royce in his doorsteps with the following wordings ...
.
.
.
"Thank you very much! Your Father-in-law! !!"
***********
One day she was walking along a lakeshore with the first son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help.
The first son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.
The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wordings "Thank you!!!-Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!!"
Another day she was walking along a lakeshore with the second son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help.
The second son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.
The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wordings "Thank you!!!-Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!!"
The third time she was walking with the third son-in-law and she repeated the same. But that guy didn't respond to her cries for help and didn't move a single step to save her.
The poor old lady who wanted to test her sons-in-law drowned and died.
.
.
.
.
.
The next day he found a brand new Rolls-Royce in his doorsteps with the following wordings ...
.
.
.
"Thank you very much! Your Father-in-law! !!"
***********
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
A funny conversation between Software engineer and his wife
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer
Munna Circuit
Circuit: Bhai america mein address puchega tho kya bolne ka
Munna: Dhobhi Ghaat
Circuit: Bhai english mein bolneka tho?
Munna: Washington
Circuit: Bhai idhar aane ko kya bolna
Munna: Come Here
Circuit: Bhai phir udhar jaaneko kya bolthe hai?
Munna: Pehle udhar jaaneka phir bolneka come here.
Circuit: Bhai yeh kaisa bolne ka - chale hat hawa aane de
Munna: simple hain yaar - Hey u move sideways let the air force come in.
Circuit: Bhai tum tho pass ho gela bhai
Munna: Yes bro i have just passed away
Munna: Abhi tu bol eh mamu bheja mat phira
Circuit: Mother's brother dont rotate my brain
Munna: Yeh bol idhar aa khajhur detha hun karcha pani {kajhur yaane date}
circiut: Come with me for a date i will pay u
Munna: Ab yeh bol apun ko bahut sardi ho gayi hai
Circuit: I got big winter in small nose
Munna: Dhobhi Ghaat
Circuit: Bhai english mein bolneka tho?
Munna: Washington
Circuit: Bhai idhar aane ko kya bolna
Munna: Come Here
Circuit: Bhai phir udhar jaaneko kya bolthe hai?
Munna: Pehle udhar jaaneka phir bolneka come here.
Circuit: Bhai yeh kaisa bolne ka - chale hat hawa aane de
Munna: simple hain yaar - Hey u move sideways let the air force come in.
Circuit: Bhai tum tho pass ho gela bhai
Munna: Yes bro i have just passed away
Munna: Abhi tu bol eh mamu bheja mat phira
Circuit: Mother's brother dont rotate my brain
Munna: Yeh bol idhar aa khajhur detha hun karcha pani {kajhur yaane date}
circiut: Come with me for a date i will pay u
Munna: Ab yeh bol apun ko bahut sardi ho gayi hai
Circuit: I got big winter in small nose
Computer Shayaris
Aakar Dekho To Mujhko
Mein SQL Prompt parr rehta Hoon,
Tere Login Ki Chaah Mein Kitne
Scott/Tiger Sehtaa Hoo
Tumse mila main kal to,
mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili to
kehti ho: Your file not found!
Tumhaara intezaar karte karte,
main so gaya
Yeh dekho mera connection,
time out ho gaya
Kab Se Boot kiye Baithaa Hoon
PC Apne Pyar Ka,
Kaise Type Karoon Mein Lekin
Password Izhaar Ka?
Dil ki Chaaron Drives Pe Meine
Jaana Tujhko Search Kiya,
Yahoo!, Yahoo!, Google!, Google!
Kitna Paisa Kharch Kiya.
Tere Chehre Pe Gussay Ka
ScreenSaver Jab Aata Hai,
Mere Chehre Ka Display Tab
Greyscale Ho Jata Hai
Jinke Links Ab Toot Chuke Hai
Shortcuts Woh Wipe Karo,
Apani ankhiyon ke browser mei
Mera Address Type Karo
Mein SQL Prompt parr rehta Hoon,
Tere Login Ki Chaah Mein Kitne
Scott/Tiger Sehtaa Hoo
Tumse mila main kal to,
mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili to
kehti ho: Your file not found!
Tumhaara intezaar karte karte,
main so gaya
Yeh dekho mera connection,
time out ho gaya
Kab Se Boot kiye Baithaa Hoon
PC Apne Pyar Ka,
Kaise Type Karoon Mein Lekin
Password Izhaar Ka?
Dil ki Chaaron Drives Pe Meine
Jaana Tujhko Search Kiya,
Yahoo!, Yahoo!, Google!, Google!
Kitna Paisa Kharch Kiya.
Tere Chehre Pe Gussay Ka
ScreenSaver Jab Aata Hai,
Mere Chehre Ka Display Tab
Greyscale Ho Jata Hai
Jinke Links Ab Toot Chuke Hai
Shortcuts Woh Wipe Karo,
Apani ankhiyon ke browser mei
Mera Address Type Karo
Monday, 1 September 2008
The Way to Heaven!
The Way to Heaven!
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store.
As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the post office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town, and I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle, "Awww, come on; you don't even know the way to the post office!"
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store.
As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the post office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town, and I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle, "Awww, come on; you don't even know the way to the post office!"
Insurance Salesman
Peter walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"We don't need anyone" they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!"
"Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job."
He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.
"How in the world did you do that ?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
Peter was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. George's and this one is Mr. Robert's."
"Thats good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"
"Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"
"We don't need anyone" they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!"
"Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job."
He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.
"How in the world did you do that ?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
Peter was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. George's and this one is Mr. Robert's."
"Thats good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"
"Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"
Chinese Call centre!!!
" Good Wan! "
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan !
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to me. Who is this?
Caller : I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..
Caller: Oh ......God!!! !
... and that's why India need not worry about losing this business!
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan !
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to me. Who is this?
Caller : I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..
Caller: Oh ......God!!! !
... and that's why India need not worry about losing this business!
Sunday, 31 August 2008
Friday, 29 August 2008
Intelligent Sardarji
A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don´t know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question: "What´s the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.
The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what´s the answer?"
Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse, hands the american $5, and goes back to sleep.
The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don´t know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question: "What´s the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.
The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what´s the answer?"
Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse, hands the american $5, and goes back to sleep.
Sardarji's Mom's Letter
Dear banta
Vahe Guru !
I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.
I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I'm not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.
By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is really badmash. He told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
~~~~~~~~
Vahe Guru !
I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.
I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I'm not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.
By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is really badmash. He told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
~~~~~~~~
Crazzy Shayaris
Chand par kaali ghata chaati to hogi,
Sitaron mein Chamak aati to hogi.
Tum lakh chupao Duniya se, magar akeley mein
tumhe apni shakal pe hansi aati to Hogi.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* **
Ladka apni dilruba se pooch raha hai
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Ladke ka dost uske kaan mein bolta hai
Abbey patli gali pakad peeche uska baap hai
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Apki 'smile' ne saara jahan hila diya,
Apki 'smile' ne saara jahan hila diya,
COMA se jaage huye mareez ko permanently sula diya.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* *****
Aap itraate bahut ho dil ko behlate bahut ho,
Sochte hai apko Dinner per le jaye,
Par kya kare hamara iraada badal jaata hai,
kyunki tum khate bahut ho...!!
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ******
Apne roop par itna ghuroor na kar,
sab 2 din ki masti hai,
Tera husn bhi tab tak qayam hai,
jab tak
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.Fair & Lovely sasti hai.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
****
SARDAR'S LAST WISH
SARDAR in ARABIA
A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got
arrested consuming alcohol which
is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so
for the terrible crime they are
all sentenced 20 lashes each of the
whip.
As they were preparing for their
punishment, the Sheik announced:
'It's my first wife's birthday today,
and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your
whipping..'
The German was first in line, he thought
for a while and then said: 'Please tie a pillow to my back.'
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: 'Please fix two pillows to my back.'
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the P akistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:
'You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For
this, you may have two wishes!'
'Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,' Sardar replied.
'In recognition of your kindness, my
first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.'
'Not only are you an honorable, handsome
and powerful man, you are also
very brave.' The Sheik said with an
admiring look on his face.
'If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
'And what is your second wish, ?' the Sheik asked.
Sardar smiled and said, 'Tie the Pakistani to my back' !!!
KHABARDAR KISINE AB SE SARDARKA MAZAAK UDAAYA TO
A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got
arrested consuming alcohol which
is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so
for the terrible crime they are
all sentenced 20 lashes each of the
whip.
As they were preparing for their
punishment, the Sheik announced:
'It's my first wife's birthday today,
and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your
whipping..'
The German was first in line, he thought
for a while and then said: 'Please tie a pillow to my back.'
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: 'Please fix two pillows to my back.'
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the P akistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:
'You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For
this, you may have two wishes!'
'Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,' Sardar replied.
'In recognition of your kindness, my
first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.'
'Not only are you an honorable, handsome
and powerful man, you are also
very brave.' The Sheik said with an
admiring look on his face.
'If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
'And what is your second wish, ?' the Sheik asked.
Sardar smiled and said, 'Tie the Pakistani to my back' !!!
KHABARDAR KISINE AB SE SARDARKA MAZAAK UDAAYA TO
Sardars are not stupid
Sardars are not stupid
80,000 sardars meet in the Gurunanak stadium, for a "Sardars Are Not
Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that
Sardars are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A sardar gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the
stage. The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 sardars start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him
another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting
80,000 Of you in one place and we have the worldwide press and global
broadcast media here, uh, I guess we can give him another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds he eventually Says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected
Sigh - everyone is disheartened, the sardar starts crying and the
80,000 sardars begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage,
eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance What is 2 plus 2?"
The sardar closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says,
"Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 surdies
jump To their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
............ ......... ......... ......... .......
............ ......... ......... ........
............ ......... ......... ..
............ ......... .....
............ ........
............ ....
............ ..
............
..........
........
....
..
.
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!
80,000 sardars meet in the Gurunanak stadium, for a "Sardars Are Not
Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that
Sardars are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A sardar gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the
stage. The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 sardars start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him
another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting
80,000 Of you in one place and we have the worldwide press and global
broadcast media here, uh, I guess we can give him another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds he eventually Says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected
Sigh - everyone is disheartened, the sardar starts crying and the
80,000 sardars begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage,
eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance What is 2 plus 2?"
The sardar closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says,
"Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 surdies
jump To their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
............ ......... ......... ......... .......
............ ......... ......... ........
............ ......... ......... ..
............ ......... .....
............ ........
............ ....
............ ..
............
..........
........
....
..
.
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!
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